POPE TO ALLOW PRIESTS AN OCCASIONAL HANDJOB?

DOZENS of women have written to Pope Benedict asking if Roman Catholic priests can be allowed the occasional hand job.
 In an open letter, the girlfriends of more than 40 priests have called for a relaxation of the church's stance on celibacy to allow a limited range of sexual practices, including the reverse Dutch Steamboat, the Stockholm Slip'n'Slide and the Sorcerer's Apprentice.  But a Vatican spokesman said: "Having read the letter I can't help noticing that the shaky handwriting looks suspiciously like that of a man on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Not to mention the fact that several of the pages were stuck together."
"The Pope is not totally unsympathetic - he's seen Barbarella for Christ's sake - but he simply does not understand why a fully trained priest would seek comfort in the arms of a woman when he's surrounded by rows and rows of freshly packed boymeat."

A POSITIVE STORY FOR MY NEW GAY READERSHIP!

Letters have surfaced in Germany proving that the World War Two spy who inspired the hero the the Oscar-winning film The English Patient was no womaniser but a gay man in love with a young soldier called Hans Entholt.

So the 'so called', woman shagger, was actually a homosexual, paedophile Nazi.  That won't suit those STRAIGHT, HETERO BASTARDS!  In a week filled with tales of HOMOSEXUAL, PAEDOPHILE PRIESTS that's got to be a positive gay story.  HASN'T IT?

SEX MAD PRIEST ADVERTISED HIS BODY FOR SALE AS PROSTITUTE!

A Spanish priest has been sacked after it emerged he advertised himself as a male prostitute on the Internet and spent church funds on telephone sex and Internet pornography.


It is alleged that he spent up to 17,000 euros (£15,000) to fund his addiction to sex and pornography. Samuel Martin Martin, 27, the priest of two small parishes in the central province of Toledo, posted images of himself posing in grey underpants and said he was available for sex sessions with women and couples for 120 euros an hour.
Calling himself Hector, the priest described himself in an online advertisement as: "Heterosexual man for women and couples. Real photos. Well hung (15cm) to give you pleasure and happiness."

His parishioners are outraged, but I would rather he was doing this than interfering with CHOIRBOYS as has been the custom in other parts of the world!

HETEROSEXUAL PRIESTS JUST AS LIKELY TO ABUSE CHILDREN AS HOMOSEXUAL ONES!

Gay priests are no more likely to molest children than heterosexual clergy, a preliminary report commissioned by U.S. Roman Catholic bishops on the roots of the clergy sex abuse scandal found.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT THEN!  I WAS A BIT WORRIED FOR A MOMENT THERE.