FORMER SCOTTISH SECRETARY, JIM MURPHY has pledged that SCOTTISH LABOUR will give every PENSIONER in Scotland a 'FREE DISPOSABLE LIGHTER'!
Launching the Labour party's MANIFESTO in Scotland, Murphy told the expectant press pack, "Er, we couldn't come up with anything that wasn't the SCOTTISH GOVERNMENT'S responsibility so we came up with the free lighter scheme for the elderly. We are sure that SCOTLAND'S SENIOR CITIZENS won't want to bother their families, HARDWORKING MUMS AND DADS, to complain about the LACK OF HEAT in their homes next year, WHEN WE ABOLISH THE FUEL BONUS, so with their free lighters they will be able to set light TO SOME OF THE FURNITURE to keep warm through the long winter nights. As ever unlike the SNP, Scottish Labour are at the forefront of innovative thinking in a modern society".
