NEVER MIND ALL THIS ELECTION SHITE-HERE'S THE REAL NEWS!

Never mind all the BUZZ of the election.  The real BIG NEWS is that ABBA may be reforming.

FANTASTIC!  I think I've still got my 70s gear up in the loft.  Mind you, I'll need to go on a DIET TO GET INTO IT!

TONY BENN'S SON IS EVEN MORE BONKERS THAN HIM!

Cutting a sausage a day from the average British diet is necessary to save the planet, scientists claim.

Their controversial report, which partly blames meat-eaters for climate change, was backed by Environment Secretary Hilary Benn's, ( A FUCKING VEGETARIAN BTW ), department last night.  The scientists called for a 30 per cent reduction in the number of farm animals bred for meat to prevent rising temperatures and rising sea levels.

WHERE DO THESE FUCKERS GET OFF!  If I tell Mrs D.L. that she's not getting HER DAILY SAUSAGE, SHE'LL GO OFF HER NUT!