Manufacturers Church & Dwight said that after intervention by the UK Government over liver damage, the time had come to stop producing the product.
Minister of Health, Andrew Landsley has welcomed the announcement. "We felt that the public should be protected from this product as some of them clearly felt that it was an alcoholic drink instead of a shampoo. We have seen several patients admitted to A&E with very clean livers, whilst their hair was, in many cases, greasy as fuck".
A patient who didn't want to be identified but is thought to come from Liverpool, said, "I used to drink 6 packets a night and even more at the weekend. It's a lovely thick drink and always has an extra creamy head. I don't know what I'll do now, probably having to drink that shitey Stella".
Iman Hakim for Birmingham Mosque told us, "we in the Muslim faith are pleased that this vile product has been withdrawn from sale. Some of our devout followers had been tempted into the ways of the Devil by licking it, as it dribbled down their faces, while they were shampooing their hair. It will save us having to issue the call for a holy war to right the wrongs done against Islam by the Christian shampoo industry".