Saturday, 2 July 2011

BEER SHAMPOO STOPS BEING PRODUCED AFTER GOVERNMENT INTERVENTION!

Time has finally been called on Linco beer shampoo.

Manufacturers Church & Dwight said that after intervention by the UK Government over liver damage, the time had come to stop producing the product.

Minister of Health, Andrew Landsley has welcomed the announcement.  "We felt that the public should be protected from this product as some of them clearly felt that it was an alcoholic drink instead of a shampoo.  We have seen several patients admitted to A&E with very clean livers, whilst their hair was, in many cases, greasy as fuck". 

A patient who didn't want to be identified but is thought to come from Liverpool, said, "I used to drink 6 packets a night and even more at the weekend.  It's a lovely thick drink and always has an extra creamy head.  I don't know what I'll do now, probably having to drink that shitey Stella". 

Iman Hakim for Birmingham Mosque told us, "we in the Muslim faith are pleased that this vile product has been withdrawn from sale.  Some of our devout followers had been tempted into the ways of the Devil by licking it, as it dribbled down their faces, while they were shampooing their hair.  It will save us having to issue the call for a holy war to right the wrongs done against Islam by the Christian shampoo industry".

8 comments:

Mary said...

The only way I could get my hubby to munch my rug was to wash it with beer shampoo. He won't go near it now due this government madness.
Thanks Dave. Not !

Dark Lochnagar said...

Mary, I wish I knew you, I love a bit of rug munching. In fact some times I wish I was a woman and a lesbian. Maybe you could get Michael Gove to lick it for you. He's got a face like a frog and must have some tongue.

McGonagall said...

Mary, may Ah suggest ye waash yer rug wae a wee hauf ae Drambuie? It worked wonders fur me an the wife.

Dark Lochnagar said...

McGonners, that reminds me of the old joke about Pierre, the famous, 1st WW, fighter pilot. Anyway the punchline is that he pours cognac on his lover's fanny and sets light to it, because 'he always goes down in flames'.

banned said...

Enough smut; I would probably have fallen for this faux alcohol con when I was a real alcoholic since it reminds me of the time when, after hours, I persuaded the landlord of my local to "sell me some of those there miniatures decorating the back of the bar". I swigged one as I staggered home, snuck into bed for the others only to discover that the small bottles contained cake icing colourants, what a CUNT!

Toni said...

Amusing post as always DL, Mary's comment reminded me of a girlfriend of mine who had a penchant for pouring Talisker 18yr old, (has to be legal), over my cock and sucking it off. As a warning to everyone out there I was so booze addled I actually dumped her. What was I thinking?

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, speaking as an alcoholic, (not re-formed cause you never are), I can relate to your tale of woe. You are a cunt.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Antonio, fuck me! I wish that my wife would get addled now and again, although probably better not.