Monday, 24 January 2011

GIVE US WALLACE'S LETTER BACK OR WE'LL COME DOWN AND KICK SHITE OUT OF YOU!



A war of words has broken out between English and Scottish academics over the ownership of a 700-year-old letter to Scots national hero William Wallace.

The letter, widely believed to have been snatched from Wallace when he was captured by the English, should be returned to
Scotland, according to historians north of the border.

And the Scottish Government has now renewed its appeal to have the letter - which granted Wallace safe passage to visit the
pope in 1300 - transferred to The Scottish National Archives.

If we don't get it pronto, we'll be down with the Prince across the Water to kick the shite out of you, English bastards and this time we won't be stopping at Derby, not even if you offer us deep fried Mars bars, we'll be eating nothing but a handful of cold haggis, which we keep in our sporns, because we've no Bawbees after that bastard Osborne cut our buroo money!


If that doesn't work, we'll send down some more politicians!  We've got a Parliament full of them and they're nearly all Unionits, who are dying to get enriched in the 'Mother of all Parliaments'!

18 comments:

McGonagall said...

Aye!

Budvar said...

Reminds me of the verse in "Flower of Scotland" that goes something like "Send them homeward to think again". Well we went home, thought about it for a bit and kicked your arses all the way back to Culloden moor!!

Conan the Librarian™ said...

The Czechs?

Dioclese said...

Bring it on1 It's time someone knocked the complacency out of us English...

Dark Lochnagar said...

McGonners, I've added your name to the army list. I think I can get you a commission with the Prince. How does Major suit?

Dark Lochnagar said...

Budders, if we hadn't had a forced march the night before and run out of deep fried mars bars and Irn Bru, you would have got the shite kicked out of you!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Conan, the Czechs? You've lost me!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Greekers, it's time someone kicked the complacency out of us all!

Conan the Librarian™ said...

Budvar is a place in the Czech Republic, associated with beer...

Billy said...

You will find that they are saying we are not getting it back because they will be looking for a financial inducement, in English notes of course, before they change their mind - worthless to them but priceless to Scotland.

Budvar said...

I can't think where Conan gets his obsession with Czechs from. I was going to say that my handle comes from a contraction of my real name of Busby D Varley, but who am I kidding. The reality is every handle I picked was already in use and happened to be drinking a bottle of Czech Bud at the time. If that had been taken you could just as easily have been talking to "Lirangju" (lidls orange juice) or "Tetril" ((I've a bottle our lasses aromatherapy "Tea tree oil" on the desk).

I've been accused of being an asylum seeker a few times, first time I was "Eh?" He then went on to tell me of my Czech heritage etc. I've always fancied myself as a bit of a Mexican bandit, but could never grow the moustache...

Dark Lochnagar said...

Conan, thank fuck. I thought it was because I was dense,

Dark Lochnagar said...

Billy, I was going to suggest that we kidnap something of theirs and hold it to ransom. The Royal Family come to mind when they come up to Balmoral for their summer jaunt, so that the locals and some sycophant twats from England can fawn over them, but then I remembered they're supposed to be ours as well. Oh well, I'm sure I'll think of something else. Oil might be a possibility!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Budders, here was me thinking that you were some kind of classical scholar and now I find out you're called after a bottle of fucking beer. To say I am disappointed is an understatement. Viva Zapata!

Down in the smoke said...

You can have the letter mate. After all, it's only a guarantee from a Frenchman.
Not worth the paper it's written on.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Smokers, you're right. Better with a bit of loo paper!

Down in the smoke said...

Living, as i do, in the multicultural capital of the new global village, the dwindling resources of Mother Earth need to be safeguarded, and so, we've learned to use the left hand for such needs.
The savings to be had on the weekly shop at Lidls have to be seen to be believed.
Fingers slippping on the keyboard is a bit of a problem, but a bit of sharp sand in a bowl by the squatter should solve that.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Smokers, one frequents the Lidls and also the other one, what's it's name, on a regular basis. The rouble is that I usually insist on buying one of the weekly specials on sale at around £40, which of course I never or rarely use again. In fact I bought a ski suit 2 years ago and well....