Monday, 11 October 2010

CHEATING BASTARD WITH DOUBLE SIDED SPOON WINS WORLD PORRIDGE CHAMPIONSHIPS




The winner of this year's World Porridge Making Championships has credited his success to pure hill water and a specially designed spoon.
Neal Robertson, from the Tannochbrae Tearoom in Auchtermuchty, won the Golden Spurtle award at the event in Carrbridge in the Highlands.  His Spoon, a wooden, double-backed spoon, was designed to give twice the power to mixing and beating.  The annual competition was said to be the closest run in its history.  Second placed Ina McPherson said, "Robertson is a cheating bastard.  Imagine anyone using a double-backed spoon, Gordon Mackintosh will be 'birlin' in his grave and if he had any porridge oats in his coffin, he would win the great prize again.
Mackintosh won the first ten porridge championships, when he was famous for stirring his porridge with, 'Big Tam'.  It turned out that 'Tam' was not a spoon at all, but Mr Mackintosh's huge member, which on getting a sight of some hot porridge would grow to a fucking enormous size and it was this that Mackintosh would use to stir his porridge.
Although the judges would often complain about the odd pubic hair, Mackintosh's porridge was said to be the creamiest in the Highlands.

11 comments:

banned said...

This from the website of the Tannochbrae Guesthouse
"For the comfort of all our guests we have a no smoking policy throughout the house" Well they can fuck off, porridge 'an all.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, were you going to nip up for a taste of their porridge. You're probably old enough to remember, 'The White Heather Club' with 'Jimmy Shand and his Band'. Well that's where he came from and you could have visited his museum as well!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, I think you may be confusing the Guesthouse in Dufftown and the Tearoom in Auchtermuchty, which is 150 miles away, but is still no-smoking. They do a lovely scone and jam with a pot of tea.

banned said...

I'm not confusing anything

http://www.tannochbrae.co.uk/

And yes, I am old enough to remember Jimmy Shand & His Fucking Band, nearly put me off Scotland for life!

McGonagall said...

What Banned said. Saw JS once in Canada - walked out - it was cringe worthy.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, Aye you are. Dufftown in in Banffshire which is north of Aberdeem while Auchtermuchty is in Fife near where the Forth Bridges are.

Ah Jimmy Shand and the ' White Heather Club'. You see that's what you Sassenachs miss, a bit of culture!

Dark Lochnagar said...

McGonners, you mean you paid to get in!

banned said...

You daft cunt DL

http://www.tannochbrae.co.uk/

is that fucking "guest house" (unless you smoke)

http://www.tannochbrae.com

Is the equally unwelcoming fucking Tearoom, which , incidentally sounds pretty "gay" to me.
(Apologies to DLs ever more varied gang of eco-loon benders).

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, your wizened old brain has finally given it's last phut!
I agree that http://www.tannochbrae.co.uk/ is a Guest House, but it is in Dufftown and is totally different from the cunt with the porridge in Auchtermuchty with the double sided spoon!

banned said...

DL you fucking CUNT.
Something crawled out of my addled brain and made me Google "dr finlays casebook"

Wiki "Dr. Finlay's Casebook is a television series that was broadcast on the BBC from 1962 until 1971[1]. Based on A. J. Cronin's novella entitled Country Doctor, the storylines centred on a general medical practice in the FICTIONAL Scottish town of Tannochbrae".

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, You Dozy fuckwit. I remember seeing the fucking thing when I was a boy. Janet, Dr Cameron and Dr Findlay. "I've got terrible heartburn" remarks Janet as she carries in the breakfast tray, "Weel Janet, you'll need to get your tits oot ma porridge", replies the couthy Dr Cameron.