Saturday, 9 October 2010


THE owner of the Boston Red Sox has fulfilled a life-long ambition of surrounding himself with thousands of whining bastards who want to steal his car.

Liverpudlians would arrive in Boston with nothing but a small bag of stuff they'd nicked
As he took over Liverpool FC, John W Henry said it was a day he had dreamed of since he was a boy standing at the docks in Boston listening to Scousers getting off the boat and moaning about how they hadn't found anything worth thieving yet.

He added: "Boston was a gateway for generations of immigrants. The Irish, so filled with violent hate and magical bullshit. The Scots, so angry, so eye-wateringly pungent - and even the odd Welshman, who then had to pretend to be Irish to avoid being tossed into the harbour.

"But it was always the Liverpudlians who fascinated me the most, with their disgusting accents, their mind-numbingly pathetic sense of humour and their transparent desire to steal everything my family owned.

"I thought to myself, 'one day I want to spend a huge amount of time with these people'. 

"'I want to place myself at the heart of their community and spend hours and hours listening to their childish demands in a room where everything is bolted to the floor'."



Billy said...

Love the scouser sense of humour - so similar to ours.

banned said...

Is slagging off scousers now a hate crime under Camerons new "equalities act"?

banned said...

Boris Johnson, The Spectator, Oct. 15th 2004.
On Liverpudlians
"They see themselves whenever possible as victims and resent their victim status, yet at the same time they wallow in it."

Dark Lochnagar said...

Billy, aye the sense of humour is very similar to the Scottish one. Which probably says more about us than them!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, it is our duty as bloggers to slag off every fucker! They do wallow in their victim status though. I've been three times to Liverpool, although not recently and it's the fucking dirtiest place I've ever been in apart from Blackpool. I remember being at a company dance there in the late 90s. The boss of the company which was English had this Scottish gofor, a retired bloke but only in his late 50s and fucking big. Anyway he sent him out in Liverpool to get a carry out, (booze), for his room in case anyone came in. The big cunt was bringing it back when some wee scouser wanker mugged him for it at knifepoint and he had to come back for more dosh. I fucking pissed myself laughing because this guy was BIG and the look of terror on his face as he recounted the story has stayed with me till this day!

Yoko said...

Liverpool called it's new airport 'John Lennon' because it was the first place that John went to when he got some money.
Happy 70th John !

banned said...

Liverpool (actually 4 blocks of flats in a field a mile or so away from the next nearest bit of Liverpool) is the only place where I have been asked for "a quid to watch your car".
This from a tiny squirt and at a time when a quid was worth a lot more than it is now.
The first question my visitee asked "Did you pay someone to mind your car?"
"Yes, but he's only a little kid, he won't be able to protect it from bigger lads"

"No matter, just so long as you paid someone the others will leave it alone, usually"

Jim said...


I once went to a football match at Celtic Park ( aka the piggery) and had a similar experience.

Young Ned says ' Gies a fever tae watch yir car mister'

Being clever I say. 'Get lost. And if you go near my car then Bruiser my Bull Mastiff will kill you.'

Young Ned runs off and I head off to the piggery to watch my team.

In the background I hear the young Ned shout..

' Hoy mister kin yir doag put oot fires ' before he throws a petrol bomb at my car.

Conclusion. Cough up and shut up.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Ohno, yes, it's a shithole or was the last time I was persuaded to go, for the National I recall. That big hotel, the one they did the TV prog about, called the Adelphi I think, is also the worst hotel I have ever been in. The service was so bad on the Saturday night I was there, in the restaurant, that the diners rioted and didn't have to pay for their meals as they had to be appeased by the Manager! Fucking unbelievable.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned/Jim That is a common thing in Glasgow, even believe it or not, at Partick Thistle games and there's nobody there! I suppose they've got to charge you twice what you pay at Ibrox or Parkhead as they work on a more limited basis.

Anonymous said...

Liverpool has been living off the Beatles for the last 40 years and half of the Beatles are dead anyway.

banned said...

Another evening long ago I was heading home from Liverpool Airport (as was) but had run out of cigs for the long drive home.

I was on a motoway or dual carriageway but could see a suburb at the next turn off. As I pulled up outside the semi-circle of dismal suburban shops, all boarded up apart from the bookies and convenience store/off license, small groups of people started to emerge from the gloaming like something out of a fucking zombie movie. Being savvy enough to realise that they would know I was not local I thought better of it and headed for the safety of the nearest motoway service station.

I subsequently related this to one or two civilized X-scousers who told me I did the right thing. They would probably have surrounded me saying "Giss yer keys wack" and provided that I complied would not have beaten me up and might even have allowed me to keep the bus fair to the city centre.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Headson, most of their stuff was shite anyway, it was just their era. McCartney hasn't written a decent song since, 'Eleneor Rigby'.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, I could believe that they are some fuckers. They would steal the steam off you coffee!