|SHAMED SCOTTISH CONSERVATIVE LEADER, 'KNICKERLESS' GOLDIE|
|MISS GOLDIE'S FANNY WHEN SHE WAS A STUDENT|
Prince Phillip was the first to notice because although he is in his eighties, his eyesight is 20/20 due to his eyes having been transplanted for younger ones, six times during his life. Noticing the DANDRUFF on Miss Goldie's shoes, he asked cheekily with a glint in his eye, "are you wearing knickers, my dear? If not, I could arrange for a quick one in the Holyrood Palace pantry, while the Queen is involved elsewhere.
Miss Goldie managed to escape the clutches of the Prince and was later presented to his Holiness the Pope. "I am very pleased to meet you Holy Father", she told the Holy See. "A pleasure to meet you my dear", replied the Pope, "but tell me Fraulein, have you just farted or is that your fanny, I smell"?
All Scotland has been embarrassed by the incident, but the situation was deepening tonight, as rumours of an illicit love affair between Miss Goldie and Labour Leader, Iain Gray are sweeping Holyrood. If the rumours are true, it will be the first Lesbian encounter in the Scottish Parliament.