Saturday, 18 September 2010



D.L. can tonight exclusively reveal that Scottish Conservative Leader, Annabell Goldie, was NOT wearing knickers when presented yesterday to the Pope and Prince Phillip!

Prince Phillip was the first to notice because although he is in his eighties, his eyesight is 20/20 due to his eyes having been transplanted for younger ones, six times during his life.  Noticing the DANDRUFF on Miss Goldie's shoes, he asked cheekily with a glint in his eye, "are you wearing knickers, my dear?  If not, I could arrange for a quick one in the Holyrood Palace pantry, while the Queen is involved elsewhere.

Miss Goldie managed to escape the clutches of the Prince and was later presented to his Holiness the Pope.  "I am very pleased to meet you Holy Father", she told the Holy See.  "A pleasure to meet you my dear", replied the Pope, "but tell me Fraulein, have you just farted or is that your fanny, I smell"?

All Scotland has been embarrassed by the incident, but the situation was deepening tonight, as rumours of an illicit love affair between Miss Goldie and Labour Leader, Iain Gray are sweeping Holyrood.  If the rumours are true, it will be the first Lesbian encounter in the Scottish Parliament.


banned said...

Shamed old spinster Annabell Goldie should have asked Phil wether he wears undies or a thong.

Mr Goldie said...

I've not seen that fanny for years. Ta DL.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, I believe the royal family never wear any underwear and it is expressly forbidden for the serving wenches, as Phil likes to test their hirsuteness as they serve his soup course. Of course by the time it gets to the main course he is usually sozzled and sleeping in his empty soup plate,so they are quite safe and can then get shagged by a footman, so named because of the size of their dicks BTW, before the sweet course is served.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Mr Goldie, neither has your wife!

Down in the smoke said...

Talking of cunts, ever heard of Solace Enterprises?

This consultancy is wholly owned by the Society of Local Authority Chief Executives and Senior Managers (SOLACE). It is used almost exclusively by Local authorities to headhunt Chief Executives and Senior Managers in Local Government, which pays it a £20,000 fee for each consultancy. The overwhelming majority of UK Councils are its clients. Since 2003 salary levels for Senior Managers in Local Government have risen by 30% per annum. This Consultancy is clearly not operating in the interests of the taxpayer, and, this blatant conflict of interest is contributing to an unsustainable rise in salaries and index-linked pensions for Council Officers, and, is a major contributor to the excessive rises in Council Taxes.'

Dark Lochnagar said...

Smokers, no that's a new one on me. I always presumed that individual authorities advertised in the 'Guardian' and that was the end of the matter. It certainly could do with some more investigation though. Cheers.