Friday 6 August 2010

HEY ME OLD COCK SPARRA-LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL, MATE!

ME WITH A COUPLE OF PROSSIES AT A DO LAST WEEK, INIT!

Barclays has handed its high-flying investment bankers a 22 per cent pay rise - while heaping scorn on government threats to impose targets for small business lending.  In a move that will intensify public anger over City pay, Britain's third largest bank has earmarked £2.9billon for the pay and bonus pool at its investment banking division for the first six months of the year alone.
The Government's bleedin' MERCHANT BANKERS, mate, if they think they can keep us wide boys back.  No way mate, me and me mate Brian, we made £2 mil squid on Tuesday for gaffers, mind you we lost £3 mil squid on Wednesday. Yeh, me and him is derivatives traders.  We're on the dog and bone all day, mate.  Well, were top dogs, you've got to pay us top money or we won't be able to lose any of the firm's.  Just joshing, HAAAR!  Me and him like to down a few bottles of Chandon of an evening, if we can't find anything more expensive, mate, HAAAR!

Anyway got to go now, mate, Peregrine got us some Birds with big threepenny bits waiting to be squeezed!  HAAAR!  Give my best to the PLEBS.  HAAAR!

12 comments:

INCOMING!!!!!!! said...

All those numbers come out of the plunge protection team DL. So basically what we have here is a bunch of Essex beach cunts who've got to the correct Corexit, do you see the playing with language there DL no one has ever commented on that in the screaming and yelling about the Gulf of Mexico, free beach and have a bin liner to hand to catch helicopter Ben's money dump are being rewarded for nothing.

Oh yes nothing stinks like stolen lucre. Nothing rots faster than fiat finance.

Sir Fred said...

The banks borrow at 0.5% and charge us 4.5%. They are guaranteed against default and the govt are buying all their rubbish mortgage and credit debt and giving them taxpayers cash in return.
No wonder the greedy buggers are in profit.
And that's my missus on the right. She's not a prossie !

Dark Lochnagar said...

INCOMING!!!! They can't help but make money. They've got to be right 50% of the time. As long as they make more money when they're right as when they're wrong, they're bound to be in honey to their firms. A 10 years old could do it given a double headed half ounce Kruggerand and a bottle of Krug, oh and a couple of whores.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Sir Fred, where are you getting an overdraft at 4.5% because I would like one too. It's a piece of pish. The Government missed the boat when they bought them on our behalf. They should have made them National banks who were required only to invest in this country and got it moving again by giving loan facilities to entrepreneurs with decent ideas who would create employment. So if some went bust so what, it's better than giving Fanny or whatever it's name is in America the money for shite mortgages to supply trailer trash. Anyway you fucker, where's confirmation of my booking for your villa in September?

Sir Fred said...

I should have mentioned that the 4.5% is the minimum. We can go higher. Much higher.
We're embracing diversity from August through to Christmas so I didn't think you would be interested in the villa.
The new sauna is proving popular with the guys ( one on one or all in etc )and our weekend 'dyke on a bike' holidays ( as seen on BBC ) are a hit aswell.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Sir Frederico, the 'dyke' on a bike job sounds interesting. Would it be ok if I just watched their sexual antics. I'll bring my own tissues and I promise to clean up afterwards!

Sir Fred said...

DL. Well you will have to check with Clare. She's organising that event. You might have to dress up as a rugmuncher to get in..

http://www.mirror.co.uk/tv-entertainment/tv/todays-tv/2010/07/20/britain-by-bike-bbc4-8-30pm-115875-22424791/

Dioclese said...

About the only thing I can say about this is that at least they didn't use taxpayers money to bail them out - No, they ripped off their customers instead!
My cousin works for Barclays and he's definitely a cunt of the first order.

zombie banks said...

" at least they didn't use taxpayers money to bail them out "

They woud have been dead in the water if the taxpayers hadn't guaranteed all the banks. They may not have taken money directly but have enjoyed the £300billion money printing exercise and still enjoy 0.5% interest rates. They're able to take this money then charge customers what they want.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Sir Frederico, That Balding is a nice bit of stuff. I would like to mount her with a horse whip in my hands.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Greekers, I think I know him and he is a right fuckpig. Is his name, Rupert?

Dark Lochnagar said...

Zombers, you're are 100% right BTW, they are arseholes. I wish I had some spare money, I wouold be sticking it into Bank shares. I keep on telling my PsIL, but they're old and conventional. They are quite happy getting 1% after tax! Fuck me.