Tuesday, 11 May 2010


In a shock move today, First Minister of Scotland, ALEX SALMOND, is to become PRIME MINISTER in a new left of centre alliance of the SNP/Plaid/Labour/LibDems/DUP/Greens/Sein Fein and the SDLP.

Following the resignation yesterday, of the now EX-PRIME MINISTER, GORDON BROWN, it is felt that Mr Salmond or Lord Salmond of Peterhead as he will now be known, is the only one with the necessary experience of running a country to fulfill the job adequately.

Lord Salmond will be taking some of his current SCOTTISH GOVERNMENT colleagues with him to Downing Street.  JOHN SWINNEY will be the new CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER,  KENNY MacASKILL will be the new HOME SECRETARY and NICOLA STURGEON will become the new MINISTER OF DEFENCE.  Amongst some of the other posts announced are PETER ROBINSON of the DUP who will become the MINISTER FOR CHILDREN AND FAMILIES.

Former Scottish Secretary, JIM MURPHY is to be offered the post of Cultural Attache to the Embassy in OUTER MONGOLIA.


wee boaby said...

Will Peter Robinson be Lord Robinson to get around the fact that he lost his seat at the election ?
Could you send the new green MP up to Scotland and get her to stop it snowing please ? FFS it's mid May and baltic and no sign of the global warming thingy.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Boabs, He's is taking the title Lord Robinson of weanfondle, in honour of his wife. It is fucking freezing, init? We normally get a wee spell of good weather at this time of the year. I wonder if it's anything to do with that volcano?

The Young Oligarch said...

Cultural Attache ?
S**t hoose clerk , mair like .

Btw . It was snowing in Motherwell today , but not in sunny Larkhall .

The L--d smiles on his own .

Dark Lochnagar said...

Oli, That he does. They tell me it was only snowing on the Tim houses.

scunnert said...

Mah uncle in Motherwell will be in the sun then? It has been storming over here for three days non fucking stop. It's supposed to go on for another two day.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Scunnert, yes but you're free!