LIBTHINGIES LEADER TAVISH SCOTT (pictured above after Thursday's FMQs), has admitted that FMQs on a Thursday are too mentally challenging for him.
"I'm actually THICK AS SHITE" an anguished Tavish told D.L. yesterday, "I didn't want to do this job in the first place but I had the stupidest name and that's usually a pre-requisite for a Libthingy leader like "Ming" Campbell or "Alchy" Kennedy. Anyway I wish I didn't have to follow Annabel as she always asks good questions but after my first one, the second one doesn't make sense and Alex rips the fucking pish out of me. It makes me feel even worse when I see myself on the telly and see that fucking fat, speccy woman nodding her head like a toy dog in the back of a car".
As is the tradition in the Socialdemocratlibbies, Tavish is considering becoming a homosexual. "The only problem is that the expression 'gay' doesn't really fit my personality, I'm more a kinda grey and uninteresting type of guy, a bit like that nice Mr Major."
In his Shetland constituency however it's true to say that Tavish is considered a bit of a "racy" swinger as he often dresses up as various animals for charity fundraisers.
Next week, Iain Gray pours his heart out!