Sunday, 8 November 2009


LIBTHINGIES LEADER TAVISH SCOTT (pictured above after Thursday's FMQs), has admitted that FMQs on a Thursday are too mentally challenging for him.

"I'm actually THICK AS SHITE" an anguished Tavish told D.L. yesterday, "I didn't want to do this job in the first place but I had the stupidest name and that's usually a pre-requisite for a Libthingy leader like "Ming" Campbell or "Alchy" Kennedy. Anyway I wish I didn't have to follow Annabel as she always asks good questions but after my first one, the second one doesn't make sense and Alex rips the fucking pish out of me. It makes me feel even worse when I see myself on the telly and see that fucking fat, speccy woman nodding her head like a toy dog in the back of a car".

As is the tradition in the Socialdemocratlibbies, Tavish is considering becoming a homosexual. "The only problem is that the expression 'gay' doesn't really fit my personality, I'm more a kinda grey and uninteresting type of guy, a bit like that nice Mr Major."

In his Shetland constituency however it's true to say that Tavish is considered a bit of a "racy" swinger as he often dresses up as various animals for charity fundraisers.

Next week, Iain Gray pours his heart out!


Crawford James said...

He's not as thick as he's stupid looking. He's hanging onto his taxpayer funded property portfolio and seems to be immune to all the attempts to make him agree to pay any profits back to the Treasury.
He's a canny Scot and could peel an orange in his pocket while being bummed by Ming the Scattercushioned pervert.

Wardog said...

Your terrible..... but I like you!

scunnert said...

Where do folk of Tavishes ilk go to school? I ask because they all talk kinda funny.

Good article BTW - now we know the real Tavish.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Oooh! Crawford. You sound like one of Tavs college chums. I bet your mama enjoyed calling you in for your tea! Yes but he is a tight wad either way I'm told!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Thanks Wardog, you're a bit of alright yourself.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Scunnert the answer to where they go to School is quite simple. England.