Wednesday, 4 November 2009

ROLL UP, ROLL UP FOR THE VIRTUAL BONFIRE NIGHT BONFIRE ON A BIG TELLY SCREEN!

Thousands of people will celebrate Guy Fawkes night tomorrow evening, crowded around a large TV after health and safety killjoys forced them to stage a virtual bonfire.
The event - dubbed 'non fire night' - will see dozens of families hold sparklers and gather around a massive screen showing film footage of a bonfire.
Recorded images of a roaring real fire will be projected onto a 16ft by 12ft screen mounted on a scaffolding stand - at a cost of £300.




Organisers at Ilfracombe Rugby Club in Devon say they were put put off having a real fire by the 'mountain' of paperwork and regulations set by council chiefs. Officials at the authority said that to have a real fire they would require five qualified fire marshals and metal barricades to keep people at a safe distance. The non-fire night will also involve giant heaters, lighting and a smoke machine to give the crowd the taste of a real bonfire night. Sounds of crackling wood will also be broadcast on loudspeakers.


FUCK ME! WHAT'S THIS COUNTRY COMING TO?

8 comments:

subrosa said...

Jeez what can I say. I know Ilfracombe and it's rugby club can't be any bigger than the one in my town.

Mind you here there is no bonfire these days, only fireworks organised by the council. All rather sad really.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Subrosa, what's the bloody point in having one. Surely it's the thrill of coming home stinking of smoke, your face red from the fire and your stomach full of shite hamburgers that makes it a magical night for kids. All humans love a big fire, it's a prehistoric thing. Mind you they'll be one or two hedgehogs happy it's not a real one!

damp squib said...

Will it not clash with Question Time on BBC1 ?

Dark Lochnagar said...

Sqibbers. No it's ok Griffen's the guy. (and I don't mean like your the MAN! kinda guy)!

banned said...

Time for Ilfracombers to stand up for themselves and have a bonfire of the council offices.

Same council ( Devon ) tries to ban the Ottery St Mary bonfire night. Whats wrong with lads running around the town streets with burning tar barrels on their necks ? Only a few people ever get burned.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Well Banned, I say if you're an adult and as long as it doesn't harm anyone else then you should be able to do what the fuck you want. Fuck me I'm becoming a libertarian! Where do I sign up?

Shades Of Ansel said...

I'm just asking the wife to pick me up and put me back in my wheelchair because I've not laughed so much in ages.This country isn't a country anymore.It's the laughing stock of the entire world.Oh dear,dear,dear.H&S,along with this wankstain government,have destroyed us all.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Ansel, it's a fucking joke. What happened to taking a risk. I suppose it was the no win, no fee shite we inherited from the States.