Thursday, 19 November 2009


A Motherwell couple Rab and Sadie Thomson and their two weans, Kylie and Kimberlie were yesterday evicted from their Council property in Motherwell after they painted it in "BURBERRY TARTAN".

"Me and Rab, jist love yon Tartan" a distressed Sadie told Dark Lochnagar yesterday, "maist of oor claes and the wean's pram is covered in it.  Ma Rab's bunnet is the same colour.  It's no fair, that it's just thae POSH BASTARDS doon in London that can have it, what aboot us scruff, we're FUCKING ASPIRATIONAL as weel.", she added.

"Am gaun tae write to that Alex Salmond.  This is supposed tae be the "year of the homecoming" and we paint oor hoose tartan to welcome thae Yanks an' that, an' thae Bastards evict us furr it!  Weel it's no fuckin fair.  Ah suppose weel havtae go and live wi his Maw noo, the crabbit faced auld craw.  She spoils thae weans by gaeing them tatties wi their mince.  Next thing the wee bastards will be wanting, milk oan their Rice Krispies".

Motherwell District Council Spokesman, Ed McKillop told us, "we're looking at moving the family to one of our properties in Wishaw, however this may cause problems moving a middle-class family into a working class area".


Tacy Emin said...

I think it looks ok actually. They've got Buckinham Palace in London so why can't we have a Buckie House in Scotland ?
A meeting place for the underclass to drink tonic wines and enjoy a square sausage roll.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Tacy, and maybe have a wee highland fling, some black bun and a skeetoosh! Fuck no that's the Broons!

banned said...

Nah, it was for the advertising on the guttering that got them evicted.
Mind you, the taggings on the neighbours house look pretty cool.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Well spotted Banned. It's actually in Norway. Just shows you, I thought the Scandanavians would be a bit less gadgeish!

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