Tuesday 20 October 2009

ARE WE OBSESSED WITH HEALTH AND SAFETY?


Hundreds of council workers were duped into taking part in a fake nationwide Health and Safety survey about accidents caused by biscuits. Four councils were so taken in by the official-looking 'British Biscuit Advisory Board' survey they reported having specific policy rules on safe biscuit consumption. One council even claimed to have supervised tea breaks for safety reasons.
However, perhaps we should not be too shocked - as the survey also found that one in five of the general public feel we need more rules and regulations concerning 'safe biscuit consumption'.

A spoof 'workplace biscuit risk assessment test' - written in bureaucratic Health and Safety language - was created and issued to 5,849 council workers across the UK. A total of 813 over-cautious council employees clicked through to the online survey and 437 worried workers actually took the time to complete it.

Research showed the general public is just as Health and Safety obsessed, with an incredible one in five believing there is a need for more rules and regulations concerning safe biscuit consumption.
ARE WE BECOMING OBSESSED WITH HEALTH AND SAFETY? And if so, WHY? Is it because of the culture of now suing for any small thing. The ADVERTISERS tell us we can get a cheque for £5,000 if we have an accident at work, even if it's our fault for going up the wrong ladder! Does nobody just use COMMON-SENSE ANYMORE?

9 comments:

hermit said...

"..437 worried workers actually took the time to complete it."

I would have been one of the 437.
It's just my mischievous nature.

To minimise the enormous risk of choking, all biscuits should be dunked and sucked through a wet cloth.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Hermit, as you probably wouldn't know living in a cave, let me bring you up to speed as you won't get a daily paper delivered. There are over 400 accidents a year from biscuits, so they are more dangerous than they might appear. Ten people seeming have put their back out Pppppicking up a penguin and a Custard Cream can choke small children because they tend to be greedy bastards.

banned said...

DL. I would be as happy as the next nihilist right wing blogger to mock this but could you be so kind as to supply a link ?
Or is your entire post an ironic take on modern Britain ?

hermit said...

D.L. I share your trepidation.
Don't forget that George W. was nearly offed by one of these killers masquerading as a harmless pretzel.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, I haven't worked out yet how to supply a link as my technical skills are not all they might be due probably to the early onset of technical dementia, however I seem to remember it was from the bowels of the Daily Mail where I glean a great deal of my stories, particularly the daft ones!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Hermit, my dilema is, and perhaps you can help, is a pretzel a biscuit or a savoury canape, particularly when you serve it like I do with a little beluga caviar on top? I find the saltyness compliments the taste of the sea that you get from the sexual stimulations of a male sturgeon, which of course produces the roe. I like to top mine with a half of a black olive from the Alto della Principia olive farm high in the Tuscan hills. I got this recipe from Signori Belluchi, head chef at a little restaurante in Firenze just off St Mark's Piazza, called La Bella Porcine. I went for my lunch there once when I was working as a stuntman for Roger Moore on one of the Bond Series, I can't remember which and it was there that I first met my second wife to be, a lady by the name of Raquel Welch. Anyway I must away to bed now to nobble my fifth wife, a little filly by the name of Helen Hunt. I've told her to get ready for me and I gave her a gold dildo which she has been using for the last two hours, so she should be well juiced up by now. Goodnight.

banned said...

On second thoughts, perhaps this sheds some light on Browns Mumsnet "what is your favorite biscuit ? " dilema, he could not answer for fear of arrest by the health'n'safety gestapo.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Ah you may be right banned. It may however be a Scottish religion thing as Porddies in Scotland eat chocolate biscuits and Catholics tend to go for custard creams.

health and safety said...

nice information.