Breaking News: Teuchters News Agency are reporting the incredible news that THE PRIME MINISTER has been shot by British Army FIRING SQUAD IN AFGHANISTAN.
An Army Spokesman said" We found this one-eyed Taliban wandering about, dressed in a white Muslim shirt wearing a tie. Only a sneaky ARAB BASTARD would be able to withstand 45% heat and still wear a tie." Colonel Giles Fortisquewe, added, " the prisoner seemed to be speaking English with a strange accent and the fact that he only had one eye showed he had been in action before, what!"
Brown was tied to the gun of the second last tank we have in Afghanistan. After borrowing a shell from the Americans, the prisoner was duly dispatched to meet his 20 virgins.
Deputy Leader, LORD OF THE RINGPIECES, MANDELSON is due to visit AFGHANISTAN NEXT WEEK AND A SIMILAR GREETING IS PROPOSED.