Troops are accused of being SMELLY BASTARDS!
A LEAKED US memo has accused British troops in Afghanistan of suffering from problems of "personal hygiene".
The report claims the commander declared: "Your standards of personal hygiene aren't good enough, and you have too many STINKY PUBIC AREAS. The Ministry of Defence last night dismissed the reports, saying the claims of one unnamed American commander were contradicted by dozens of on-the-record comments by US military chiefs praising THE HYGENE of UK forces in Afghanistan
An MoD spokesman said: "IT'S NOT FAIR, WE DON'T HAVE AS MUCH SOAP AS THEM AND WHAT WE HAVE HAS TO SHARED OUT. When it gets handed down from the OFFICERS' MESS, there is usually only a sliver and it is covered in PUBIC HAIRS AND BUM DEBRIS.
"We can only work with what we have. We don't want to smell like FUCKING ORCHIDS, like the YANKS do because the FUCKING TALIBAN can set off their roadside bombs WHEN THEY SMELL US. Better to blend in and be FUCKING SMELLY LIKE ONE OF THE ARAB BASTARDS, that way we don't get killed as much.
It's alright for the YANKEE WANKERS IN THEIR HELICOPTERS, the TALIBAN can't smell them at 3000 feet. We have to smell the POOFTAHS when we are on joint maneuvers and they smell like A WHORE'S KNICKERS!