SPORTS NEWS: The 100 metres freestyle at the ISLAMABAHAD SWIMMING COMPETITION was today won by a 12 year old swimmer, RASHID MOHAMMED.
His time of 1.23.10 was a new games record.
When asked if he had been practising long, he replied "No, I've just started swimming lessons, but there was a FUCKING THING WITH BIG TEETH CHASING ME".
THE THING later turned out to be a MR YASOUFF IBRAHAN who has been eating street urchins for many years.
The games continue tomorrow with the SUICIDE BOMBERS PLAY-OFF. Favourite in this section is Indira Patel who is 11 years old. Her appearance is in some doubt however, as she has been PRACTISING ALL WEEK.
MORE SPORTS NEWS SHORTLY..................................