Wednesday, 20 May 2009
EXCLUSIVE-JIMMY SAVILLE TO BE NEW SPEAKER
In a shock announcement from Downing Street, this afternoon, Mr Jimmy Saville KPMG, has been revealed as the new SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE OF COMMONS.
The 250-1 outsider has cost the Bookies millions as a late flood of informed bets from anonymous sources around Westminster brought him into even money favourite.
"JIM FUCKING FIXED IT FOR ME", smiled a jubilant LORD FOULKES as he left Ladbrokes grasping a large WAD in his pocket. The "WAD" later turned out to be an embarrassing testicular swelling which has been a problem for FOULKES for many years.
Jimmy Saville, who has been dubbed the WAKEFIELD WANKER by Tory MP, Sir SINGEON STEVENS, will start his duties shortly.
The famous shout from the SPEAKER OF "ORDER, ORDER", will henceforth be changed to "HOW'S ABOUT THAT THEN" and smoking will be re-introduced into the commons but only CIGARS will be allowed.
The LEADER OF THE HOUSE, HARRIET HARMAN MP has refused to smoke CIGARS as they give her a SORE THROAT, as indeed does JACQUI SMITH'S HUSBAND, WHEN SHE GIVES HIM A BLOW-JOB.
What is sure, is that the OLD HOUSE will be a more fun place in the future......