PRINCE CHARLE'S TO BE MASURBATED BY FOOTMAN TO COLLECT SPERM!

HRH PRINCE CHARLES CONTEMPLATES A WANK YESTERDAY

The D.L. news agency can exclusively reveal tonight, that plans are afoot to have a FOOTMAN, masturbate HRH Prince Charles, should he be near death.

All footmen in the employ of the Royal Family, have been issued with sperm collection bottles to be used if the Prince is about to snuff it.  The command has come from HRH, the Queen, who fears that Charle's sons, Willie and that other twat who was fathered by some polo player are unfit to take over the throne, if and when Charles ascends, provided of course the old fucker ever croaks it and that is debatable, because with modern medicine she may be kept alive until 143, meaning that she will have to send herself 144 telegrams.

In the quite likely event that Willie and Harry get eaten by some large animal, while visiting some country, to start some patently obviously, useless charity, next to where the England Rugby/Football/Hockey/Polo/Womens' Volleyball team just happens to be playing, or get the shite kicked out of them in some night club,  then the Prince's sperm will be used to create another Royal Patriach to look after the secret  family fortune which is hidden from view in various bank accounts.

The Queen's fifth cousin, David Cameron has suggested that if the Prince's sperm is not up to the job, then the Queen's nearest Royal relative, the son of Emperor Hirohito of Japan, should be invited to take up residence as the Royal family, in the time honoured custom.

DISGRACED MINISTER COMMITS SUICIDE!

A former Japanese finance minister who resigned after appearing to be drunk in public was found dead in his home yesterday. I BET AT FIRST YOU THOUGHT I WAS WRITING ABOUT ONE OF OUR FUCKWITS. NO CHANCE!



Shoichi Nakagawa was lying face down in bed when his wife discovered him, according to a spokesman for Tokyo police. Investigators have ruled out foul play, but would not comment on the possibility of suicide. Mr Nakagawa, who was 56, caused uproar when he appeared to slur his words and looked drowsy at a news conference during a meeting of Group of Seven financial leaders in Rome in February.

In Japan, suicide has traditionally been seen as an honourable way out when someone has brought shame on himself and family.


Could you imagine if our bunch of CORPULENT, CORRUPT, INCOMPETENT CRIMINALS were Japanese and did the same? FUCK ME, there would have to be fresh elections every THREE MONTHS!

OBAMA-"I WANT A G4 AND YOU CAN FUCK OFF BROWN!

HIS GREATNESS, MR OBAMA, President of the so called BANKRUPT U.S.A., wants to start a wee ECONOMICS GROUP called the "G4" consisting of the U.S.A., JAPAN, CHINA AND THE EUROZONE COUNTRIES.


The country led by the WORLD'S ECONOMIC SAVIOUR, i.e. us, is not to be included. I don't know if that is a good thing or not, perhaps the reality check might do us some good, but I know one thing, I WOULDN'T WANT TO BE NEAR A PRINTER IF CYCLOPS IS ABOUT!