Sunday 13 November 2011

MONTY TO TAKE OVER AS NEW ITALIAN PM




Respected former European Golfer of the year,Colin 'Monti' Montgomerie remains the top choice to try to steer the country out of its debt woes as the head of a transitional government, but Berlusconi's allies remained split over whether to support him.

However, 'the happy one', at one time dubbed, 'Mrs Doubtfire', by those ignorant American wankers, is the very man who can drag them out of the shite.

"They'll be no more Bunga-Bunga parties" said Monti, "but I will carry on with the traditional Italian shagging, although I'm not sure if I will go as young as 17.  I intend to bring in a law banning football, to punish the cheeky bastards for beating Scotland in qualifying for the last World Cup.  Pasta eating will also be banned and instead I will be introducing the mutton pie and deep fried Mars bars.  I will be shipping some of those arty pictures home for an exhibition in Govan, where the neds will be allowed to view them for nothing, in between glugs of Chianti, in order to confuse their sexual habits even more.

We will no longer be dictated to by that ugly Fraulein in Bonn and as a matter of fact if she can find an Italian man, it will be a miracle.  Mind you  a Scottish one would also be hard to find.  In future all scores between Scotland and Italy, will be 8-2 to the home side and if Italy doesn't let Andy Murray win the Italian open, they'll be hell to pay  Sorting out this lot will be a piece of pish, compared to winning the Ryder cup"!

8 comments:

Monty said...

He gets my vote !
He should try and finish off that colliseum thing as well. It's been getting built since pontious was a pilot.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Montezuma, Is he your brother? You're right and that forum is the same. A 4 hour flight to Rome to see that, it's falling down and then the cheeky fuckers wouldn't let me into the Vatican because I was wearing shorts!

Joe Public said...

Jonah's doing sweet FA at the moment, couldn't he be persuaded to take the job?

Monty said...

He's not my brother DL athough we have similar traits. Both love shagging and playing golf. And being grumpy.
I got a warm welcome when I turned up at the Vatican in my shorts. Mind you I was 8 at the time.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Publes, where the fuck is he? Has anyone seen him?

Dark Lochnagar said...

Montezuma, your parents were a bit lax letting you walk around the Vatican at 8,in shorts. You didn't get abused, I take it?

Monty said...

I was given some sweets and had to promise not to say anything otherwise I would "burn for eternity in a lake of hellfire". So fathers the word ;)

Dark Lochnagar said...

Montezuma, were you walking funny when you came out? I hope you held out for a Mars bar!