Tuesday, 8 March 2011


Belzer was mourned by friends and classmates for her gentle yet confident penis-stroking.

Friends, classmates, and loved ones gathered last night at a memorial service in the Westside High School Assembly Hall to celebrate the life of 17-year-old Kylie Belzer, who, before she died tragically in a car accident last week, was beloved for her bright personality and for giving easily the best hand jobs in the school.
The untimely passing of Belzer, whom mourners remembered as a smart, accommodating teen who loved to laugh, watch movies with friends, and bring male friends to sexual climax with her hand, has left many in Westside in a state of shock.
"She was more than just a girl who gave awesome hand jobs," said a classmate, who has known Belzer since before she started using both hands. "She was someone who was really eager to learn new things. And she wouldn't even get mad if you accidently ruined her sweater. In fact, she actually thought that was kind of funny, and looking back on it, I guess it was."
"But it was her care and attention to detail I'll miss most," he continued. "She really took her time and didn't seem to simply want to get it over with like most girls. Fantastic wrist action. Not too fast, not too rough. Just right.  In another six months she would have probably started to use her mouth."


banned said...

Your bad taste clearly knows no bounds DL, bravo.
I'm not going to discuss the untimely demise of stylish masturbator (©Daily Mash) KYLIE BELZER but your post reminds me of when a school headteacher sadly announces that "Terry (deceased) was a lively lad who always did very well in sports and was well liked by his classmates".

Which translates as "He was a bastard little tearaway, out of control cunt, fuck all good in the classroom who only excelled on the sports field because he was bigger than everyone else ".

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, actually it was 'The Onion' which gave me the idea, but you are right, my bad taste is legendary or if not legendary, then it fucking should be.

Yes, there is more fucking pish talked at funerals then at any other time. I particularly like it when there's some Minister or Priest who clearly has never met the deceased and knows fuck all about them. What fun!