Thursday, 23 December 2010


Crossbow cannibal Stephen Griffiths will die in jail
Stephen Griffiths, a PhD student who referred to himself as the Crossbow Cannibal, will spend the rest of his life in prison after he admitted murdering and dismembering three women whom he also claims to have eaten.
  • Judge-"what is your name"?
  • Griffiths-"The Crossbow Cannibal"
  • Judge-"How do you plead"?
  • Griffiths-"Not Guilty, my Lud".

Wouldn't it be nice if all court cases were as open and shut!

  • Judge-"What is you name"?
  • Blair-"Thieving, lying, dishonest, greasy, slippery fucker".
  • Judge-"How do you plead"?
  • Blair-"Guilty as charged".  Eh!  That wouldn't happen. 
 Feel free to make up your own.  In fact we could make it the D.L. Christmas competition.  A superb prize to the most original entry.  (The semi-naked bird has got fuck all to do with the story, it's just for titillation)


banned said...

I think it is the Clerk to the Court who asks
"What is your name?"
"Krimbo Kris the Robbing Rascal"
Clerk "How do you plead"
KKtRR "Do you want some an'all you Kunt fucking outside NOW!"

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, that is a worthy entry to start the competition off. We'll see if anyone else can be arsed entering.

Dioclese said...

Actually he did plead guilty on his second court appearance earlier this week. He reckons he killed three more as well!

See Old Nicks's post at which links back to a couple of newspaper articles as well.

They really should bring back the death penalty for bastarrds like this!

Budvar said...

Another fucking nutter from my home town.
Donald Neilson AKA "The Black Panther".
Peter Sutcliffe AKA "The Yorkshire Ripper"
Now this daft cunt, must be something in the water...

Not quite what you're after with the competition thing, but The Yorkshire Post had the headline "Bradford killer 'had severe personality disorder '". No fucking kidding, that's got to be in the running for "The 2010 award for stating the bleedin obvious goes to...".

Then there's always the understated headlines. The Telegraph & Argus (local paper) had the headline "Bradford man drowns at sea" the day the Titanic sank.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Greekers, I think that all serial killers should be done away with, starting with that Kellogg cunt. His snap, crackle and pop is shite.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Budders,fuck me! I'm not going to criticize you in case in case you come after me with an axe. Mind you the 'Budvar Chopper Murderer' has quite a good ring to it.

But although you didn't strictly fulfill the criteria of the joke, you're still in the running.

Highland Cooncil said...

Clerk to the Court asks
"What is your name?"

I dunno. It's only hearsay.

Anonymous said...

Clerk: What’s your name?

Defendant: Nick Clegg, Deputy Prime Minister, answering questions on duplicity

Judge: Don’t bother pleading or having a trial. I sentence you to be taken from this court to a place of execution and there to be hanged by the neck until dead. May the Lord blah blah blah, etc...

Budvar said...

Speaking of "Chopper", these never get old.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Cooncillor, fuck me the old ones are the best, but it's in the running!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Tris, chance would be a fine thing and I could think of some others can go with him. The fucker.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Budders, I'm going to have a wee shufty at those in the morning.

@A2Mac said...

Judge-"What is your name?"

Sheridan-" Honest Tommy the sun tanned socialist,messiah of the left, saviour of the working man and wealthy celebrity hypocrite"

Judge-"How do you plead?"

Sheridan-"Your Lordship, I am afraid this is all a misunderstanding.

I was researching exploitation of our comrade sisters in England. I enquired with my taxi driver as to the location of the Working Girls Clubs location thinking this would be the wives of salt of the earth socialists.

I was shocked to discover after making many visits and spending many hours in these dens of corruption that things were different down south.

I completed my notes and could not locate my rucksack, I enquired as to its location with the waitresses,

I said "I'm looking for my Holdoll" Well she misunderstood....

The rest as they say is perjury.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Maccers, That's in the lead so far, excellent. I wonder how the fuck Gail, managed to get off with it. If I'd have known it was that much fun to be a Socialist, I'd have given it a whirl. Well, maybe not.

@A2Mac said...


Seems Tommy did not want to fuck any of the bearded comrade women in his party and they got jealous.

Was listening to Radio Scotland this morning and it was funny listening to the lefty mongtards moralising about the rights and wrongs of Tommy.

Lefties always amuse me with their moralising tyranny combined with everyone is equal except us in the leadership.

I did not like his politics but he was a least entertaining. Compare that to the likes of that cunt Ian Grey.

@A2Mac said...

Judge-"What is you name"?

Berlusconi-" I am ze Cavaliere, The Presidente del Consiglio dei Ministri Presidente del Consiglio dei Ministri

Judge-"How do you plead to the charge that you had sex with teenage eastern european prositutes, corruption and being a member of the mafia.

Berluscon-"I am not guilty of corruption my friend, just very generous with my money and like to share with my friends.

I am an Italian man of course I fucked the young prostitutes and as for being a member of the Cosa Nostra. YES, I am.

Judge: In the name of Italian justice I find you innocent of all charges. See you at the club on friday Brother.

@A2Mac said...

Judge-"What is your name?"

Obama-" Barak Obama


Obama-"You have not heard the evidence.

Judge- "I can see by the look OF your face your guilty"

Obama- "Is it cos I is black?"

Judge -"Yes"

Crinkly & Ragged Arsed Philosophers said...

Imperial Joke - Times headline 1900.

Fog in the Channel; Continent isolated.

Dark Lochnagar said...

A2Maccers, some good ones there. I don't think politics was lessened any by Sheridan. He was a prick and totally opposed to my politics, but at the time I though he was sincere. I don't now, know if he was or whether he was just one of these cunts that can't keep his cock out of other women. I could believe anything about Gail, she's a right hard looking cow.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Crinkleyarse, those were the days. No fucking EU then!