British children reckon the Spanish Armada is a national dish, Walter Raleigh invented the bicycle and 18th Century explorer Captain Cook was the helm of Starship Enterprise, according to research released today .
Frighteningly, a new survey also reveals that many also think that the Battle of Waterloo was fought at the London rail terminal, Horatio Nelson captained the French football team in the Nineties... and that thousands have never set foot in the sea.
One in six thought Raleigh was the brains behind the Chopper, not the adventurer responsible for bringing tobacco and potatoes back to our home shores.
And 14 per cent believe Captain James Cook instead of Captain James T Kirk uttered 'Beam me up Scotty' in Star Trek rather than command the Endeavour in his first voyage of discovery to Australia and New Zealand.
The report found six in ten youngsters didn't know the Battle of Waterloo was fought in Belgium.
Three quarters didn't realise Trafalgar Square is home to Nelson's Column, with eight per cent reckoning it's from Eastenders, while 15 per cent thought it was a shopping centre or chocolate biscuit.
And a worrying one in ten said Horatio Nelson was the captain of the French national football team in the Nineties and the same number said Christopher Columbus discovered gravity.
Only 58 per cent could identify Blackbeard as the feared real-life pirate, with one in ten believing it was Johnny Depp's Pirates of the Caribbean character Jack Sparrow.
Nine per cent thought Francis Drake wrote The Wind in the Willows, a shocking 22 per cent believed ships evacuated soldiers from Dover rather than Dunkirk, and one in six reckoned Nelson's Column commemorates Mandela's release from captivity.
A good laugh, but it's also deadly serious, because if we don't know where we've been we won't know where we're going!