Friday, 12 March 2010


An image of Jesus has appeared in burned bacon fat at the bottom of a frying pan, it has been claimed.  Toby Elles, 22, made the discovery after burning the food when he fell asleep while cooking.
After lifting off the scorched bacon Mr Elles, from Salford, Lancs, could not believe his eyes when the Christlike image stared back at him.  The face is complete with eyes, nose, a beard and is framed by long flowing hair. Mr Elles, a cashier for Halifax Bank, said: "I fell asleep cooking some bacon and it had burned this face onto the pan, it's some kind of miracle.  I believe that God is watching over me and nothing bad will ever happen to me"  said Toby just before he suffered the large heart attack which killed him.

It looks more like Charles the Second to me! 


Don't Call Me Dave said...

Jesus was Jewish and would therefore not appear in a bacon pan!

I am Bwian said...

Jesus was born into a Jewish family but was a Christian. The Jews had him killed for sedition as they didn't believe he was the son of God, their saviour. The Jews are still waiting for the messiah to arrive.
So Jews are old testament believers waiting for the messiah.
Christians have met their messiah ( Jesus) and wrote all about it in the new testament.
This is why Jews don't celebrate Christmas or Easter. They don't recognise the occasion as they don't recognise Jesus as the messiah.
The chap in the picture should have bought a non stick frying pan but was a stupid banker from the Halifax so I shall forgive him.

Don't Call Me Dave said...

And there was me thinking that it was the Romans wot killed him. As everyone knows, Jesus was not the son of God but of Naughtius Maximus.

Biggus Dickus said...

The Romans were in charge at the time so did the killing but it was the pharises who accused Jesus of being a rabble rouser. I think the Romans just wanted a quiet life and it was neither here nor there to them. According to the gospels Pilatus wasn't too keen on the killing but saw it as a way to keep the mob happy.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Fred, I take your point but we seem to have developed a Jewish debating society here. I'll get back to you in two comments!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Bwian, I would have to take issue with you that Christ was the first Christian. At what point do we know that God had told him that he was going to start a religion? Could he possibly have been the child of a Roman? Did his maw, commmit adulterous fannyious? Did Peenii Maximus have it in for her? Anyway Fred's point about the bacon is not valid. In my experience some Jews eat bacon like fuck when they think know one is looking.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Fred, nice to meet you again. You make a valid point about the Romans killing Christ but not about the bacon eating by Jews as in previous comment. They're not very keen on shellfish as well particularly small prawns which they are not allowed to eat for some reason.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Peeni Tremendi, you are historically correct, but what's that got to do with the price of fish? Or loaves for that matter?

I am Bwian said...

DL. God made the virgin Mary pregnant by miraculous conception. 'No dickus wos requiredus' is latin for virgin birth.
God sent Jesus via Mary to die for the sins of the world. It was all planned ( even the Judas bit and the rolling stone bit). So we can assume God wanted Jesus to be a Christian and get the religion off to a good start. A bit like Thatcherism under Maggie. She started the whole thing off. Although in her case it died when she left office.
Looking back now it's a bit ropey historically. I mean 3 wise men in the middle east ? And born in a manger in December ? That's the rainy season out there and all the barns would be chocca with animals sheltering for the winter. Certainly no space for a Christian love in.

CrazyDaisy said...


LMFAO at the thought of Jews eating a few plates of bacon butties when no one is looking!

The wife teaches quite a few Jewish Princesses at her school - spoilt little troughers!

Wonder if any Muslims keep dogs for a pet?


Biggus Dickus said...

DL. Well Fred said it was the Romans wot killed Jesus and I said yes but that they were put up to it by the local jewish mob who wanted him out of the way as he was getting too popular.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Bwian, this comment thread is becoming an evangelical mission. Anybody IMO who believes in all that Big Man up in the sky sending his only son to be crucified by some Roman governer shite is bonkers. But, as a balanced person, (chip on both shoulders, Scottish thing), if that's what they believe then fair dos.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Daisy, I used to work with this Jewish guy from the East end of London and I remember being with him on a Jolly in Florida. The fucker couldn't get bacon in his face fast enough and his excuse was that it was ok because he was away from home!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Penii Tremendii, yes I remeber seing the film, Ben Hur or the Greatest Story Ever Told or something. Just like being there! Mind you the crucifiction scene would have benn more realistic in 3D.

RantinRab said...

Who the fuck is this Jesus cunt?

It looks like Shadrach Dingle from Emmerdale.

I am Bwian said...

DL. Yes it's all bollox but imagine if we were able to convert Rab though ? That would be cool. Show him the way to the Lord. A cheesy Friday night story. Oh I see you've already got a cheesy Friday night story about rolling cheeses down a hill. Like the stone rolling from the Jesus tomb ? Is it a sign ?

Dark Lochnagar said...

Rab, who the fuck is Shadrach Dingle and what is an Emmerdale? I tried to google it, but even they haven't mapped it.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Bwian, it's a bit spooky that you have pointed that out. I am definately going to church this Sunday to see what all this shite is about! Is it a bit like a cheese and wine party? Do you get your own fondue?

subrosa said...

I sense this laddie is a bit of a dab hand with photoshop and less of a dab hand with cooking.

Have you ever tasted communion wine DL? Many years ago to impress the accompanying boyfriend I shuffled down the aisle. Actually I was kind of looking forward to it because I thought a good drop would cure the hangover from the good time the night before.

The manny in the frock must have realised I wasn't one of his flock, or anyone's flock, because the goblet didn't even come within sniffing distance and I was shoved past! Haven't been back.

The Right Honourable the Baron Mandelson of Foy in the County of Herefordshire and Hartlepool in the County of Durham, First Secretary of State and Lord President of the Privy Council and Secretary of State for Business and Secretary of State for Innovation and Skills, and Church Commissioner. said...

I love the feel of something hard and cheesy in my throat.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Rosie. The answer to that is no. I have a childhood memory though of when on occasion my father dragged me off to church of wanting to know what the wee metal rings were for, which of course held the communion glasses. I never managed to get there when the 'big' communion day came around once a year. Although my wife is a Catholic and I have accompanied her to church usually at Christmas in the first few years of our marriage, I never felt I could go down to partake of the communion biscuit and wine. All that 'body of Christ' bit probably offended my Presbyterian roots in some deeply pysciological way!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Your greatness, we are indebted to you once more for deeming to visit our little blog. When you say 'hot and cheesy' is one talking of a slice of Parmesan? Or is one inferring you might like a fleshy knob blocking your glands? Perhaps one woukld like something hot and hard up one's 'rectum'. Like a red hot poker for instance. the same thing was applied to James the second of Scotland and it certainly 'reckedhim'

a more plausible explanation said...

I don't think the messiah would use such a crude attempt to say hello to us. Especially after all his miracles and that.
I suspect that Jesus noticed the lovely smell of bacon and bent forward to smell it better and got his coupon stuck to the pan. I'd look for a man with a burnt face and some rashers stuck to his coupon trying to figure out how to do a miracle on himself as he didn't fancy looking like Nikki Lauda for the rest of eternity.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Plausible, Congratulations you win the comment of the week competition!

Perhaps in the Palestine having a couple of rashers stuck to your coupon is some sort of status symbol. It may even be some sort of a religious sign, like the cross. Maybe the bible got it wrong and one of the wise men came bearing some rindless, unsmoked back bacon instead of Myrhh. Whatever that is.

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