Monday, 25 January 2010


This is not a trick question but, do you think David Cameron actually said these words? Of course he didn’t. “Call me Dave” didn’t say these words because Dave could not have possibly said them; he is a politician, and needs our votes and he is sooooo politically correct. 

Not that it matters really if Scots give him their votes because, unless he is caught goosing the Queen’s corgis, he is a dead cert. to be the United Kingdom’s next Prime Minister, whether anybody in Scotland votes for him and his party or not. He just doesn’t need us, well not our votes anyway. Thatcher had the same gift, power to rule from without but no mandate to rule from within. She carried on regardless and memorably said “We English, who are a marvellous people, are really very generous to Scotland.'”

The question is not what Dave says, because as far as I can make out, he actually says substantially not a lot but, what does he think.

Dave’s policy is simple, the Tony Blair strategy and the one refined by Barak Obama; speak often but say nowt, at least nowt of substance that can be dissected by detractors or opponents. Dave hasn’t quite mastered the Obama slickness that led him to the Presidency by the utterance of one word, “believe.” Dave hasn’t found that word yet but, believe you me he is trying.

In Westminster Dave sits directly opposite, day in day out, the former Chancellor and unelected Prime Minister who will rank as the worst to hold either office this side of the Great Flood, the biblical one, not the one last year in Northumberland. Dave is facing an open goal but seems congenitally incapable of scoring. In a lighter mood elsewhere I have posted that Dave couldn’t score in a Bordello but never having met the chap in the zoos I frequent, how could I possibly know? How could anybody know anything real about Dave? Even his famous bike runs from home to Westminster were publicity stunts. Dave is a construct of David.

Dave’s policy just seems to be pussyfoot about and wait for the crown to fall into his hands. Speak no evil, speak no policies just, don’t rock the boat.

He is as centrist as Gordon Brown, no Stalinist but maybe pretty close, without Gordon’s gulags. Everything is decided from his tight circle of friends most of whom are public school educated, although not all at Eton like Dave.

Of the thirty-one members of Dave’s cabinet eighteen went to English public schools although you will not find that on the Conservative Party’s website as, all reference to their education has now been airbrushed away. A further three went to “state” Roman Catholic schools in Scotland which, I would wager, are run by religious orders and selective so, they are not the local bog standard schools either.

Of this thirty-one, twelve studied at Oxford and seven at Cambridge. That makes it by my reckoning 60% of his cabinet are Oxbridgers.

More tellingly, a piece by Rachael Sylvester in The Times in July last year lifts the lid on Dave’s real cabinet, his sofa and dinner table one.

Dave has a Notting Hill (WC11) clique of friends which is his sounding board, his finger on our national pulse.

Many commentators in the English MSM, journalists and posters rail at the Scottish Mafia running the Westminster Political Circus, Blair, Brown, Reid, Darling, the Campbells even Cameron because of his surname. Dave has his Notting Hill Storm Troopers to keep him didactically pure. Well I suppose that is the West of Scotland votes covered for the Tories then?

So would Dave have actually called the Scots “Porridge Wogs?” Of course he would not but, would he have thought it? I don’t know and couldn’t even guess because, Dave doesn’t so out-loud thinking. Porridge Wogs, Mongs (as in Mongols) and Sweatys (meaning socks, as in Jocks or even Jock Straps) are in daily use on English Blogs to describe Scots as well as Subsidy Junkies and Deep Fried Mars Bars. Personally this doesn’t bother me too much as I have an acronym of my own to describe them. However, if they tried that tactic in the Press with Blacks, Gypsies, Tinkers or, heaven forbid, Muslims, the full weight of Plod would be felt on their collars cheered on by the PC brigade. Dave would never say such a thing but if someone did it around his dinner table after the Port, would he silently laugh?

If the face on the poster had been Boris I would not have been so sure but, if he had said it I would have laughed it off as just a “Borisism”, a joke made up on the hoof and gone wrong. Boris is refreshingly un PC otherwise known as gaff prone. At least you know where you are with Boris, you know what you are getting, unlike our Dave.

So who is Oor Dave saying this to?

Well, my betting is that he is whispering it into Aunty Annabel’s ear.

With that unedifying thought, I will leave you to splutter your McVitties over the keyboard.

Pass the mind bleach please.

Bugger (the Panda)


Anonymous said...

the porridge goblers will bend over and brace themselves as they have done throughout the centuries, you cant full all of the people all of the time, unless of course they are Scottish, you can take the pish out of them 24 7 365 decade after decade century after century, nothing will change because the powers that be know that the Scots will never do anything, no other native people on earth would put up with the abuse the Scots take, in years to come they will not even be a footnote in history

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your contribution, enlightening as it was.

scunnert said...

Brand Cameron will be sleek and shiny. The rhetoric will be predictable:

"We've got to start living within our means."

We've got to tighten the belt."

Britain has to become competitive again."

"We have to cut corporate taxes to attract inward investment."

Heard it all before. The reality will be more for the rich and less for everyone else - unless you live in SE Engerlund. But hey - bring it on. Scots already know that the Tories are no alternative. This will only speed up the drive towards independence.

Anonymous said...

Agreed Scunnert.

How in the name of the wee man can Scots see through Cameron and the Tories but not the Labour Party and Gordon Brown or Michael Martin for that matter.

A PhD is there somewhere?

The Young Oligarch said...

"A further three went to “state” Roman Catholic schools in Scotland which, I would wager, are run by religious orders and selective so, they are not the local bog standard schools either."

How much were you going to wager , so I can get my bet on quick ?

Are you really Scottish , BtP ?
I only ask because of your complete lack of any grasp of the educational realities of Scotland .
Here we have a two-tier system of Comprehensive schools , one RC , the other "Non-Denominational" (i.e. PC NuLabour Humanist) .
None are selective and none are run by religious orders .

Liam Fox is the only member of the Shadow Cabinet to have attended a Scottish RC state school - St.Bride's High School in East Kilbride . It has now merged with the nearby St.Andrew's High and their details can be found on South Lanarkshire Council's website .

It is one of three Comprehensive schools (the only RC one) in East Kilbride , which , you may be aware , is a New Town near Glasgow and not in a leafy Home Counties commuter belt .

Good school , though .

These are fairly major details you've got wrong at the start of your piece . What else is incorrect or skewed by ill-informed speculation ?

Anonymous said...


You may well be right as the only thing was the schools.

yes I am Scottish and yes I went to a bog standard school in Maryhill or as we used to call it Inner Bearsden.

The RC and non denomination split, although there are Jewish and maybe Muslim schools as well so ay be religious or denominational and non denominational My father was a school janitor in a non denomination, then Junior Secondary.

I have not the slightest clue which members of the shadow cabinet attended denominational schools or not I just assumed, having heard Liam Fox on the tele that he would have come from some selective or fee paying RC school.

As for the other stuff, follow the references.

I assume that these, written by people who are paid to do so, would have checked what they had written or at least they would have retracted had they been erroneous?

Home Counties, don't make me laugh.

Anonymous said...


Is St Joseph's in Dumfries not still in opertion?

The Acceptable Face of Satanism said...

Hypocrisy is a terrible thing. As is prejudice.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Satanism, in defense of Bugger, I don't think it is prejudice to say that someone had attended a Catholic school. My wife is nominallly a Catholic having been baptised one and had a Catholic education. The Catholic church, as do the some Muslims and Jews insist on having their own schools attended by and run by their own faiths within the state system. Personally I am of the impression that it indeed creates predujice when kids are seperated at 4 or 5 from their mates and sent to different schools. Perhaps that is one of the reasons we have the religious bigotry which has been inherent in our society for so long. I say send them to the same state schools as happens in other countries and should their parents require religious instruction in their particular faith that should be done at their church either at the weekends or after school hours. I know many muslim children go to the Mosque for 1.5-2 hours after school for religious instruction so I don't see why it can't work for other faiths.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Anonymous, as this is a guest post I'm not sure if I should swear. Aye Ok, Fuck off! p.s. use a proper ID the next time you tosser.

The Acceptable Face of Satanism said...

Sorry, DL. I was being too brief to make myself clear. I agree with everything Mr Bugger wrote. The hypocrisy and prejudice I was referring to was that of Cameron and others of his authoritarian and pretentious ilk. Nor do I disagree with your response. Indeed, I would go further: I would say religious indoctrination of children is, certainly in some cases and possibly in all, a form of child abuse. It is all Satanism.

The Young Oligarch said...

Inner Bearsden ? Surely that should be Upper Kelvinside ?

I always thought Liam Fox sounded like a Glasgow Uni educated professional , with just a hint of his W Scotland RC roots . I've got a mate who went to a similar school to him in Wishaw who is much plummier than him .

Can't find any reference in the link to the statistics you give of another 2 who went to Scottish RC state schools . The statistics are available on Wikipedia , though .

Seems Mundell went to Lockerbie Academy and Annabel to Greenock Academy - hardly RC , but , probably and rightly , selective in those days .

With you about the revolting hatred of us Scots spewed by (mostly Southern) English scumbags . I used to work down there and got this sort of stuff from the local pond-life all the time .

"Wot you doin ere , then , you Jock b*****d ?"they would often enquire .
"I'm here to steal your jobs and your womenfolk" was my invariable reply .

One out of two wasn't bad .

CallMeDave is certainly not of that mould .

He will , in all probability , ignore Scotland as much as possible . Oor Alec , on the other hand , will jump up and down and squeal "English Tory Cuts !" at every 100% necessary budget reduction which any party would have to bring in , English , Tory or whatever .

The sad thing is that many will believe him . (Usually the same ones who think that , were it not for the anti-Scottish malice of the Wicked Witch of Grantham , Scotland would be a workers paradise of steelworks , mines and shipyards).

St.Joseph's is just another comprehensive now , with a higher than average number of what our RC friends refer to as "Non-Catholic" pupils and staff . The Marist brothers seem to have moved out as the cooncil moved in .

Can't agree with the anti-RC schools bit from DL and others , but will comment on that when I get back from work .

Anonymous said...

Good Morning all.

DL, who obviously does not sleep. has responed for me as I slumbered.

So thanks to hi and now my tuppenceworth.

To Mr Satanist, (but not really a satanist)I agree with respect to your second post. You take the Christopher Hutchins position that religious indoctrination (aka education)of children is child abuse. I tend to agree, particularly wrt the RC church, whose officials have done just that. They used it as their private, for very personal use, source of children to defile.

The indoctrination of children into believing in a sky fairy and other variations is to my mind also child abuse as it prepares them for an adulthood of obedience, obsequiousness to political parties and other institutions. My anger is not so much trained on the rights to believe which cannot be proved, or even not to, but that the taxpayer is subsidising it. Let the have their "faiths" but in their time and at their expense.

I believe that the RC vote was bought in Scotland by the Labour Party, in particular the West, by the establishment of RC schools. Pulpit Politics, I believe, are now largely irrelevant except in small pockets in West Central Scotland and in a residual tribal manner.

I am all for the dissociation of religion and State, as in France.

If you want to know where the Mairie of any town just head for the church spire or cathedral lup an you find it there, directly opposite, on land confiscated by Napoleon to teach the RC church who was the master in the land.

Turning now to the YO, especially the second of his posts.

I have already said that I did not check the assertion in the Tomes that the three Scottish shadow cabinet ministers who were RCs were educated at some fee paying or selective RC school.

Robert Gove is sometimes forgotten to be a Scot, maybe because he has chosen to anglicise himself but, he was born in Edinburgh and raised in Aberdenn by a Fish Merchant. He dtudied at Robert Gordon's so is not one of the 2 missing RCs.

I can't find anymore but, quite a fair few RCs in my day opted to study at non denominational schools particularly, if they were in the natural catchment area of a good non dom school such a Lenzie Academy.

Notre Dame, St Aloysius and St Mungo's all took in pupils outwith their catchment area and were then controlled, run or associated with religious orders.

Anyway this proves nowt.

Anonymous said...

To return, my jocular thrust was that Dave is another non political, politician. He has no heart, no direction except Dave.

For me Politicians should be people who have an open political philosophy. They should make a direction marker and say this is where I want to go with me and why. If you don't want to, fine, find another.

That is why I have less of a problem with Thatcher than many other Scots. She never hid what she was about but Dave is a self marketed career politican where brand takes precedence over substance, a Milky Bar PM.

He says what way do you want to go and I will take you there. This is what Tony Blair perfected and Dave is a genetic clone of Tony. The left over bits were bluetacked together and produced Nicholas Clegg; all nothing politicians.

I repeat that Dave appears to have his ear to the ground by way of a coterie of intimates, of his own class, Oxbridge and Notting Hill. He is an autocrat and relies on information culled from various sources by various techniques to be then sifted and presented to him. He doesn;t get out there except for photo opportunities. The people who surround all autocrats tend to gravitate to giving him the information that they think he wants to have; cf Gordon Brown and flying Nokias. All autocratic empires and businesses ultimately fail for just that reason.

Scotland will never feature high on Dave's agenda for two basic reasons

1 He hopes that he will never need Scottish votes to rule in Westminster. The Thatcher gambit.

2 The cost of actually getting votes in Scotland are disproportionate to the effort requires by a great degree, A sort of reverse Pareto's Law, if you like.

He will concentrate on the arginal seats where he can lever Labour of the Westinster and then he will disassemble the system that put them and kept them there. I would.

As for Dave's unspoken thoughts on us lesser mortals in Scotland well, who knows, and Dave is not saying.

Actions speak louder than words and I am sure he will oblige later this year in the same or their absence.
Like Thatcher, ignoring Scotland will ultimately be a large feature in his undoing.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Bugger, I agree with you about Thatcher. Far too many Scots who were not there at the time,(I was), fail to remember the state of the country with that fucker Callaghan. Internationally we were a basketcase and nationally and against what I believed she neutered the SNP and Nationalism by giving the country ie. the UK, back some pride as she took on the Argies and the EU. Another pile of shite is talked about the poll tax. The guy next to me had 5 weans all working giving him 7 in his house compared to two in mine. He therefore had 3.5 times everything I had, so why should he pay the same rates? Anyway I've argued pro-Thatcher before on this site and I don't want to get bogged down on that again. I'm looking forward to Y.O.'s comments on Catholic schools though.

scunnert said...

I remember Callaghan - a useless feeble man. I remember him (while PM) saying on the telly that if he were younger he'd immigrate. That's what Labour call vision and leadership.

I remember Thatcher - just the sound of her voice made me want to throttle her (is that wrong?). Her disdain for common working folks and their aspirations disgusted me. She wanted a nation fit for spivs and speculators. Seeing where she was going I took Callahan's advice and got a plane ticket out.

Watching Dave I can see where he's going as well - wherever the City tells him. I see no difference between Dave, Gordon, and Tony - pimps for trans national capital - all three.

Personally I'd like to see UKIP and the BNP take over Engerlund. That would wake the bastards up.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Scunnert, I would disagree with you about Thatcher. I thought she was very aspiritional and although she had an totty English accent if that's the one she had, I don't suppose there's much she could have done about it. I dare say Scottsh accents grate with the English as well.

I agree with you about 'just call me Dave', I would prefer Boris Johnson, at lesst you know where you stand with him. UKIP would do for me as well, the only problem being that they have no experience and a bunch of wankers as candidates.

Anonymous said...

DL and Scunnert

I suppose all will be revealed post GE and we rally shall just have to wait to see which way the wind blows.

I know that if I were Wee Eck I would have strategies mapped out for most possible results.

My gut feeling is that the repulsion by the voters towards Broon is in no small way counterbalanced by a core rejection of Cameron by a lot of voters who could have been persuaded to go with Cameron.

Cameron is so obviously a "trust me" politicians and a lot of people have fallen for that one too often.

His background is a bad starting point for those who could be convinced.

My money is on an incomplete majority for the Tories and thus some sort of arrangement with the LibDums.

All Hell will break loose in Scotland in that case or even in the case of Dave having a slim overall ajority.

What everyone forgets is the the NI MPs could actually have the dealbreaker seats. The Proddy vote there used to be part of the Tories in all but name but has been open to bribery from Westminster for any years as witness The Brown deal with them recently that allowed them the rights to surplus MOD land and assets.

Now if Scotland were to get their its on Faslane and offer it to the highest bidder?

Time for a cool head and steady hand. The Labour Party will disintegrate in Scotland and sooner than most people think.

Just my random thoughts.

Thanks for all, especially the YO for your contributions.

Anonymous said...

Thank you DL for my chance to post this piece on your website.

Bugger (the Panda)

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Dark Lochnagar said...

Anonymous, our pleasure. Drop in anytime. Make a name up next time.

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