Monday, 25 January 2010
A GUEST POST FROM BUGGER THE PANDA
This is not a trick question but, do you think David Cameron actually said these words? Of course he didn’t. “Call me Dave” didn’t say these words because Dave could not have possibly said them; he is a politician, and needs our votes and he is sooooo politically correct.
Not that it matters really if Scots give him their votes because, unless he is caught goosing the Queen’s corgis, he is a dead cert. to be the United Kingdom’s next Prime Minister, whether anybody in Scotland votes for him and his party or not. He just doesn’t need us, well not our votes anyway. Thatcher had the same gift, power to rule from without but no mandate to rule from within. She carried on regardless and memorably said “We English, who are a marvellous people, are really very generous to Scotland.'”
The question is not what Dave says, because as far as I can make out, he actually says substantially not a lot but, what does he think.
Dave’s policy is simple, the Tony Blair strategy and the one refined by Barak Obama; speak often but say nowt, at least nowt of substance that can be dissected by detractors or opponents. Dave hasn’t quite mastered the Obama slickness that led him to the Presidency by the utterance of one word, “believe.” Dave hasn’t found that word yet but, believe you me he is trying.
In Westminster Dave sits directly opposite, day in day out, the former Chancellor and unelected Prime Minister who will rank as the worst to hold either office this side of the Great Flood, the biblical one, not the one last year in Northumberland. Dave is facing an open goal but seems congenitally incapable of scoring. In a lighter mood elsewhere I have posted that Dave couldn’t score in a Bordello but never having met the chap in the zoos I frequent, how could I possibly know? How could anybody know anything real about Dave? Even his famous bike runs from home to Westminster were publicity stunts. Dave is a construct of David.
Dave’s policy just seems to be pussyfoot about and wait for the crown to fall into his hands. Speak no evil, speak no policies just, don’t rock the boat.
He is as centrist as Gordon Brown, no Stalinist but maybe pretty close, without Gordon’s gulags. Everything is decided from his tight circle of friends most of whom are public school educated, although not all at Eton like Dave.
Of the thirty-one members of Dave’s cabinet eighteen went to English public schools although you will not find that on the Conservative Party’s website as, all reference to their education has now been airbrushed away. A further three went to “state” Roman Catholic schools in Scotland which, I would wager, are run by religious orders and selective so, they are not the local bog standard schools either.
Of this thirty-one, twelve studied at Oxford and seven at Cambridge. That makes it by my reckoning 60% of his cabinet are Oxbridgers.
More tellingly, a piece by Rachael Sylvester in The Times in July last year lifts the lid on Dave’s real cabinet, his sofa and dinner table one.
Dave has a Notting Hill (WC11) clique of friends which is his sounding board, his finger on our national pulse.
Many commentators in the English MSM, journalists and posters rail at the Scottish Mafia running the Westminster Political Circus, Blair, Brown, Reid, Darling, the Campbells even Cameron because of his surname. Dave has his Notting Hill Storm Troopers to keep him didactically pure. Well I suppose that is the West of Scotland votes covered for the Tories then?
So would Dave have actually called the Scots “Porridge Wogs?” Of course he would not but, would he have thought it? I don’t know and couldn’t even guess because, Dave doesn’t so out-loud thinking. Porridge Wogs, Mongs (as in Mongols) and Sweatys (meaning socks, as in Jocks or even Jock Straps) are in daily use on English Blogs to describe Scots as well as Subsidy Junkies and Deep Fried Mars Bars. Personally this doesn’t bother me too much as I have an acronym of my own to describe them. However, if they tried that tactic in the Press with Blacks, Gypsies, Tinkers or, heaven forbid, Muslims, the full weight of Plod would be felt on their collars cheered on by the PC brigade. Dave would never say such a thing but if someone did it around his dinner table after the Port, would he silently laugh?
If the face on the poster had been Boris I would not have been so sure but, if he had said it I would have laughed it off as just a “Borisism”, a joke made up on the hoof and gone wrong. Boris is refreshingly un PC otherwise known as gaff prone. At least you know where you are with Boris, you know what you are getting, unlike our Dave.
So who is Oor Dave saying this to?
Well, my betting is that he is whispering it into Aunty Annabel’s ear.
With that unedifying thought, I will leave you to splutter your McVitties over the keyboard.
Pass the mind bleach please.
Bugger (the Panda)