Scottish Secretary, Jim Murphy was told yesterday by the UK BORDERS AGENCY, that he had "AS MUCH INFLUENCE AS A FLY ON A SHITE".
MURPHY had tried to get visas for 65 PAKISTANI PIPERS FROM LAHORE, who were to have competed in the WORLD PIPE-BAND CHAMPIONSHIP in Glasgow this weekend. A visit to discuss Business by some leaders from Lahore was also cancelled. This might have brought some much needed jobs to Glasgow.
A spokesman for the agency said", Who does this MURPHY think he is? These people may have been carrying bombs in their BAGPIPES! We have to be vigilante you know, we can't let every Tom, Dick and Paki in to the country. We don't mind a few white ones from ALBANIA but we're not too keen when they're BROWN.
As this is a RESERVED MATTER FOR WESTMINSTER, the SNP GOVERNMENT in Scotland were unable to help with this INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT. A spokesman was quoted as saying, " The whole thing is FUCKING RIDICULOUS.
MURPHY is as much use AS A ASHTRAY ON A MOTORBIKE, and that's FUCK ALL USE!"