Thursday, 13 August 2009


MURPHY GETS READY TO GIVE P.M. A BLOWJOB, (metaphorically speaking)

Scottish Secretary, Jim Murphy was told yesterday by the UK BORDERS AGENCY, that he had "AS MUCH INFLUENCE AS A FLY ON A SHITE".

MURPHY had tried to get visas for 65 PAKISTANI PIPERS FROM LAHORE, who were to have competed in the WORLD PIPE-BAND CHAMPIONSHIP in Glasgow this weekend. A visit to discuss Business by some leaders from Lahore was also cancelled. This might have brought some much needed jobs to Glasgow.

A spokesman for the agency said", Who does this MURPHY think he is? These people may have been carrying bombs in their BAGPIPES! We have to be vigilante you know, we can't let every Tom, Dick and Paki in to the country. We don't mind a few white ones from ALBANIA but we're not too keen when they're BROWN.

As this is a RESERVED MATTER FOR WESTMINSTER, the SNP GOVERNMENT in Scotland were unable to help with this INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT. A spokesman was quoted as saying, " The whole thing is FUCKING RIDICULOUS.

MURPHY is as much use AS A ASHTRAY ON A MOTORBIKE, and that's FUCK ALL USE!"


Great Big Billygoat Gruff said...

OK I give in, keys, why is you calendar on your home page always a day ahead?

Is this an IQ test and I have failed.

Don't be reticent, I a used to failing and am no longer ashamed.

scunnert said...

Our man in Westminster fails to get the message - stay there - don't come back.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Billy. I am afraid you are living in a parallel existence. According to my CALENDER which I keep by my side on the wall of my office, this is Thurs the 13th. Although it is a 'Viz' calender I know this to be so because Monday the 10th was my Birthday. Also, the time on the bottom right of my PC says 17.17 which in turn agrees with my Rolex which cost £2350 and better not be fucking wrong.

Howevr this is something that has got to be investigated further and in fairness to your sanity, I promise to look into it.

Great Big Billygoat Gruff said...

Somehow my Windows XP has been set to a day early.

This is weird as I have just synced to MS and have it programmed to connect to the atomic clock regularly.

I'm going nuts, at least the sky is blue in the World.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Billy, Thank fuck, I thought it was me for a minute.