Where has Prime Minister, GORDON BROWN, been over the last few days?
Dark Lochnagar can exclusively reveal that old one blue eye has been in the recording studios!
But he won't be recording any songs. Instead, the 58-year-old has revealed bizarre plans to lend his distinctive gravel voice to motorists' sat-nav systems.
Brown, who has bankrupted more than 70 million companies, claims to have been approached by two motor manufacturers to record their GPS directions.
Speaking on his Sunday BBC radio show, BROWN said: 'I am talking to a couple of car companies about being the voice of their GPS system. 'I think it would be good if you are looking for directions and hear my voice saying something like: You have the choice between Tory cuts or Labour investment. He added: 'I probably shouldn't do it because whichever way I go I always end up at one place - Lonely Avenue.'
Brown has tried to influence politicians from Angela Merkel to Nikerless Sarkozy and has had a go at all the G20 leaders. Fortunately for them no-one listened and their economies are now doing fine, thanks, whilst ours is still fucked.
Other celebrity voices already available as satnav commentaries include a bossy John Cleese, a husky Kim Cattrall, Homer Simpson, Mr T, the character from 1980s TV series The A-Team and ALISTAIR DARLING.