WHY DO WE NEVER SPEAK ILL OF THE DEAD?

Spectators who witnessed the human cannonball tragedy that left a young man dead asked for their money back after the rest of the show was cancelled, it has emerged.  Matt Cranch, 24, who had been a stuntman for only a week, hit the ground head first as the net meant to break his fall collapsed.  They revealed that some demanded a refund of their £12 admission fee when the rest of the show at the Kent County showground, near Maidstone, was cancelled.

As friends paid tribute to the young stuntman, some of those who watched the tragedy unfold told of their disgust at the behaviour of others in the audience.

I think two things are important here.  To start with,  who were the arseholes who wanted their money back?  Why were they not charged an extra tenner because some,( FAT ), bastard, firstly managed to squeeze into a cannon and secondly managed to kill himself?  Is that not worth a wee bit extra?  I don't know the chappie and he was probably a great guy.

But the main point is, why do we never speak ill of the dead?  They're always happy, smiling kids or really nice adults who do a lot of charity work.  I would hope that when I go, if it is reported at all, then it will be to say that I was a CRABBIT ARSEHOLE!

MILLIONAIRESS FALLS FOR CONMAN IAIN GRAY!

A wealthy heiress today described how she handed over £6.2 million to a gigolo later accused of blackmailing her, 'out of love' for him.  Susanne Klatten, 48, was speaking for the first time of the sensational blackmail plot, as the man accused of masterminding the bid went on trial in  court.

Married mother of three Ms Klatten, who is said to be worth more than £6 billion through holdings in car giants BMW and chemical firm Altana, fell for conman IAIN GRAY, 46, after meeting him in a luxury hotel.

Fortunately the people of SCOTLAND, WON'T BE SO FUCKING STUPID!

LIGHT BLOGGING.

It will no doubt come as a relief to many of you, but as from Sunday, I will be here:

UPDATE:  IF FORGOT TO SAY.  ENJOY THE WEDDING. I'LL BE IN FRANCE HAVING LUNCH WITH A NICE GLASS OF RED WHEN THE HAPPY COUPLE ARE WALKING DOWN THE AISLE!

It is in Spain and we will be driving there, starting tomorrow, so blogging will be a little light until I get some WiFi coverage.  I will be away for SIX WEEKS.  I know, I'm a bastard, but it's our first holiday in 4 years and we have had one or two challenges recently as some of you know, so please don't expect my usual daily dose of shite.

EL PRESIDENTE SALMONDO WILL WIPE THE SMILE OF YOUR BULLINGDON TOFF'S FACE, CAMERON!

TWO PEAS IN A POD

I can see you smiling, "fuck off DL", I hear you say, " Gray and Cameron, two peas in a pod"!


Yes, the North British Leader of a political party and the South Britain Leader of a very similar party with more or less the same policy, FUCK SCOTLAND!  In order to do this, they are trying to slag the only Scottish party in the election, the SNP and  particularly in Gray's case, trying to take away the RIGHT OF THE SCOTTISH PEOPLE to have a vote for their own future.  Yes, the Scottish People are too fucking stupid to vote for themselves and he may be right.  After 60 years of being kicked in the teeth by Labour, the  people of Scotland seem to vote for them again and again.  Except in the election which is becoming increasingly important to the people of Scotland, for HOLYROOD.  So the two Unionist puppet-masters think they'll turn their attention to the leader of the SNP, Alex Salmond as they can't beat them in a policy trade off. 

The BULLINGDON TOFF  mocked the Scottish First Minister calling him "El Presidente Salmondo" and suggested Mr Salmond was conducting a presidential style election.

He told the Scottish Mail on Sunday: "This is not a presidential system. Last time I looked it was a parliamentary system and El Presidente Salmondo needs to think again."

Let's hope that by putting the people of Scotland first, 'El Presidente' wipes the smiles off these arrogant fuckers' faces! 

WELCOME TO MY 100TH FOLLOWER!

Welcome to my 100th follower, I will try and be good.  I don't know who you are but I suspect you may be Danish!

ISN'T IT TIME THAT TIRED OLD TWAT BROWN RESIGNED HIS SEAT?

The former Labour Prime Minister is being paid an average of £50,000 per speech, his latest entry in the Commons' register of interest reveals.  Isn't it time he resigned as an  MP and went and did other things?

He once said he'd like to work in a charity shop.  Couldn't McDonalds offer him a job cooking the fries or something?  Or maybe someone could get him a cleaners job in an office, somewhere where he wouldn't have too much responsibility?  Or if it's true he's being headhunted why don't we send him to Papua New Guinea?  They appreciate a man's head there.

A WEE DITTY FOR ELMER GRAYFUDD'S RELAUNCH!

LATEST YOUGOV POLL SHOWS SNP GOING FROM STRENGTH TO STRENGTH

The Scottish National Party welcomed the YouGov opinion poll in today’s Scotland on Sunday newspaper, which shows the SNP building a lead over Labour in the Scottish Parliament election campaign – with a 5 per cent swing to the SNP from Labour since last weekend’s YouGov poll in Scotland on Sunday.

These are the SNP's best-ever ratings in a YouGov poll - both in the constituency and list votes.

SNP Depute Leader and Deputy First Minister Nicola Sturgeon said:
"This is an excellent poll, and confirms that support is continuing to build for the SNP's record, team and vision for Scotland. More and more people are moving to the SNP - many for the first time - because they
want to re-elect the Scottish Government and Alex Salmond for First Minister.
"The stronger the SNP vote, the more progress can be achieved for Scotland
"This election is about Scotland, and we are working hard for jobs, opportunity and fairness. We are taking absolutely nothing for granted, and have lifted our campaign to a new level of activity this weekend, as
our candidates and supporters communicate the SNP's positive message to people the length and breadth of Scotland."

The YouGov poll for Scotland on Sunday was sampled from 19-21 April among
1,332 adults.


The results are (changes from last weekend’s YouGov/SoS poll, sampled
from 13-15 April, in brackets):


Constituency
SNP: 45% (+5)
Lab: 32% (-5)
Con: 10% (-1)
Lib: 8% (n/c)


List
SNP: 39% (+4)
Lab: 29% (-4)
Con: 12% (n/c)
Lib: 7% (n/c)
Gre: 7% (+1)


Seats projection:
SNP: 61 (+6)
Lab: 42 (-7)
Con: 11 (-3)
Gre: 8 (+3)
Lib: 7 (+1)

WHY DOES THE U.S. THINK IT CAN WAGE WAR ON THE WORLD IN THE NAME OF TERRORISM?

An American drone attack has left 25 dead in a Pakistan area which borders Afghanistan.  This is one of many such attacks in recent weeks.

An American spokesman said:

 'It's the responsibility of the U.S. government to protect Americans, and counter terrorism operations in Pakistan protect the Pakistanis, too. If the Pakistanis won't themselves take action against terrorists, then others should.'

Does anyone else find that statement chilling?  America seems to think that in the name of terrorism they can wage war anywhere in the world, killing foreigners with impunity.  There's no doubt that 9/11 came as a big shock to most Americans, whether you accept the conspiracy theories or not and I have always been one for the 'no smoke without fire' option.  America however, no longer seems to have any regard for international law.  Is this a consequence of being the 'world's policeman'?  Has the playground bully got to big for it's boots?


Most people who read and write blogs such as this, would accept the theory that the terrorism crackdown is just a means of Governments controlling their own citizens.  The school bully is due to get it's arse kicked both economically and militarily by China in the coming decades, so maybe it's time it started playing by everyone else's rules, so that when the time comes for the handover of power to China, it can insist they follow the same rules.

IS SPITTING STILL SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE?

A YOUNG FOOTBALLER GETS READY TO LET A 'GOB' GO!

I've got an admission to make.  When I was in my late twenties, I could spit for Scotland, or 'gob' as I'm told the modern parlance is.


I was reading a thing the other night on spitting, I can't remember where but it got me thinking about whether it's a socially acceptable phenomenon.  Obviously sports 'stars', footballers in particular are keen on it, unless it's directed at one another, then it's an excuse for a sending off or 'handbags at six paces'.  You very rarely see rugby players spitting, unless they're spitting out blood or teeth.  Maybe it's a working class thing?


What about spitting in the street?  Could that create infection?  With TB on the rise again, is it a health hazard?  Seemingly not, as the effect of sunshine kills the virus.  There used to be spittoons in the street and in Public Bars.  But I suppose with the demise of men only bars, a woman doesn't want to see her date coughing up a thicky and gobbing it into the spittoon with a ding, like an old cowboy film.  I remember a mate of mine telling me that just after he got in one of the new fangled, living flame electric fires with the red lights and the imaginary coals, his old uncle visited from up the North of Scotland.  His uncle was in the habit of sitting at the fireside and spitting into his fire and this new, electric fire was so authentic that he thought it was real.  Every time he spat into it, my friend sitting across from him, had to make a hissing noise as if the spittle was hitting hot coals.  He told me that about 20 years ago and it still cracks me up.  But, you have to know my mate!


So what do you think?  Ban it or not?  As someone who is fairly Libertarian in outlook, I would say no.  There are too many things banned already.  Find a woman who either doesn't mind you spitting or likes a good gob herself.  I remember teaching my recently deceased Mother-in-Law who was quite ladylike, how to spit from the balcony of an apartment I had in Spain, one night when she was half pissed and she was brilliant at it!

NEW BOOK REVEALS HOW ISRAEL ARMED THE ARGIES DURING THE FALKLANDS WAR

COUNT YOUR RINGS, MAGGIE!

Israel secretly provided arms and supplies to Argentina during the Falklands conflict, according to revelations in a new book. Israeli Prime Minister Menachem Begin had such a deep-rooted hatred of the British that the Jewish state covertly became the biggest supplier of military equipment to the Argentine military junta.

Gas masks, radar alert systems, air-to-air missiles and fuel tanks for fighter bombers were sent from Tel Aviv to arm General Galtieri’s forces. The most audacious deal involved supplying 23 French-built fighter aircraft – Mirage IIICs – which were camouflaged with the insignia of Peru.

My views on Israel and people who follow the Jewish religion has been well documented on this blog, so it doesn't really surprise me, that Zionist bankers were financing the UK Treasury whilst at the same time they were supplying arms to the Argies. Why am I not surprised?  Because it is happening all over the world at the current time.  In every country where there is armed conflict, you will find a Jewish banker financing it.

Look at Libya.  Where are the 'rebels' getting their arms or the money for arms.  Why from Jewish Bankers with promises of oil concessions.  They've been arming Gaddafi for years.  Arm both sides and sit back and watch the money rolling in.  That's the Jewish business plan! 

BRITAIN AND THE US WERE CARVING UP IRAQ'S OIL 5 MONTHS BEFORE INVASION

Tony Blair’s government discussed plans with British firms to exploit oil opportunities in ‘post Saddam Iraq’ five months before joining the invasion of the country.

Secret papers reveal that then international trade minister Baroness Symons told energy firms back in November 2002 that they should be given a share of the country’s huge oil reserves.

The Labour peer also lobbied the Bush administration on BP’s behalf amid fears the firm was being locked out of lucrative deals it believed the U.S. was striking with other countries.

The revelations, in minutes of meetings between oil executives and the Labour government in late 2002, appear to be at odds with their insistence Iraq’s vast oil reserves were not a consideration ahead of the March 2003 invasion.

I don't have a problem with the oil being carved up.  After all we need oil and if the US were going to invade and British Troops were illegally involved, tell us.  Don't give us some shite that 99% of the stupid fuckers out there who watch crap coming out of the box in the corner believe, giving them the chance to start the post 9/11 security clampdown!

WMD, aye that'll be fucking right.  That's why we need a Scottish Parliament with Scottish politicians who can't get too far above the people, like in all small countries, of which Iceland is shining example.  Let's hope the SNP get in and take us down the road to independence.  Sooner or later, the English, will get fed up with us meddling in English affairs and tell us to gettaefu, (ya basa)!

SMOKING TO BE BANNED WITHIN 100YDS OF ROADS AFTER M1 FIRE!

A single cigarette tossed from an open car window may have started the inferno that shut the M1, causing travel mayhem and costing the economy millions.

Much of the motorway was still closed yesterday as the Highways Agency came under renewed attack for not repairing the damage more quickly.  The full six lanes will not reopen before the end of next week, meaning thousands of families will face Easter travel chaos.

Click to enlarge

The Government has been forced to bring in EMERGENCY LEGISLATION, banning smoking anywhere within 100 Yards of a road.  This along with new EU legislation banning smoking in cars where there are non-smoking passengers, has fueled the purchase of 4X4s, which are able to drive up the sides of high mountains in Scotland and Wales, above the tree line, where the owners are able to smoke with impunity.  It is thought that the Scottish and Welsh Parliaments will be bringing in legislation taxing 'ALTITUDE SMOKING', as soon as they reconvene after the Election.
Scottish Labour Leader @ElmerGrayFudd told D.L., "we see this as one of the planks of our election.  People have been saying that I am as thick as that plank, but that's all a matter of opinion and not unsurprisingly, I don't agree.  But, then I couldn't possibly comment"!

HUNGARY TO GIVE VOTES TO YOUNG CHILDREN!

Jozsef Szajer, a senior official from the ruling conservative Fidesz party, explained that 20 per cent of Hungary's population are children and that "the interests of future generations are not represented in decision making". 

Mr Szajer said the law would give "mothers the vote on behalf of a maximum of one child".


FUCK ME!  Let's hope Scottish Labour doesn't get to hear about this or they'll manage to rustle up some votes out of thin air like they do with Postal Votes.  I've given my vote to a PROXY because I'm not going to be here on May 5.  If he can't vote or as has happened before, someone has voted for the proxy beforehand, there will be a right, rammy!

 

SNP SWEEP INTO POLL LEAD FOR THE FIRST TIME.

The Snp have swept into the lead in the latest YouGov Poll.  The figures are: (changes from last month's YouGov/Scotsman poll, sampled
from 25-28 March, in brackets):

CONSTITUENCY VOTE
SNP: 40% (n/c)
Lab: 37% (-2)
Con: 11% (n/c)
Lib Dem: 8% (+3)
Other: 4%

REGIONAL LIST VOTE
SNP: 35% (+3)
Lab: 33% (-6)
Con: 12% (n/c)
Lib Dem: 7% (+2)
Green: 6%
Other: 7%

SCOTTISH PARLIAMENT SEATS PROJECTION
SNP: 55
Lab: 49
Con: 14
Lib Dem: 6
Green: 5

BEST FIRST MINISTER
Alex Salmond: 52% (+4)
Iain Gray: 27% (-6)

CHOICE BETWEEN SNP AND LABOUR TO HEAD NEXT SCOTTISH GOVERNMENT
SNP: 47% (+3)
Lab: 39% (-3)
Don't Know: 14% (+1)


The momentum obviously is with the SNP, with Labour's cynical attempt to bring up Miliband and various other English Labour politicians from England to bolster their campaign back firing.

THE PUB IS NOT THE PLACE FOR GAY SNOGGING

The two homosexuals who were snogging in the John Snow Pub

So what do you make of all this 'GAY SNOGGING SHITE'?


I don't think the pub is the place for snogging, but if I was sitting enjoying a pint, the sight of two men snogging would offend me as would the sight of two women snogging.  We're not talking here about a wee peck, but a full blown snog.  If I saw a man and a woman engaged in a full blown snog, my reaction would be, 'FFS, get a grip'!  However, call me homophobic if you want and I probably am, but I don't want to see two homosexuals engaged in a sexual activity.  This is why heterosexuals get agitated with gays, it's because they always feel, like the two recently suing the B&B couple, that they have to push their homosexual activity on to people who are not.


I appreciate that there are people who have a preference for people of the same sex, although I find it strange, I just don't it shoved in my face, (if you take my meaning)!

HAGUE IS NOT A BENDER SAYS HILARY AS HE PUCKERS UP!

"Willie is not a bender", states Secretary of State, Hilary Clinton, as William Hague gives her a puck.


Mind you, the chances of Hilary having a clatter of balls is quite high.

SCOTTISH LABOUR LEADER SEEN HOLDING HANDS WITH A RENT BOY IN GLASGOW!

PICKLES WORRIES ABOUT GYPOS INVADING HIS LOCAL PUB!

Gipsies could take advantage of the extended Royal Wedding bank holiday weekend to set up illegal camps while council officials are enjoying the vacation, Eric Pickles, the Communities Secretary, has warned. 


He is also concerned that the sneaky bastards will invade his local pub on Easter Monday and make him wait for his Ploughman's lunch, while getting pissed on cheap cider.  "These wankers just move in and before you know where you are the bastards are away with the best of the Cheddar.  All you're left with is some stinking French muck, which is an anathema for a Yorkshireman like myself.  The bastards shouldn't be allowed into the country", the corpulent trougher said.  When told, that the Gypos had actually been born here, a now drunk Pickles told reporters, that he blamed Gordon Brown and his nephew @ElmerGrayFudd, now the leader of Labour in Scotland.

SCOTTISH LABOUR GET A CURE FOR HOMELESSNESS FROM THE US

MUSLIM HATE CLERIC WIPES HIS ARSE WITH PAGES FROM THE BIBLE!

Police have arrested Muslim hate Cleric, Mohhamed Iqrabain El-Hadji, after he was videoed wiping his arse with pages of the bible.

Police in Leicester, say the Muslim hate cleric was seen to shout "Allah Qraqbar", (God Defecates), before squatting in the street and taking a crap.  The vile Mullah then tore up a large bible and proceeded to wipe his big, brown arse shouting, "Allah Aaahbah", meaning "God tears my arse", as unfortunately in his excitement he had used his right hand instead of his left which has a very sharp hook on it.

Police are hoping to interview El-Hadji, who is currently in Leicester General Hospital as soon as they can make sense of what he is saying, over the moans.

BROWN THE ONE-EYED HALFWIT, FINALLY ADMITS RESPONSIBILITY FOR FINANCIAL CRISIS!

 

In his first clear admission of some responsibility for the financial crisis, the former prime minister claimed he had not understood how “entangled” the world’s financial institutions had become.

They come as the Treasury prepares to receive a review into how Britain’s banks should operate in the future. The Independent Commission on Banking (ICB), led by Sir John Vickers, is expected to recommend significant reforms to make it less likely that banks take unnecessary risks and to encourage greater competition

The sad Twat said: “We set up the FSA believing the problem would come from the failure of an individual institution. That was the big mistake. We didn’t understand just how entangled things were.”

He added “I have to accept my responsibility.” 

At last!  Ed Miliband must be delighted now that he can move on.  The trouble is that Labour should not be back in power until he is a very old man.  I actually think the coalition, (short of my ideal of Scottish independence), is doing not too badly from the point of view that the LibDums are taking the edge off the Tories most radical plans and what is left is certainly less big business and more people orientated.  Which of course, is what it should be, unless they are, as we all suspect,  being played by big business and the banks, the banks being, you know who, those people I get into a row for mentioning too often, not that, that, will stop me.

What Elmer GrayFudd will make of his Uncle Gordon being the useless fucker we all knew he was, is anyone's guess!