SUNDAY SPORTS REPORT-FOOTBALL TEAM SHOW THEIR ASS-ETS!

 

Centre Jessica Renee (R) trains with her Lingerie Football League team, the Los Angeles Temptation, at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum. The Temptations will play the San Diego Seduction at the stadium on January 29.  In the British semi-final the Single Mother Leg Openers will play the Fuck the Kids Give me Another Alcopops at the Miners' Social Club, Burnley. 

CHERIE BLAIR-"TONY'S LIKE CHURCHILL".

The wife of former prime minister Tony Blair has compared her husband to British WWII leader Winston Churchill.
Cherie Blair told Vanity Fair magazine that her partner would be judged "very well" by history and be "up there with Churchill".

I would say that most of us Cherie would prefer to compare him to Italian wartime leader MUSSOLINI.

STRUNG UP BY HIS NECK SWINGING FROM A FUCKING LAMPOST!

TAXI DRIVERS-ARE YOU BLIND? DOWNLOAD YOUR APPLICATION IN BRAILLE!

If you happen to be a BLIND TAXI DRIVER then Portsmouth is the place to work.

All taxi drivers have to fill in a TAXI DRIVERS APPLICATION FORM but a note on the Portsmouth City Council website says the documents can be downloaded in large print, Braille or audio.  A spokesman for Portsmouth City Council explained, "We are an EQUAL OPPORTUNITIES COUNCIL and as such we encourage people with disabilities to participate in the life of the city.  TAXI PASSENGERS don't find too much trouble getting to their destination as long as they tell the driver when to turn either right or left".

The head of Police Traffic Operations for Portsmouth, D.I. Burke, told Dark Lochnagar, " As a whole we don't find that the BLIND TAXI DRIVERS have any more accidents than say, ordinary women drivers.  Most of them are MASONS anyway, so that's all right then".

Portsmouth City Council are currently advertising for a HEAD OF WASTE DISPOSAL at £120k per year who must be able to show a minimum of two years public abuse whilst working as a council binman.

THE SCOTTISH UNIONIST PRESS-AN EXAMPLE OF WHY WE 'NATS' GRIPE

Sometimes I know you English guys wonder what it is we 'Nats' gripe about when we complain about the Unionist Press in Scotland.  I would like to give you a wee example from a story that is in today's London Times.

'An image of the Flame Nebula that has given astronomers their most vivid picture of the star formation was offered up by the Scottish government yesterday as proof of the world-leading role maintained by the country’s scientists and researchers.

The photograph was taken by the Vista telescope at the European Southern Observatory, using technology designed and built at the UK Astronomy Technology Centre in Edinburgh. “In every area of science Scotland outperforms the world average; our performance is truly stunning for a nation of only five million people,”Scottish scientist Professor Glover said. “This is a country full of potential for those in science, engineering and technology.”  The 120-page document showed that in sciences as diverse as medicine, agriculture and biology, Scotland has achieved 1.8 per cent of the world’s academic citations, from a population share of less than 0.1 per cent'.

Now you would think that this was a very encouraging story for a small nation in these worrying times and you can read more of it here, if you want.  But as far as I can see not one of the SCOTTISH 'QUALITY NEWSPAPERS' or the shite that are laughingly called TABLOID 'NEWSPAPERS' have reported from this scientific conference.

Instead our SCOTTISH PRESS WANT TO TALK DOWN SCOTLAND!  An example of their ANTI-SNP rhetoric can be found in the 'Scotsman', who report the SNP's Deputy Leader, Nicola Sturgeon's forthcoming marriage with the headline, 'Nicola Sturgeon says-I'm turning my back on independence', not 'Nicola Sturgeon announces wedding' or even 'Sturgeon to wed'.  It may not seem much, but it is invidious, we see it day after day.


I wish that some of the JOURNALISM IN THE SCOTTISH MSM was as reputable as found in the Blogosphere and look forward to the day I can look at a SCOTTISH PAPER on my PC, (because I wouldn't buy one except to stick in the bog for arse wiping), without READING ANTI SCOTTISH AND SNP RANTS from JOURNOS who get most of their copy from BLOGS and seem to be incapable of writing an original piece that's not influenced by their EDITOR'S or the PAPER'S OWNER'S PREJUDICES.

JOHN TERRY-WHAT A FUDD!

£12 MILLION A YEAR AND HE CAN'T KEEP HIS COCK IN HIS TROUSERS.

DEARIE ME!

I SHEIK NAGAR SAY-COME JOIN SCOTTISH TALIBAN!

ME AND SOME OF THE GUYS HAVE JOLLY BOYS DAY OUT

So you ENGLISH PIGDOGS you want to join SCOTTISH TALIBAN!  I Sheik Nagar say all very welcome.

We only got to tell nice Mr Karzai that we TALIBAN FIGHTERS, he tell Mr Brown in London and they give us $ millions so we can start poppy field and sell HEROIN to infidel children.

At weekend we can go plant bomb and make SUICIDE BOMBERS to blow up INFIDEL SOLDIER, specially BRITISH ones.  They NO CAN AFFORD HELICOPTER, HA! HA!  Maybe we buy HELICOPTER for TALIBAN FIGHTER WITH BROWN MONEY and we spit on ENGLISH PIG DOG FROM BIG HIGH.  Or maybe we MAKE PISHY OUT OF HELICOPTER.

They want to go, leave AFGHANISTAN in five year, but they very silly.  We no stop fighting INFIDELS, it's what we do.  ENGLISH ones they pay YOU TO DO IT!  Mr Karzai, him go SWITZERLAND SOON TO COUNT MONEY in secret bank account, but me SHEIK NAGAR soon have one as big, thanks to BRITISH PEOPLE who they have 2million pensioner starving, yet SHEIK BROWN, HE GIVE ALL MONEY TO US. 

HIM VERY NICE, STUPID MAN!

SOMALIAN PIRATES GIVEN FOOD AND WATER AND SENT ON THEIR WAY BY ROYAL NAVY

YES SIR, WE GAVE THEM FOOD AND WATER AND THEN GUESS WHAT,THEY FUCKED OFF WITH THE SHIP!

Suspected Somali pirates captured by the Royal Navy are being given fuel, food and water and sent on their way.  In three cases they were released even though hostages had been found on board their vessels.


The extraordinary revelations yesterday by Defence Minister Baroness Taylor will add to concern about the role of the Navy in tackling piracy.  In November it emerged that a Navy ship had stood by as pirates kidnapped British sailors Paul and Rachel Chandler. They are still being held and threatened with death by their captors.  Baroness Taylor said there had been four instances in the last year when heavily armed gangs operating off Somalia had been given supplies on humanitarian grounds. None of the 66 suspects captured by the Navy in the last year have been taken into custody.

One former Navy commander said the Navy appeared to be operating a 'maritime welfare system' rather than enforcing law on the high seas.

You want to end PIRACY?  You BLOW THE BASTARDS OUT OF THE WATER and then fling them ONE LIFE-RING per five pirates on HUMANITARIAN GROUNDS.  Do that once or twice and the PROBLEM WILL BE SOLVED! 

MAN IS EXPECTING HIS HUSBAND'S BABY!

A transgender couple have revealed they are expecting their first baby in a month’s time.


Scott Moore - thought to be only the second ‘pregnant man’ to go public - is due to give birth to a boy in February, with husband Thomas by his side.  The couple were both born girls and have undergone surgery to transform their sex.  Scott, 30, who is legally married to Thomas because he still has a female birth certificate, says he is eagerly looking forward to giving birth.


Scott, who started out in life as a girl named Jessica, first realised he wanted to be a man when he hit puberty aged 11.  His parents paid £4,600 for Scott to have his 36DDD chest removed. However, he could not afford the gender surgery, so still has female organs.  Thomas, who used to be called Laura, had a hysterectomy and gender reassignment surgery last year.

I pass no comment apart from to say,  HOW FUCKING WEIRD IS THAT!

SHOULD THIS MAN HAVE BEEN JAILED?

LEE ELLERTON WITH ONE OF THE DOGS WHO DIED

A security firm worker who allowed a dog to die of heatstroke in a van has been jailed for three months, the RSPCA said yesterday.



Lee Ellerton, 37, was also banned from keeping all animals for life after being found guilty at Stoke-on-Trent Magistrates' Court of six charges under the Animal Welfare Act.  The RSPCA said the sentence handed down to Ellerton, of Burslem, Staffordshire, should send out a message that such offences were unacceptable.

I don't think it is right to sentence this man for three months.  I don't know and the article doesn't tell you how this happened but going by the photo, he has tried to revive it.  I've had dogs, cats and other pets all my life.  I love the companionship you get from domesticated animals and if someone harmed one of mine on purpose, they would wish they hadn't, pretty sharpish.  In our British society, unlike the continent, pets are often reveered and treated better than children, and THAT JUST ISN'T RIGHT.  Animals however are just that, animals and we shouldn't be locking up people for what I believe was probably an honest mistake.

THREE MONTHS for the 'homicide' of two dogs, when people are getting COMMUNITY SERVICE for viciously mugging GRANNIES?  It doesn't matter how strong a lobby the RSPCA is, we've got punishment in our society wrong.

SHOVE YOUR BURNS SUPPER UP YOUR ARSE

Whilst we in Scotland celebrate Burns Night by getting pished, maudlin (Scots word for recounting sad occasions, sort of) and eating an admittedly delicious mixture of OFFAL WRAPPED IN A SHEEP'S STOMACH, in AUSTRALIA where they have just celebrated AUSTRALIA DAY, they mark the day by having young women dressed in bikinis, WRESTLE IN VEGEMITE.  ( Rather than MARMITE in case there are any VEGETARIANS present ), ( No Harriet Harmans there then! ).

I wonder if Alex Salmond could persuade ANNABEL GOLDIE and JACKIE BAILLIE to wrestle NAKED IN A VAT OF COLD PORRIDGE to mark ST. ANDREW'S DAY.

NO, MAYBE NOT THEN!

NOW YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADVERTISE FOR 'RELIABLE' WORKERS!

Recruitment boss Nicole Mamo, 48, tried to post an advert for a £5.80-an-hour domestic cleaner on her local Jobcentre Plus website.

She ended the job offer by saying that any applicants for the post 'must be very reliable and hard-working'.  But when Ms Mamo called the Jobcentre Plus in Thetford, Norfolk, the following day she was told that her advert would not be displayed.  The job centre in Thetford, Norfolk, said she could not include the phrase 'reliable and hard working' in her advert


A Jobcentre Plus worker claimed that the word 'reliable' meant they could be sued for discriminating against unreliable workers.

HUMAN RIGHTS LEGISLATION-DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IT!

AUSTRALIAN? ARE YOU DESCENDED FROM A CONVICT?

The dark details of their family histories are to be revealed to thousands of Australians this week following the release of details of the convicts Britain sent to the new colony more than 200 years ago.

The British government has released the details to coincide with Australia Day today, allowing individuals to search through an online data base to check if they are descended from criminals.  Many convicts were transported for crimes like, picking their nose in public, scratching their own or someone else's arsehole if it got itchy or sitting on the couch with their hand down their 'doublet' rubbing their knob.

Still they got their revenge 300 years or so later for us sending them convicts by sending us, Foster's Lager, Mel Gibson, Edna Everidge and half the barmen in London.  Oh, and that BEARDY TWAT with the DIDGERIDOO.

BRITISH TROOPS TO BE IN AFGHANISTAN FOR AT LEAST FIVE YEARS

British troops will have to fight the Taleban for another five years, according to a leaked draft of the communiqué that will conclude the London conference on Afghanistan this week.  Participating governments are also expected to agree to bribes totalling hundreds of millions of pounds which will be paid to leading insurgents in the hope that they will stop fighting.

I understand that we are in Afghanistan as a first line of defense against MUSLIM EXTREMISTS.  But it seems to me that we and the Americans are participating more than other countries.

We spent £35 BILLION on defense every year.  That is nearly £700 for every man, woman and child in the UK.  Now the LABOUR AND TORY parties want to spend a further capital cost of £70BILLION on a new trident system, which we can't build without American parts and we can't fire in unless the American President gives us permission.  Is it only me that FINDS THAT A BIT PROFLIGATE?

Going back to Afghanistan, what happened to the EU army we heard so much about?  Where are the other NATO troops, like the ones from Germany who can't fight at night or the Italians who don't think those 'CAMOFLAGE FATIGUES' are suited to the Italian Male's style?  How much are the oil rich states like Saudi Arabia and the U.A.E. chipping in to the fund.  I'll bet you'll find it won't be a lot.

  WHY DOES THE GOVERNMENT OF THIS COUNTRY ACT ON THE WORLD STAGE AS IF WE STILL MATTER?

A GUEST POST FROM BUGGER THE PANDA

This is not a trick question but, do you think David Cameron actually said these words? Of course he didn’t. “Call me Dave” didn’t say these words because Dave could not have possibly said them; he is a politician, and needs our votes and he is sooooo politically correct. 

Not that it matters really if Scots give him their votes because, unless he is caught goosing the Queen’s corgis, he is a dead cert. to be the United Kingdom’s next Prime Minister, whether anybody in Scotland votes for him and his party or not. He just doesn’t need us, well not our votes anyway. Thatcher had the same gift, power to rule from without but no mandate to rule from within. She carried on regardless and memorably said “We English, who are a marvellous people, are really very generous to Scotland.'”

The question is not what Dave says, because as far as I can make out, he actually says substantially not a lot but, what does he think.

Dave’s policy is simple, the Tony Blair strategy and the one refined by Barak Obama; speak often but say nowt, at least nowt of substance that can be dissected by detractors or opponents. Dave hasn’t quite mastered the Obama slickness that led him to the Presidency by the utterance of one word, “believe.” Dave hasn’t found that word yet but, believe you me he is trying.

In Westminster Dave sits directly opposite, day in day out, the former Chancellor and unelected Prime Minister who will rank as the worst to hold either office this side of the Great Flood, the biblical one, not the one last year in Northumberland. Dave is facing an open goal but seems congenitally incapable of scoring. In a lighter mood elsewhere I have posted that Dave couldn’t score in a Bordello but never having met the chap in the zoos I frequent, how could I possibly know? How could anybody know anything real about Dave? Even his famous bike runs from home to Westminster were publicity stunts. Dave is a construct of David.

Dave’s policy just seems to be pussyfoot about and wait for the crown to fall into his hands. Speak no evil, speak no policies just, don’t rock the boat.

He is as centrist as Gordon Brown, no Stalinist but maybe pretty close, without Gordon’s gulags. Everything is decided from his tight circle of friends most of whom are public school educated, although not all at Eton like Dave.

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2009/12/07/school-s-out-for-cam-and-his-cabinet-115875-21878916/

Of the thirty-one members of Dave’s cabinet eighteen went to English public schools although you will not find that on the Conservative Party’s website as, all reference to their education has now been airbrushed away. A further three went to “state” Roman Catholic schools in Scotland which, I would wager, are run by religious orders and selective so, they are not the local bog standard schools either.

Of this thirty-one, twelve studied at Oxford and seven at Cambridge. That makes it by my reckoning 60% of his cabinet are Oxbridgers.

More tellingly, a piece by Rachael Sylvester in The Times in July last year lifts the lid on Dave’s real cabinet, his sofa and dinner table one.

Dave has a Notting Hill (WC11) clique of friends which is his sounding board, his finger on our national pulse.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/rachel_sylvester/article6729595.ece

Many commentators in the English MSM, journalists and posters rail at the Scottish Mafia running the Westminster Political Circus, Blair, Brown, Reid, Darling, the Campbells even Cameron because of his surname. Dave has his Notting Hill Storm Troopers to keep him didactically pure. Well I suppose that is the West of Scotland votes covered for the Tories then?

So would Dave have actually called the Scots “Porridge Wogs?” Of course he would not but, would he have thought it? I don’t know and couldn’t even guess because, Dave doesn’t so out-loud thinking. Porridge Wogs, Mongs (as in Mongols) and Sweatys (meaning socks, as in Jocks or even Jock Straps) are in daily use on English Blogs to describe Scots as well as Subsidy Junkies and Deep Fried Mars Bars. Personally this doesn’t bother me too much as I have an acronym of my own to describe them. However, if they tried that tactic in the Press with Blacks, Gypsies, Tinkers or, heaven forbid, Muslims, the full weight of Plod would be felt on their collars cheered on by the PC brigade. Dave would never say such a thing but if someone did it around his dinner table after the Port, would he silently laugh?

If the face on the poster had been Boris I would not have been so sure but, if he had said it I would have laughed it off as just a “Borisism”, a joke made up on the hoof and gone wrong. Boris is refreshingly un PC otherwise known as gaff prone. At least you know where you are with Boris, you know what you are getting, unlike our Dave.

So who is Oor Dave saying this to?

Well, my betting is that he is whispering it into Aunty Annabel’s ear.

With that unedifying thought, I will leave you to splutter your McVitties over the keyboard.

Pass the mind bleach please.

Bugger (the Panda)

KARZAI TO TAKE ON ROAD SIDE BOMBS

AFGHAN TROOPS CELEBRATE LEARNING TO LOAD THEIR RIFLES

President Hamid Karzai has banned a key ingredient in the roadside bombs that have killed hundreds of British, American and NATO soldiers in his country.

The Afghan government  has outlawed the use of ammonium nitrate fertiliser, used by the Taliban in 90 per cent of improvised roadside explosives.  ABOUT TIME TOO!  If he wants to stop roadside bombs why don't he and his CORRUPT GOVERNMENT LIE DOWN ON TOP OF THEM. 

WHAT I THINK OF JIM MURPHY!

Scottish Secretary, Jim Murphy, (the scrotum on the right, sitting next to the most INEPT politician on the planet, Labour Leader Iain Gray) and the SCOTTISH OFFICE, (for dis-information), have been at it again trying to talk down independence by selectively picking figures from the Scottish Budget purporting to show SCOTLAND couldn't stand on it's own two feet.  My feelings for Murphy are summed up by the following quote:

“A nation can survive its fools, and even the ambitious. But it cannot survive treason from within. An enemy at the gates is less formidable, for he is known and carries his banner openly. But the traitor moves amongst those within the gate freely, his sly whispers rustling through all the alleys, heard in the very halls of government itself. For the traitor appears not a traitor; he speaks in accents familiar to his victims, and he wears their face and their arguments, he appeals to the baseness that lies deep in the hearts of all men. He rots the soul of a nation, he works secretly and unknown in the night to undermine the pillars of the city, he infects the body politic so that it can no longer resist. A murderer is less to fear. The traitor is the plague.”

Marcus Tullius Cicero (Ancient Roman Lawyer, Writer, Scholar, Orator and Statesman, 106 BC-43 BC)

One question Mr Murphy.  If England is subsidising us so much, why is she desperate to keep us in the union?  Or is that just NEW LABOUR afraid to lose the seats in the British Parliament?

HARDLINE MUSLIM CLERIC TO VISIT THE U.K.

Yahya Ibrahim, who has described Jews as "monkeys and pigs" and is accused of advocating conflict with the West, is due to speak at the University of Wales Institute, Cardiff (UWIC), next month and at Birmingham University in March.


He is one of at least five extreme Islamists who have been allowed to enter the UK in recent years despite being banned by countries such as the United States or Australia.

WHY IS HE BEING ALLOWED TO ENTER THE U.K.? 

PFI-AN INVESTIGATION OF BRIBERY AND LARGESSE IN GOVERNMENT BY DARK LOCHNAGAR

During the last thirteen years, NEW LABOUR, has grasped the mantle of PFI for 667 hospitals, schools and public buildings in England.  The CAPITAL COST OF THESE BUILDINGS would have been £55Billion but because they have been built by companies who then lease them back to the Government over as long a period as 40 years the true cost will be nearer £262Billion.  Some indeed will cost up to 37 times their capital cost.  Just like putting it on a credit card and only paying the minimum payment each month.

Many MPs who have been in Government or opposition over the last 13 years have also done very nicely out of PFI, arranging nice cushy, well paid jobs with many of the companies they dealt with when THEY WERE MINISTERS AND GAVE OUT CONTRACTS.

Some familiar faces with PFI connections:


Alan Milburn MP
He famously described PFIs as the "only game in town" during a stint as health minister, and is now a director of Diaverum Healthcare – a company that is contracted to run the kidney dialysis unit at the PFI-funded Burnley General Hospital.

Quentin Davies MP
The Defence minister is a former director (he resigned in 2008) of Vinci UK and Vinci SA – firms involved in PFI projects with a total capital value of £223m which will cost £933m over the terms of their contracts.

John Reid MP
The former home secretary is (since November 2009) a paid consultant to G4S UK and Ireland. G4S is involved in PFIs, mainly in prisons, with a total capital value of £330m; they will end up costing £3.6bn.


Steven Norris
Once Conservative Transport minister under John Major, he is now the chairman of Jarvis, a major PFI player which has a number of contracts, worth £721m, with government. The total capital value of PFI programmes funded by Jarvis comes to £175m.

Adam Ingram MP
A defence minister for six years under Tony Blair, he now gets paid more than £50,000 a year as a consultant to Electronic Data Systems – an MoD contractor responsible for the PFI-funded Tafmis IT system which cost £171m over its 10-year contract.

Patricia Hewitt MP
During her tenure as health secretary, BT won IT contracts from the NHS. The former minister is now a director of BT Group and was paid £59,475 for 140 hours' work over the past six months – a rate of £424 an hour.

This is only a few of them.  To my mind this BRIBERY OR LARGESSE, call it what you will, IS WORSE than fiddling a few quid on expenses or flipping homes.  THIS GOES RIGHT TO THE HEART OF THE DEMOCRATIC PROCESS.  MPs should not be allowed second jobs and should not BE ABLE TO TAKE EMPLOYMENT FOR FIVE YEARS AFTER LEAVING A MINISTERIAL POSITION without express permission from a TOTALLY INDEPENDENT TRIBUNAL.

INDIAN HIJACK PLOT NEARLY CAUSES PANIC-ALERT DOWNGRADED

INDIAN TERROR PLOT FOILED



FEARS that Islamist terrorists plan to hijack an Indian passenger jet and crash it into a British city helped to prompt this weekend’s heightened terror alert.

MI5 later learned that the target was BIRMINGHAM and nobody would be able to tell.  The warning has now been downgraded to a couldn't give a shit.

DRONE PLANES TO MONITOR CIVILLIANS IN BRITAIN!

Unmanned drones similar to those used in Afghanistan are set to be used in Britain to spy on drivers, campaigners, agricultural thieves and fly-tippers, it was revealed today.  A group of government agencies led by Kent Police has commissioned arms manufacturer BAE systems to adapt military-style planes for civilian use.

According to a report published in the Guardian, a prototype drone equipped with high-powered cameras and sensors will take to the skies for test flights later this year.  BAE Systems and Kent police reportedly claim that the drones would 'greatly extend' the government's surveillance capacity and 'revolutionise policing.'


Previously, Kent police have said the drone scheme was intended for use over the English Channel to monitor shipping and detect immigrants crossing from France.  However reports suggest their use could be far more widespread - including detecting theft from cash machines, preventing theft of tractors and monitoring antisocial driving.  The consortium also suggested the drones could be used by councils to combat 'fly-posting, fly-tipping, abandoned vehicles, abnormal loads and waste management'.

Five other police forces have signed up to the scheme, which could pave the way for countrywide adoption of the technology for surveillance, monitoring and evidence gathering.

This to my mind is ONE STEP too far, the 'one that broke the camel's back' moment.  We are already the most surveyed country in the world with CCTV cameras watching our every move.  We can be tracked by cameras the moment we leave our drives until we get to our destination.  We can either start the fightback now by joining campaigns like the NO2ID CARDS on this site or sink further into a BIG BROTHER STATE.

WHY DON'T THEY JUST GIVE US AN ID CHIP NOW AND BE DONE WITH IT!

GOOD NEWS FOR LABOUR-McDONALD'S TO CREATE 5000 JOBS IN UK AS PROFITS SOAR!

McDonald's are to create 5,000 jobs in the UK after the nation was singled out as the US fast-food giant's best-performing market. 

Speaking to Dark Lochnagar, McDonald's UK chief executive, Steve Easterbrook, said he expected 400-500 jobs to be created in Scotland this year.  The extra posts would take the total number of workers employed by the group in the UK to 85,000.

So this is what 13 years of NEW LABOUR GOVERNMENT has brought us.  More BIG, FAT KIDS eating cholesterol laden, greasy shite because their LAZY, INCOMPETENT PARENTS can't be bothered making them a proper balanced meal and 85,000 MINIMUM PAID, SHITE JOBS FOR UNEDUCATED THICKOS!

IS IT ANY WONDER I DESPAIR?

BLAIR TO MAKE COMEBACK TO HELP LABOUR AT ELECTION!

TONY Blair is ready for a temporary return to British politics as part of Labour’s election campaign, it emerged yesterday.
The former Prime Minister is said to have indicated he would be willing to play an active part if Gordon Brown wants him to.  Relations between them are believed to have warmed recently.  It follows their long history of rivalry and claims that Mr Blair felt “bruised” by Mr Brown’s handling of the Iraq war inquiry at which the former PM will have to appear.

Can you believe the SHAMELESS AUDACITY of the bastard.  He signed us up to two illegal wars through lying to the House of Commons, made millions working for Jewish firms whilst supposing to be a MIDDLE EAST ENVOY with responsibility for PALESTINE and while he makes all this money, his protection costs the UK £2m per year.

I sincerely hope that the Labour Party take him up on his offer as it will mean them forfeiting the Election.  It will mean I have to take less profit on my Election Bets, but it will still be worth it!

WHY DO WE HATE BANKERS AND NOT TOP FOOTBALLERS?

It seems to me that we have got thing a little biased against BANKERS in the western world, BRITAIN in particular.

OK, we handed out fortunes to SOME banks last year.  Others like Goldman Sachs didn't need bailed out and now we are up in arms over their bonuses which are £300,000 on average.  These bankers have made BILLIONS for their company and are CONTRACTED to get a bonus commensurate with that profit.

Now let's look at FOOTBALL.  John Terry, (pictured), plays with CHELSEA.  Last year he signed a contract which gives him a basic wage of £150,000 per week for 5 years.  That is £39,000,000 for PLAYING FOOTBALL.  Now I don't deny that Terry is a good player.  But he is a defender.  He doesn't score goals that win games.  Remember that is his basic wage.  That doesn't include bonuses, sponsorship, book deals etc.

Has John and his fellow Millionaires brought success to CHELSEA?  Not really.  They won the Premiership a couple of times a few years ago until the other teams clued onto their success and bought better players.  John indeed missed the penalty in the shootout against MANCHESTER UNITED in Moscow which lost them the Champions League Final.

How much WORK does he do?  He trains maybe 5 days a week for a few hours.  He plays maybe twice a week, some weeks for 90 minutes or so.  He's probably only 'active' in a game for about 20 minutes.  He'll run about 6KM.  All that for about £175,000 PER WEEK.  That's in the premiership.  There's some players in our 'DIDDY' league in Scotland getting in excess of £1,800,000 per year.

Yet we sit there and marvel at the wages they get.  Some of them are being paid more for a MONTH than some of the SPECATATORS will make in their ENTIRE LIFETIME.  When someone who doesn't know much about Football, questions it, we tell them, "it's a short career".  Well it's probably a 15 year career.  Footballers are allowed to retire officially at 35.  If they've been wisely advised, they'll have been putting as much as possible into a pension fund, which WE then top up by 40%.  Do you have any idea of the size of PENSION JOHN TERRY will be able to draw when he's 35?  I'm sure BANKING is a similar short career when you're at the top.

So I say WHAT'S GOOD FOR THE FOOTBALLER IS GOOD FOR THE BANKER!

TIGER GETS HIS TAIL TWEAKED

Tiger Woods has entered a SEX ADDICTION CLINIC for six weeks.

WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT?  Does he promise not to have 'dirty' thoughts about women for six weeks?  Will the CHICKEN BE CHOKED or is there some sort of MASTERBATION ALARM?
Is the MRS allowed in for a quick NOOKIE SESSION?  Or for that matter, any of his WHORES?
He's insisted on having a MAID.  What a job that is.  You can practically write your own PAYCHEQUE!

I'D PUT A BULLET IN HIS BRAIN FOR HIS LIES

Tony Blair's intelligence chief, (NOW THERE'S AN OXYMORON!), told the Iraq Inquiry that if the public had been allowed to see all the intelligence on which Britain went to war, they would have said: 'Is that it?'



In a damning assessment of the way the evidence was spun into a case for war, former Cabinet Office Intelligence and Security Co-ordinator Sir David Omand denounced  Blair's Downing Street dossier as a 'big mistake'.  He said the claim that Iraq could fire weapons of mass destruction in 45 minutes was 'pish and asking for trouble'.  He said No10 officials compiling the dossier were 'pleading' with the intelligence agencies 'for anything more they can put in the dossier' and added: 'That's why people fell on the 45 minutes. That was something the secret service would allow to be used.

I'm afraid what with all the lies told by Blair and Brown to get us into this war with Bush and with all the 'penny-pinching' that went on with regards to kit,  if my son or daughter had been killed in Iraq, I would now be contemplating putting a bullet in Blair's skull.  I appreciate that his Police bodyguards which cost us £2m per year might also get me, but it would be worth it.  Sometimes THE AMERICAN WAY IS THE BEST!

A GREAT PICTURE OF HOPE FROM HAITI.

"Kiki" pulled out of the rubble of his house with his sister after 8 days buried.  I know he'll probably have a shit life, but what a great photo!

PRINCE WILLIAM IS GAY ICON

H.R.H. Prince William, was yesterday placed on the SEX OFFENDERS' REGISTER after complaints from the NEW ZEALAND Government that he has become a GAY ICON.

PERVERT CAUGHT SHAGGING A BULL TERRIER!

A MAN, who recorded himself sexually abusing his pet Staffordshire Bull Terrier on his mobile phone, has been placed on probation and on the Sex Offenders' Register for two years. 

John Kerr, or should that be Juan Kerr, 30, has also been banned from ever owning a pet again.


DIRTY BASTARD!  How low can you get.  And don't answer a CHIHAUHUA!

SCOTLAND HAS MORE HEALTH PROFESSIONALS PER HEAD THAN ENGLAND

Scottish patients benefit from twice the number of nurses per person as those in England - despite paying far less tax, (according to the mail!) 

The massive subsidy they (ALLEGEDLY) receive from taxpayers south of the border also enables NHS Trusts there to employ nearly 50 per cent more doctors and dentists, according to a new report.


The disparity is a legacy of the controversial 30-year-old Barnett Formula, which sees Scotland get more public spending than other parts of the UK because it has greater levels of deprivation. It is said to have created 'medical apartheid'.


The Nuffield Trust charity found that about £1,800 per head is spent on health in Scotland, but in England it is just £1,500. (i.e. 20% MORE) 


This allows Scotland to have more than 80 per cent more nurses, midwives and health visitors, with 11 per 1,000 people compared to just six in England.


It also has 2.5 doctors and dentists per 1,000 people - 47 percent higher than the 1.7 England can manage. This includes both hospital doctors and GPs.

This report is the biggest load of SHITE that I have read for a while.  HOW, going by the Mail's figures can spending be 20% higher per head in Scotland and yet we have 80% more health professionals?  (WE MUST HAVE A VERY EFFICIENT NHS IN SCOTLAND!)

Point 1.  Scotland has 40% of the land mass of the UK and 8% of the population.  Therefore HEALTH facilities have to be spread thinner.  For instance if the average GP in England has say 5,000 patients because of the sparser population and bigger area covered in Scotland that figure would be nearer 3,000.  So therefore on a like for like basis the costs are higher.

Point 2.  Health is devolved in Scotland along with some other matters.  Scotland is given a BLOCK-GRANT (sometimes called pocket-money) from the UK treasury.  The SCOTTISH GOVERNMENT then has to devise a budget which it can be passed in the SCOTTISH PARLIAMENT with the agreement of some of the other partties because it is a minority Government.  If the Government decides to spend more on HEALTH because that is important to them and less on something else for instance Transport or the Police, THAT IS THE PEROGATIVE OF THE SCOTTISH GOVERNMENT.  So if your health is important to you, MOVE TO SCOTLAND.  You'll be made very welcome.

HOWAWAY THE LADS! WE'RE ALL NEWCASTLE FANS NOW!

Northern Rock sparked outrage yesterday after revealing plans to spend up to £10million sponsoring a football club.



Critics rounded on the State-owned bank for pouring taxpayers' money into Newcastle United.  The renewed deal is worth 500 times the £20,000 average annual salary of a Northern Rock worker.  It is even more generous than some of those signed by rival clubs - including ones which are more successful than Newcastle.  Yesterday Premier League side Birmingham City signed a five-year deal with the Chinese sportswear firm Xtep worth around £7.8million. But Newcastle are in the Championship, a division lower.

Northern Rock was bailed out by taxpayers in February 2008 after humiliating scenes saw panicked customers queueing round the block to withdraw their money. But yesterday the bank insisted the new sponsorship deal was appropriate.

So it's "HOWAWAY THE LADS, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN US COMING"

          "WE'RE ONLY HERE TO DRINK YOUR BEER AND SHAG YIR FUCKING WOMEN" 

It will be easy for us SCOTS, because they say a GEORDIE is only a SCOTSMAN WITH HIS BRAINS KICKED OUT!  WHYAYE MAN, make mine a bottle of NOUKIEBROON.

INFLATION HITS RECORD HIGH-YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST!

Inflation hit a record high of 2.9% last month, fuelled by rising fuel prices and QUANTATIVE EASING from the BANK of ENGLAND.  But that won't be a surprise to anyone reading this blog because YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST days ago.  So HOLD ONTO YOUR HATS for the INFLATIONARY BIGDIPPER!  WHEEEEEE!

RELIEF AID FOR HAITI-WHY AM I GETTING CONFUSED?

The European Union has promised to provide more than 420 million euros (£369m) in aid to help those affected by the devastating earthquake in Haiti. 
The money will deliver both emergency and long-term assistance to the country which was torn apart by the magnitude 7.0 quake.

Now don't please get me wrong.  I think that we individually and nationally should contribute to the Haiti appeal.  Ax I've said I've been to that Island many times on holiday and the suffering and devastation are insufferable.

But here's what I don't understand.  Since the Lisbon Treaty was ratified, we in Britain are now part of the EU one hundred percent.  So if the EU is giving £369m towards the disaster, why is Cyclops in London pledging another £20m.  Now I don't mind if the GREAT LEADER says to the EU, "look we in Britain would also like to contribute something, so we'll chip in a bit more into the pot."  As a net contributor, Britain's share of the EU's assistance will already be a big percentage of the total.

So why isn't Arsewipe going or indeed the EU going to countries like Estonia and saying, "look you're net beneficiaries from the EU,  would you mind chipping in £5m to the pot".  I suppose what I'm trying to say without sounding callous, IS WHY ARE WE CONTRIBUTING TWICE, WHEN we are the last major EU ECONOMY TO COME OUT OF RECESSION?  And why when we are now an integral part of the EU, don't we let them CONTRIBUTE FOR ALL OF US?

CASPER THE CAT IS DEAD! KILLED BY HIT AND RUN DRIVER-DAILY MAIL

Don't tell me you don't get all the important stories that you might have missed on this blog!  Headlined in the 'DAILY MAIL'.

A cat which became famous for catching the same bus every day for four years has been run over and killed - while crossing the road to catch its daily lift, (HE SHOULDN'T HAVE STOPPED TO LICK HIS BALLS)!



Crafty Casper died in a hit and run accident as he tried to board the No3 service.  He hopped on the bus around 10am every morning and sat on the back seat throughout its entire 11 mile route.  The freeloading Feline would travel around his home city of Plymouth, Devon, for up to an hour before arriving back at the same stop.  But after an estimated 20,000 miles on the bus Casper was killed crossing the road to catch his daily ride.

Och well, I suppose it's the way he would have wanted to go!  Now Casper really is a FRIENDLY GHOST!  Casper's owner have asked for a simple CATholic funeral.  Previous owner CAT Stevens is flying in from CATalina Island with CAThay Pacific.  He will be reading CATcher in the Rye in research for his new film the 'CATechism'.  The time of the service is a well kept secret to keep Media interest to a minimum and no-one is letting the CAT out of the bag.  (Enough, enough. Ed)!

U.N. SCIENCE REPORT ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE IN HIMALAYAS WAS SHITE!

Claims by the world's leading climate scientists that most of the Himalayan glaciers will vanish within 25 years were last night exposed as SHITE.

The alarmist warning appeared two years ago in a highly influential report by the United Nations Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change.  The report said that glaciers in the Himalaya were 'receding faster than in any other part of the world'.  But the experts behind the warning have now admitted their claim was not based on hard science - but a story that appeared in the "VIZ" magazine,  on a page about the 'TWO FAT SLAGS' in the late 1990s.

That story was itself based on a telephone conversation with an Indian scientist who, was a Curry chef in the evenings at the BOMBAY TAJ MAHAL, (open Tue-Sun 5-11.30p.m., closed Mon-Chicken Jalfraizi a speciality, Wednesday's buffet night-all you can eat 5 Rupees, tel.  Mumbai 235-9871),  has since admitted it was little more than speculation.  The revelation is a major blow to the credibility of the IPCC which was set up to provide political leaders with clear, independent advice on climate change and to predict Barbecue Summers and mild Winters.

As one, (that's me),  has said before, it's time we got this climate shite sorted out once and for all so that everyone on the planet knows what the score is.

SHOCK! HORROR! 'SCOTS DRINK MOST IN UK' SAYS SUNDAY POST

We drink a quarter more alcohol than the rest of the country



Scots are booziest in Britain

By Campbell hic! Gunn

SCOTS consume 25 per cent more alcohol per head than drinkers across the rest of Britain.
The average adult now drinks the equivalent of nearly 540 pints of beer or 46 bottles of vodka a year.

Startling new figures to be published today show that the 50.5 million litres of pure alcohol sold in Scotland in 2009 was enough for every drinker over 18 to exceed the weekly male drinking guidelines every week.  The figures also suggest Scots are out-drinking their counterparts in the rest of Britain by an average of two-and-a-half pints or large glasses of wine per week.

EASY! for the old SCOTLAND!  We've showed those SOFT SOUTHERN POOOOFTERS!  WEARRAPEEPEL!  Shove your MINIMUM PRICING UP YOUR BIG FAT LARDARSE SALMOND! CIRRHOSIS OF THE LIVER, HERE WE COME!  You don't see us FALLING ABOUT PISHED AND FIGHTING!

Well not unless you work in A&E, you don't.

FROM AN E-MAIL SOMEONE SENT ME.

IMMIGRANTS, NOT BRITONS, MUST ADAPT.

Take It Or Leave It. I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on London , we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Brits.
However, the dust from the attacks has barely settled and the 'politically correct' crowd begin complaining about the possibility that our patriotism is offending others.
I am not against immigration, nor do I hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to Britain . However, there are a few things that those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some born here, need to understand.


This idea of Britain being a multicultural centre for community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity. As Britons, we have our own culture, our own society, our own language and our own lifestyle. This culture has been developed over centuries of wars, struggles, trials and victories fought by the untold masses of men and women who laid down their lives and of the millions of men and women who have sought freedom.
We speak ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society, learn the language!
We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change, and we really don't care how you did things where you came from. This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this.
But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our National Motto, or Our Way of Life, I encourage you take advantage of one other great British freedom, 'THE RIGHT TO LEAVE'.
We didn't force you to come here. If you don't like it GO HOME!!  You asked to be here.. So accept the country that accepted YOU. Pretty easy really, when you think about it..

I don't agree with all of  the above, but WHAT DO YOU THINK?