MIKE CONWAY'S CRASH AT INDY 500-WATCH THIS!

BREAKING SCANDAL-CGT CHEAT ALEXANDER IS A HETEROSEXUAL!

In SENSATIONAL NEWS, tonight, it has been revealed that not only is the new Chief Secretary to the Treasury a CGT CHEAT but he is also a HETEROSEXUAL!
Libthingy MP Alexander, although he is a SPECCY BASTARD WITH RED HAIR, has had normal sexual relations with his wife, (well apart from the handcuffs and romper suit incident) and indeed recently had a child.
PETER THATCHELL, the well known GAY CAMPAIGNER said last night, "I didn't realise there were any heterosexuals left in the LIBTHINGY party, but this sort of behaviour doesn't surprise me.  These people need to be weeded out.  Is he even Jewish"?  IAIN DALE, the prominent Gay blogger told D.L., "Christ I never realised he was straight.  I'll need to cancel those FUCKING T-SHIRTS NOW"!

THE LAWS LETTER TO HIS REPLACEMENT

h/t Mr Eugenides

MICHAEL MOORE NEW SCOTTISH SECRETARY!

Michael Moore is the new Scottish Secretary.  To paraphrase the old 'Smokie' hit 'Living Next Door to Alice', "Michael, Michael, who the FUCK IS MICHAEL"?

This Coalition thing is OK, but there are people getting promoted above their capabilities.  I mean Danny Alexander taking over from Laws at the Treasury!  Now I'm sure the boy is no numpty, but for fuck's sake, GIE US A BREAK!

There must be Libthingies all over the country, who thought they were on a nice wee earner, serving as a Libthingie MP for 30 years in a nice rural seat, SHITEING THEMSELVES in case they get promoted!  Anyway what's wrong with ALAN REID, MP for Argyll?  I went to school with him.  GIVE HIM A JOB!

A GOOD NIGHT WAS HAD BY ALL!

A friend scoffed when I told him I was going to put a picture of him, LYING PISHED, ON THE FLOOR OF THE PUB, LAST NIGHT, on the internet.  Well GORDON, here it is!

SATURDAY JOKE (NO, NOT DAVID LAWS AGAIN)!

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said,"Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."
"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now".
"Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"
"We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine now, really."
"What about the eye patch?"
"Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them shit in my eye."
"You're kidding," said the bartender,"you couldn't lose an eye just from some bird shite?"


"It was my first day with the hook."

HT Keybored Warrior

MAIR NOSTALGIA FROM THE COSTA CLYDE 1959

ADVENTURER BEAR GRYLLIS TO SHAG 10,000 SCOUTS OVER THE BANK HOLIDAY WEEKEND!

TV adventurer Bear Grylls,  plans to shag more than 10,000 Scouts over the bank holiday weekend.
Adventurer Bear Grylls has joined in activities including bare back climbing, woggling and survival techniques such as currently being used by David Laws in Westminster as he squirms trying to keep his job, with thousands of Scouts.
The daredevil documentary maker, who is Chief Scout, set off on a trip to visit more than 10,000 Scouts taking part in outdoor pursuits over the bank holiday weekend

Footnote: The term to 'shag' when used in this context is an old scouting term for to 'jamboree' and should not be used in it's modern, vulgar use i.e. to have sexual intercourse with.

ANGER IN HOLYROOD AS 'JACK THE LAD' IS ELEVATED TO THE LORDS

JACK TRIES ON A NATTY WEE NUMBER FOR HIS MAIDEN SPEECH IN THE LORDS

FORMER First Minister Jack McConnell was under pressure to stand down as an MSP last night after he was elevated to the House of Lords.

Lord Jackass of Wishie refused to be drawn on whether he would stand for election to the Scottish Parliament next year.  But Mr McConnell who is now a roving ambassador for international development, said he had no immediate plans to step down.

SNP MSP Christina McKelvie said: "Having been given a non-job by Brown, he has finally been rewarded by Labour with a party political peerage".

He now has no escape from Lord Foulkes or Labour's other dual-mandate politicians, those POLITICAL WHORES, Cathy Jamieson and Margaret Curran, who it seems will all be spending more time on the green and red benches than working for their Holyrood constituents.

These bastards made plenty of noise in the past about Alex Salmond having a dual mandate, even though he gave his Westminster salary to charity.

The question these GRASPING BASTARDS have to answer is, HOW MUCH OF THEIR DUAL SALARY IS BEING DONATED TO CHARITY? 

POPE TO ALLOW PRIESTS AN OCCASIONAL HANDJOB?

DOZENS of women have written to Pope Benedict asking if Roman Catholic priests can be allowed the occasional hand job.
 In an open letter, the girlfriends of more than 40 priests have called for a relaxation of the church's stance on celibacy to allow a limited range of sexual practices, including the reverse Dutch Steamboat, the Stockholm Slip'n'Slide and the Sorcerer's Apprentice.  But a Vatican spokesman said: "Having read the letter I can't help noticing that the shaky handwriting looks suspiciously like that of a man on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Not to mention the fact that several of the pages were stuck together."
"The Pope is not totally unsympathetic - he's seen Barbarella for Christ's sake - but he simply does not understand why a fully trained priest would seek comfort in the arms of a woman when he's surrounded by rows and rows of freshly packed boymeat."

TWO SHAGS PRESCOTT JOINS THE 'VERMIN WITH ERMIN'!

So, UBER-SOCIALIST, John, TWO SHAGS, (sorry Jags), Prescott, is to join the 'VERMIN WITH ERMIN', as he once described the HOUSE OF LORDS.

FUCK ME!  They're not long in tugging their forelocks when a PEERAGE comes calling.  Prescott would have you believe of course, that he really doesn't want it, but it's his wife, PAULINE, who's insisting on it.  Well, that's what you get for being a SHAGGER, John!  All your LABOUR PALS, who in reality, will be cringing with embarrassment, will come up with the SHITE about how it is great that a (WORKING!), MAN CAN RISE TO THE NOBILITY.  To them, I say, AYE, MY BIG FAT ARSE!

VIEWS OF THE CLYDE FROM 1959

THIS DRUNKEN ORGY IN OUR TOWNS AND CITIES HAS TO STOP!

Alcohol-fuelled violence and loutish behaviour has become the modern-day 'plague' of Britain, a top judge warned today.
District Judge Alan Berg said young women, in particular, who were intent on getting 'senselessly drunk,' were behind a dramatic escalation of mindless violence on the nation's streets.    Mr Berg spoke out just days after jailing high-flying university student, Melissa Massey, 20, for a booze-fuelled attack on a female paramedic.  The judge branded Massey a 'drunken barbarian' and said he had no choice but to imprison her to try and curb the growing tide of barbaric behaviour in city centres.

Quite right too.  I don't want to sound like an OLD FART, but as someone in their 50s, I am concerned about going out for a drink in our towns and cities.  FUCK ME!  It's a bit much when you can't go out for a drink with your wife, without worrying constantly about some drunken yob who feels you looked at him the wrong way!  GLASGOW, which I know in particular is a nightmare.  For too long our COURTS have accepted the excuse that someone who has been arrested was drunk.  Well, who's fault is that?  Most people go out with the intention of getting pissed and I sorry you guys who bleat about MINIMUM ALCOHOL PRICING, but they are tanked up on CHEAP SUPERMARKET DRINK before they go out, which only exacerbates the problem.

NO LONGER, SHOULD BEING DRUNK BE TAKEN AS AN EXCUSE.  PEOPLE HAVE TO TAKE PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR OWN LIVES.

LAURA BUSH-GEORGE IT'S THE DRINK OR ME-AND HE CHOSE THE WRONG ONE!

George W Bush has revealed that he was only able to become U.S. president after his wife put her foot down on his infamous taste for alcohol.
Laura Bush gave him an ultimatum that set him on the road to the White House, telling him: ‘It’s either the booze or me!’
What a sad day for WORLD HISTORY when the SOZZLED FUCKWIT decided to come off the bevvy!

HUSBAND OF THE YEAR 2010-TIME TO MAKE YOUR CHOICE

HUSBAND 1 "WELL, YOU WANTED TO BE MY APPRENTICE"

HUSBAND 2 "THIS LITTLE PIGGY WENT TO MARKET"

HUSBAND 3 "THIS CARRY OUT'S FUCKING KILLING ME"

HUSBAND 4 "THAT'S NOT HURTING YOUR BACK, IS IT DEAR?"

HUSBAND 5 "FUCK YOU, MY BIKE'S NOT GETTING RUSTY"

HUSBAND 6 "ROW FASTER BITCH, THIS IS MY LAST FAG"

The choice is yours.

  A divorce Lawer to the winner, a mother-in-law to the loser!

HOMEWORKERS TO KNIT BREAST IMPLANTS IN NEW NHS FUNDING SCANDAL!

A PICTURE OF ONE OF THE NEW KNITTED BOOBS TAKEN BY SECRET CAMERA

In a new funding crisis shock to the NHS in England and Wales, homeworkers are to be employed to 'knit' breast implants aimed at new low-cost BREAST AUGMENTATION OPERATIONS.


By paying only the minimum wage and using an inferior wool, NHS managers expect to get the price of a couple of DD implants down from the current price of £3389 plus VAT to £4.36.  The only advantage of the 'new implants' is that patients will be able to have a range of different sizes which can be changed at will, to suit different situations.  For instance a BB size for the beach under a bikini, (in case they get soggy in the water), or a DD size under an evening dress to impress your friends, (and their partners).
Only top quality knitters need apply for employment as it is a requirement of the post, that you can sew a PERFECT NIPPLE.

NHS MANAGERS are hoping the new knitted breasts don't cause the same problems as the PLASTICINE PENIS EXTENSIONS' SCANDAL of the 70's.

POLICE ARREST ENTIRE WEDDING PARTY IN PAKISTAN AS 41 YEAR OLD MAN TRIES TO MARRY A EUNUCH!

The 'bride' and groom

 An entire wedding party was arrested in Pakistan on Monday after police received a tip-off that a middle-aged man was trying to marry a 19-year-old eunuch.
Malik Mohammad Iqbal Khan, a 42-year-old fertiliser dealer, a transvestite called Rani, and dozens of guests were arrested when police raided a late-night party in the northern city of Peshawar.  "We arrested the bridegroom, the would-be bride and 41 others at the wedding party," Shahid Khan, the local police station chief said.  The fertiliser dealer, who already has two wives, denied he was marrying the eunuch.

HOW FUCKING BIZARRE!  It just goes to show, you should never marry a fat middle-aged bastard who wears a sheet!

A RADICAL SOLUTION TO THE FINANCIAL CRISIS-CULL THE 'COFFINDODGERS'

Today, I would like to make a recommendations to the Cameron Government.  Compulsory retirement at aged 65 for everybody and a CULL of all COFFINDODGERS when they reach 75.

This would free NHS spending for us younger people who need it.  It would save £billions in Pensions, free TV licenses, bus passes and the Winter fuel allowance.  It would also help employment as the funeral industry would have to take on extra staff for digging graves and the like.  All their assets should also go to the state, thereby allowing us to pay of the debt that GORDON BROWN and the BANKERS, (sounds like a 60's group), ran up, when he allowed them free rein. 
To balance the equation, we should help pensioners enjoy their last 10 years by giving them free membership of bowling and golf clubs for the men and positions of responsibility in the W.R.I. for the women.  Fair's fair.  By the time the Arthritis sets in by the age of 75, they'll be happy to unburden themselves on society.  Quite but dignified funerals will be arranged by the state and paid out of their assets.  Their families will be saved the pain of watching their elderly relatives suffer as they do now or worse suffer the shock that can happen when a Father or Mother pops their clogs, unexpectedly.

All in all, a much more dignified end to some one's life.  I would anticipate that if this scheme runs for exactly 19 years 6 months, we will have more than paid off the National Debt and we can let those lucky people who will have reached 74 years by that time, live the rest of their lives, until the end comes naturally. 

TODAY I REVEAL THE SECRET OF MY YOUTHFUL GUB-POND'S COLD CREAM

Today, I can reveal to you the 'secret' of my YOUTHFUL APPEARANCE, Pond's Cold Cream. 
Although I admit to using BOTOX INJECTIONS in the past and that has helped with my full luscious lips and fabulously honed cheekbones, I have been using POND'S on a regular basis over the last six months.  Although I am now a man of 55, I am quite regularly taken for a YOUNGER MAN OF 53.
I believe it is also now used by some singer or other, called Kylie Minogue.
Pond's  is based on a cleanser used in Greece almost 2,000 years ago - an emulsion of water and certain fats.
It can be purchased in Boots at £3.99 for a 75ml jar or from http://www.iwanttolookasyoungasD.L.com/ for the SPECIAL PRICE £2.99 plus £19.99 p&p.

THAT WASN'T A SPENDING CUT-THAT WAS A M&S SPENDING CUT!

Immediate public spending cuts of £6.25 billion are designed to send a "shockwave" through Whitehall, the Government has announced.
The Chancellor, standing alongside his Lib Dem deputy at the Treasury, David Laws, said the reductions would be made while maintaining ''frontline'' services in key areas such as the NHS. He also announced that schools spending would be protected.

That wasn't a spending cut, that was a M & S spending cut.  For fuck's sake get on with it man.

THE 'HAND OF GOD' WILL WIPE HIS BIG FAT ARSE IN LUXURY!

Diego Maradona has demanded two state-of-the-art bidet toilets be installed for him at Argentina's World Cup base camp in South Africa.
Builders were rushed in to carry out a £1,400 overhaul of the football legend's private suite after his aides complained that the existing bathroom facilities would not meet his 'high standards.'  His bedroom now includes two bathrooms, each featuring a bidet toilets, which according to a South African newspaper retail for £311 each.  They feature a heated seat, a warm air blow-dryer and front and rear bidet wands.

Now, I have absolutely no idea what 'front and rear bidet wands' are.  Like most SCOTSMEN, when abroad and we encounter a BIDET, we use it to cool the cheap Champagne.  But the man is quite right to insist on a spot of luxury in the bog department.  In fact, if I had his money, I would have someone to WIPE MY ARSE for me.  Indeed in Japan, they tell me that one of the most respected jobs you can get, is to be a SUMO WRESTLER'S ARSE WIPER because they are too fat to get round to them.  That might be a good job for some of these chav chappies off the sink estates.  Good working hours.  Decent living conditions and a bonus scheme for efficient arse wiping, with all paper saved being able to be kept for personal use.
No, maybe not.  That's the problem with this country.  You can't get good help!

UP YOURS VAN ROMPEUY!

SORRY NO BLOGPOST.  I JUST LIKE SAYING IT!

AT LAST SOMEONE TALKING SENSE ABOUT AFGHANISTAN!

DEFENCE SECRETARY LIAM FOX:

"We have to reset expectations and timelines. NATIONAL SECURITY is the focus now.  We are not a GLOBAL POLICEMAN.
We are not in Afghanistan for the sake of the EDUCATION POLICY in a BROKEN 13TH CENTURY COUNTRY.
We are there so the PEOPLE OF BRITAIN and our GLOBAL INTERESTS ARE NOT THREATENED.

THANK FUCK!  Someone is AT LAST talking some sense about our 'war' in Afghanistan, after we have had to listen to a LOAD OF MEALY MOUTHED, SOCIALIST CLAPTRAP, over the last few years.

HOW MUCH OF YOUR COUNCIL TAX IS GOING IN COUNCIL EMPLOYEES PENSIONS?

HOW MUCH of your Council Tax payment do you think, is going to pay the GOLDEN PLATED, FINAL SALARY pension schemes of EX-COUNCIL EMPLOYEES like the bunch of COFFIN DODGERS ABOVE!

Well, an investigation by me and the Sunday Post has revealed some interesting facts in Scotland.
A survey of 30 local authorities across Scotland revealed they contributed a combined total £629m into their staff pension funds last year. Over the same period their combined council tax income was £2.1bn. SO AN AVERAGE IN SCOTLAND OF 30%.  The highest ratio of council tax to pension contributions was in Orkney, where a massive 69 per cent was paid into staff retirement plans. Next was Eilean Sar (68 per cent), Shetland Islands (65 per cent) and Dundee City (50 per cent). 
Glasgow City Council had the highest pension bill (£54.5m) followed by Edinburgh (£46.1m), Fife (£40.7m) and Aberdeenshire (£39.1m).

69% of all Council Tax contributions going to pay PENSIONS.  How do they pay for the roads, social services etc, etc.  I suppose the rest has to come from the SCOTTISH GOVERNMENT, so we are ending up paying for it twice, so some EX-COUNCIL BIGWIG can sit on a huge FINAL SALARY PENSION.  I think not.  TIME SOMETHING WAS DONE ABOUT IT BEFORE I GET ANGRY!

LET'S GET THIS 'DEFICIT' QUESTION INTO PROPORTION

With full respect to the post below, I saw this and suddenly woke up.

Let me run this imaginary scenario past you.
My wife and I both have good jobs, but we spend money like fuck!  In fact in overdraft at the bank and in credit cards we are £1,300,000 overdrawn.  Ridiculous I know, but stick with me.  Now although as high fliers we earn £50,000 per month, we are actually spending £13,000 per month more than we are earning.  That means that we will be £156,000 MORE OVERDRAWN at the end of the year.
Now the bank we deal with is starting to get a little concerned at our financial situation.  HOWEVER WE HAVE A PLAN!  My wife is going to stop buying DESIGNER SHOES this year and that will save £6,000, so we'll only have a DEFICIT THIS YEAR OF £150,000 to add to our existing overdraft of £1.3m, meaning we will owe £1,450,000 at the end of the year.  The Bank have accepted our plan and although my wife wanted to wait until next year to stop buying shoes and implement it, she's accepted that we need to do it now.

AND THAT LADIES AND GENTLE PERSONS IS THE STATE OF THE UNITED KINGDOM TODAY AFTER 13 YEARS OF THAT USELESS BASTARD BROWN AND HIS CRONIES!

LACK OF BLOGGING

My apologises to any on you who have popped in to visit my blog and have found that I haven't posted.  My body seems to be still working on Hospital time as every time I sit down late at night on the laptop, I fall asleep!  I'll try and get back to 2 or 3 posts daily shortly!

CAMERON AND MERKEL IN EURO LOVE TIFF! UP YOURS VAN ROMPUEY!

On his first foreign trip, the Prime Minister meets the German Chancellor for talks that diplomats have suggested will be “chilly or even frosty”.
Cameron will warn Merkel that he has promised Britons a referendum on a new Treaty.
Chancellor Merkel has insisted that all European countries must give up sovereignty to give the EU new economic powers to prevent another Greek and euro zone crisis.  She has previously expressed anger at Mr Cameron, before he became Britain’s leader, over his opposition to the Lisbon Treaty.

Cameron must not cede any more powers to Europe without a new treaty and a referendum.  If the referendum vote is strongly against a new treaty, then HE MUST HAVE A REFERENDUM ON OUR CONTINUED MEMBERSHIP OF THE EU!

GIRD YOUR LOINS, YOUNG MEN! THE HUN IS COMING AGAIN!

Shocked European ministers are preparing for emergency talks to shore up the euro after markets fell in reaction to panic measures in Germany.
Angela Merkel stunned EU capitals by warning that the euro was in danger and triggered fears of a fresh financial meltdown by announcing a ban on risky trading practices by speculators. The German Chancellor’s actions opened up new cracks in the single currency, drawing sharp criticism from France and prompting Brussels to issue an appeal for unity.

Mark my words, fellow BRITISH CITIZENS, this is the first step down the path to war with the HUN, one more time.  They won't stand for being whipped twice and their evil Teutonic minds are plotting their revenge.  UN, make sure they can't get their hands on any PLUTONIUM, because if they have any WMD, they'll use them unlike that fuckwit SADDAM.  We shouldn't have let them re-unite.  I said at the time it was a mistake.  Divide and conquer should have been our watchword.  The RUSSIAN BEAR was right!
LET'S NOT BE LULLED INTO A FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY ONE MORE TIME!  ARM NOW, READY TO FACE THE HUN!

DO YOU KNOW THE PHANTOM SPEEDING BIKER?

Police are hunting a biker who has evaded a string of speeding fines by covering his number plate with his hand.
The motorbike rider has been caught on camera numerous times breaking speed limits on a Yamaha 125cc, but has so far avoided a fine on every occasion.  Police in Plymouth, Devon, believe the rider knows where all the speed cameras are and deliberately conceals his registration plate with his hand, (THE DEVIOUS BASTARD) and what is thought to be a learner drive plate whenever he speeds past them.

So far Devon police have only spent £161,000 in trying to hunt down the 'PHANTOM' as he is now being called.  A recent murder enquiry however, recently had to be scaled back, as the police did not have enough resources to investigate it.  "The Phantom must be caught" a police spokesman told Dark Lochnagar, "the cameras are there for a reason and we can't have people speeding and getting away with it".

LONDON UNVEILS OLYMPIC MASCOTS!

The London Olympics have unveiled their 'EXCITING OLYMPIC MASCOTS', called 'ROADKILL' and 'BIGCOCK', which they hope will raise £20,000,000,000 in sponsorship.  Don't all laugh at once!

FUCK ME! And I thought 'WORLD CUP WILLIE' was bad!

CLEGGY WANTS US TO SEND HIM STUPID LAWS THAT SHOULD BE REPEALED!

CLEGGY, (yes the twat in the photo, not that nice old guy off  the telly on that programme that's been on every Sunday Evening for 60 years just after 'Songs Of Praise'), wants us to send him examples of bad laws, passed, in particular by those Labour fuckwits in the last 13 years, that should be repealed.  I'm sure YOU WILL HAVE PLENTY OF IDEAS (!), BUT HERE ARE SOME TO GET YOU STARTED.
Speed cameras: It would be more honest if the police set up road blocks, randomly flagged down drivers and charged them a £60 protection fee to continue their journey unmolested.
The hunting ban: Country folk still cannot quite understand why they are prohibited from killing vermin in the quickest way possible,  which hunt down and brutally kill our cats, while Halal butchers are allowed to hang animals upside down and slit their throats. Very strange, but I suppose it's cause them black.
All health and safety regulations: Please, just let us injure ourselves. If I kill myself by doing something stupid then that is my fault, nobody else's.
Data protection: "Your call is being recorded for your own safety". No it isn't. It is being recorded because we are living under the lash of an overweening state stuffed with busybodies who need to be told to fuck off.
'Verbal abuse': If I want to tell the said person or machine to fuck off then that should be my right.
Supporting England: If I don't want to support England then I shouldn't have to.  Sometimes like in cricket against Pakistan I do, but say in football against Outer Mongolia, I don't.  And I don't expect you English, to support Scotland either, if you don't want to.

Any suggestions will be e-mailed to Cleggy with my compliments!

COURT'S RULING OVER PAKISTANIS' APPEAL IS UNBELIEVABLE!

New Home Secretary, Theresa May, is said to be disappointed with the ruling of the Special Immigration Appeals Commission's,(SIAC), decision to grant the appeal of four known Al Qaeda terrorists who want to stay in this country, rather than be deported back to Pakistan where they may be tortured.
The Home Office was seeking to deport the two men, on the grounds that their presence in the UK was not conducive to the public good for reasons of national security.

WTF!  The rest of the world must be laughing like fuck at (GREAT) BRITAIN.  Are we so bound up in HUMAN RIGHTS SHITE after 13 years of LABOUR that we cannot deport PAKISTANI citizens back to PAKISTAN, a COMMONWEALTH COUNTRY, for fear that they may be tortured?  A country that is losing daily more of their citizens than the rest of the coalition forces put together, IN THEIR FIGHT AGAINST AL QAEDA!
WHERE IS THIS COUNTRY GOING TO AND HOW CAN I GET OFF?  Tell them TO FUCK OFF and they can take the DITTERY OLD BASTARDS on the appeals commission, with them!

LABOUR'S 'BLACK BROWS' PARTING SHOT

FORMER Chancellor Alistair Darling today warned the new government against breaking up the banks as he prepared to quit Labour's front bench.
In an exclusive interview with Dark Lochnagar, Mr Darling spoke of his fears over the new UK coalition government's plans to deal with the banks.  He said: "George Osborne and Vince Cable have been talking about breaking up the banks and that's something I would be very concerned about I'm not sure they have thought through the consequences".

Nobody gives a fuck what you think!  YOU LOST!  You and your cronies HAVE RUINED THE ECONOMY.  Now fuck off back to obscurity and leave us alone.

THIS WEEK'S CAPTION COMPETITION!

A 'night of passion' with the BRIDE, (or the BRIDEGROOM), to the WINNER!

ARE THE UNIONS TRYING TO SHUT DOWN BA?

What are the Unions and in particular the Labour funding UNITE trying to do to British Airways.  It seems to me now that the power has been taken away from their COMMIE COMRADES IN DOWNING STREET by the Election, they feel unfettered to bring the company to it's knees.

BA has lost £165million in the last two months or so through Strikes and the effect of the ash cloud.  USHITE are planning another four weeks of strikes which will cost the company another £138million.  These losses are unsustainable for any company, no matter how large.
Being part of the Cabin Crew on a plane is a cushy number.  It is riddled with so called 'Spanish Practices'.  BA cabin crew are already the best paid in the industry.  Their perks are legendary.  I have friends whose daughter works as Cabin Crew with BA and they jet all over the world for fuck all, as do the rest of her, ever extending, family.

It must be tempting for CEO, Willie Walsh to shut the whole fucking thing down and tell them to go and work for a living.  See how they would like to be a nurse, working a hard 12 hour shift with no perks other than a subsidised canteen.  Although I see today that Arts and Entertainment is the fastest growing industry in the UK and half of wankers would end up as quiz show contestants.
Sir Richard Branson must be laughing like fuck!

CARSWELL AND TORY BACK BENCHERS HOPE TO FORCE VOTE ON EUROPE

Tory MPs are plotting to force a referendum on the EU's Lisbon Treaty within months, setting up the first test of the coalition Government's uneasy truce on Europe.
Backbencher Douglas Carswell, he of the face like a melted welly,  revealed that he and other Eurosceptic Conservatives hope to take advantage of a technical change to the treaty to force a public vote.  The Foreign Office confirmed yesterday that plans for a minor increase in the number of MEPs would require a change in the law in this country.
Mr Carswell said this might provide a chance to revive a Tory pledge to hold a referendum on the controversial treaty which handed a raft of fresh powers to Brussels.  Any move to force a referendum would place huge strain on the relationship between pro-European Liberal Democrats and their largely Eurosceptic Tory coalition partners. It would also create a headache for David Cameron, who attempted to play down Europe as an issue during the election campaign after dropping his 'cast-iron' pledge to hold a referendum after the treaty was ratified last year.

Let's see if 'call me Dave' really has the courage of his conviction or is he just another EU luvvie.  I KNOW WHERE MY MONEY WILL BE LYING!

55% VOTE OF NO CONFIDENCE IS UNDEMOCRATIC!

Having spent the last three days in hospital with an irregular heart beat and having not read any other blogs, I am not sure if this subject has been done to death but I have a lot of disquiet over the proposed 55% rule for a vote of no confidence.

If you look at the numbers and taking into account that SEIN FEIN don't take up their five seats in the commons even if everybody else including the Libthingies voted against the Tories the most votes they could muster would be 338.  If you take 55% of the 650 seats in the commons that is 358.  So therefore to topple a Tory Government, 20 of their own number would have to vote in the vote of no confidence against their own administration to change it and trigger another election.

Now I've heard of turkeys voting for Christmas, but that is ridiculous!  Therefore we are stuck with a Tory government whether we like it or not,  for the next five years.  Now as it turns out, although I want SCOTTISH INDEPENDENCE, I would rather see a TORY LED COALITION IN WESTMINSTER than those shower of TALENTLESS FUCKWITS, LABOUR  and I might just have a tenner or two at the bookies on the Government being in power for 5 years.

INTIMATE BROWN PHOTO FROM CABINET ROOM

FUCK OFF YOU USELESS, ONE-EYED TWAT AND TAKE YOUR CRABBIT WIFE AND SNOTTY WEANS WITH YOU. 

 GOOD FUCKING RIDDANCE!

TINY ROWLAND'S WIFE WILL RETURN TO HARRODS

The wife of ex-Harrods owner, Tiny Rowland, will return to the store after it's sold by Mohamed Fayed.
There.  I bet that makes your day knowing that!  THEY PRINT SOME SHITE IN THE 'TELEGRAPH'!

BROWN STARTS NEW CHARITY JOB ALREADY!

h/t don't call me Dave

LABOUR LEAVE THEIR USUAL LEGACY-A RUINED ECONOMY AND RISING UNEMPLOYMENT

I'm unfortunately old enough to remember the state of the country the last time Labour lost power in the Callaghan era.  An urban myth has grown up in Scotland that a big, bad THATCHER came in and decimated the country.

Well let me tell you, the COUNTRY WAS ON IT'S KNEES, very similarly as it is now.  The economy was fucked after THE LABOUR GOVERNMENT who had been in thrall to their Union paymasters much as today's lot are to UNISON, left office with soaring unemployment, record bankruptcies and company failures, record public debt, record balance of payments deficit and the pound on it's knees.  Willie Ross, the then Scottish Secretary pledged to resign if the Scottish unemployment total reached 100,000. 
Today it's been announced that it's now reached 216,000 in Scotland and in Willie Ross's day the total included everybody who was 'economically inactive' which it doesn't today.  That is an increase of 55,000 SINCE LAST MONTH.  IN SCOTLAND!  That's the equivalent of a town the size of Motherwell, Hamilton and Wishaw put together.  Where's your RAVENSCRAIG now?  I don't hear the sound of shrill union voices in protest!

But They shout, "it's a global downturn"!  GLOBAL, MY FUCKING ARSEHOLE!  This is LABOUR'S MESS and don't LET THE LABOUR BASTARDS OR THE PEOPLE OF SCOTLAND FORGET IT!

SUPERMODEL POSES NAKED AFTER DRINKING TOO MUCH BEER ON NIGHT OUT

MARGARET CURRAN MP, MSP FINALLY LOSES HER MARBLES!

In her tribute to GORDON BROWN, new MP, Margaret (hatchet-face) Curran said:


"The SNP had got the result they campaigned for, Ms Curran said: "The SNP can barely hide their glee. This is the result they secretly wanted.  "They campaigned for Labour to lose the election, they fought to reduce the number of Labour MPs, they stood candidates against Labour, they repeatedly called for Gordon Brown to resign.  "Alex Salmond will have a guilty conscience tonight.  "For the last five years he has fought a war of attrition against the Labour government at Westminster, so he cannot cry crocodile tears now."


WTF IS THAT ALL ABOUT?

NEW GREEN MP MARRIES THE 'MAN OF HER DREAMS'

ALEX SALMOND TO BE PRIME MINISTER IN NEW ALLIANCE!

In a shock move today, First Minister of Scotland, ALEX SALMOND, is to become PRIME MINISTER in a new left of centre alliance of the SNP/Plaid/Labour/LibDems/DUP/Greens/Sein Fein and the SDLP.

Following the resignation yesterday, of the now EX-PRIME MINISTER, GORDON BROWN, it is felt that Mr Salmond or Lord Salmond of Peterhead as he will now be known, is the only one with the necessary experience of running a country to fulfill the job adequately.

Lord Salmond will be taking some of his current SCOTTISH GOVERNMENT colleagues with him to Downing Street.  JOHN SWINNEY will be the new CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER,  KENNY MacASKILL will be the new HOME SECRETARY and NICOLA STURGEON will become the new MINISTER OF DEFENCE.  Amongst some of the other posts announced are PETER ROBINSON of the DUP who will become the MINISTER FOR CHILDREN AND FAMILIES.

Former Scottish Secretary, JIM MURPHY is to be offered the post of Cultural Attache to the Embassy in OUTER MONGOLIA.

THE BEATLES? STICK THEM UP YOUR BIG SCOUSE ARSEHOLE!

Some things transcend politics.  So tonight, my friends, I give you a wee treat.  The Beatles?  No comparison!

NOW'S YOUR TIME TO STRIKE LIKE A COBRA, ALEX!

Now is the time for Alex Salmond to ask Cameron how high he will jump to get the SNP/Plaid support to go with the Ulster Unionists.  Now's the time to extract the best deal possible FOR SCOTLAND AND SCOTTISH INDEPENDENCE and leave LABOUR floundering once more as the FEEBLE FORTY who can do nothing to help SCOTLAND because they and the other UNIONIST PARTIES are under the heel of their LONDON MASTERS.

STRIKE NOW WHILE THE IRON IS HOT!

LABOUR'S LAST LEGACY? DARLING HANDS £13BILLION TO THE EU!

Alistair Darling has caved in to a demand that British taxpayers underwrite at least £13 billion of debt held by other European governments as finance ministers met to discuss an even bigger bail-out for the euro.

The Chancellor, representing Britain until a new government is formed, was forced to participate in a £95billion "stabilisation mechanism" aimed helping European Union countries that face a debt crisis.  The decision followed a crisis meeting in Brussels to discuss the financial turmoil that has raised doubts about the future of the euro.  Mr Darling had no choice but to surrender because the decision was taken under a Lisbon Treaty "exceptional occurrences" clause that stripped Britain of its veto.

Aye thanks, you eye-brow dyeing, speccy twat.  I thought we weren't in the EURO?  Cameron's first job, should be to tell the EU to FUCK OFF and tell them that we are repealing the Lisbon Treaty and if the LIBTHINGIES don't like it, then they can FUCK OFF TOO!

IS IT TIME THE SNP DITCHED ALEX SALMOND?

UPDATE:PROMINENT NATIONALIST AGREES

 

Alex Salmond is a slick operator.  Of that there is little doubt.  But has he been there too long?  Has he now lost the political nous that's kept him at the top of his game for so many years?

After what without doubt has been THE MOST INEFFECTUAL CAMPAIGN in history in which the main party political broadcast appeared to be some fuckwit 'high-fiving' his mates and then walking up a mountain to shout "SCOTLAND" at the top of his voice like some reject from 'Braveheart', most SNP bloggers like myself and  SUBROSA are quite frankly incredulous at the way Salmond has jumped into bed with LABOUR in order to form what he terms a 'PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE' or some such ridiculous moniker.

If we had wanted to vote LABOUR we would have voted for them.  Most SNP voters fucking hate LABOUR.  I for one, would rather cut off my right arm than vote for them.  And what's more Labour hate the SNP just as much.  What Alex Salmond forgets is that many SNP supporters want Scottish independence not go create some great socialist state, but simply for the reason that we believe we can coax our fellow Scots away from the habit of appearing to be benefit junkies and back to being the progressive people we have been in the past.  I believe in social justice, but you have to wonder sometimes at a people who have been fed shite by Labour for sixty years but still vote them back in every chance they get.

Alex Salmond, should be willing to work with any government who is able to take power.  We all know that the cuts are coming and the SNP's 'more Nats, less cuts' slogan at the election was cringe worthy and was seen through by the electorate.  He should be working to get the best deal he can to further the causes of INDEPENDENCE, that's why he's there.

The Scottish elections in 2011 are now starting to loom and it's time the SNP got their act together for them.  We don't want to let those Labour bastards back in!

ANYBODY STUDY BODY LANGUAGE?

Tell me this, those of you who like me study BODY LANGUAGE.  Looking at the above photo, what do you think the chances of CLEGG AND BROWN forming a coalition are?

I would say, NONE AND FUCK ALL!

PRIVATE SECURITY FIRMS PAID £MILLIONS TO GUARD POLICE STATIONS!

Figures have revealed police forces spend £23million on private security to protect their stations and headquarters.

YOU REALLY COULDN'T MAKE IT UP!