A STATEMENT BY THE PRIME MINISTER

Now I know we in the Labour party have been telling you for 12 years that all resources should be "Target driven".

Well I have decided currently that is a LOAD OF SHITE.

SO WE ARE GOING FOR PLAN "B".

We are going to build 1200 new houses in England. Unfortunately we can't afford it as the Bank of England says we're FUCKED, ECONOMICALLY SPEAKING, (Alistair remind me to sack that KING BASTARD), so someone else will have to have money taken off their budget. Scotland for instance.

We are also going to finally increase the numbers of Teachers, Policemen, Solders, Traffic Wardens, Civil Servants etc., you get the gist. Again there is no money but Scotland will I am sure help.

In 2012 when Alistair says there might be some money we will also spend like fuck. NO CUTS FOR US. We know we won't get elected anyway. But if we do we can take some more money from the Scots.

OH SHITE, THE SCOTS WILL BE INDEPENDENT BY THEN, WE'LL NEED TO ASK THE I.M.F.!

WHAT WOULD AN INDEPENDENT SCOTLAND'S ASSETS BE?

Much has been written about what Scotland's share of the oil etc would be in we became independent, but what about our share of BRITAIN'S ASSETS?

It could be argued that we should have a share of all Government assets built after 1707 when the Parliaments became united.

This would include a share of the value of for instance the M.I.5 BUILDING ABOVE and any other building built since then.

I'm not sure but would that include the likes of the Ministries of Defence, the Home Office and Agriculture? What about 10 Downing Street? What about the Palace of Westminster? How much of that has been built since 1707? What about British assets abroad, like Embassies? Could we sell the Scottish Office and pay a percentage back to what's left of Britain.

What about the Armed Forces. Do a percentage of the Navy's Ships and the Air Force's Planes come to us? Do we get a nuclear sub? How many missiles do we get? Do we become a nuclear power? Do we rent out FASLANE OR TELL THEM TO FUCK OFF? Surely a political decision.

All in all, Scotland could be due several hundreds of Billions of Pounds. A nice way to start with an independent Scotland.

With the SNP about to have a referendum on independence next year and the country's opinion starting to move in that direction, is this not the discussion we should be having?

ARSEHOLE AND BANANA BOY'S BROTHER HATCH UP NEW TAX

BROWN AND MILLIBAND HAVE A GOOD LAUGH AT OUR EXPENSE!

Gordon Brown today sparked fears of soaring air fares by calling for a £60billion-a-year international fund to help poor nations adapt to climate change, partly funded by aviation taxes.
The Prime Minister said developed countries should make the massive pot of money available to developing nations so their economies could grow even as they adapt to the changing global climate - and he committed Britain to paying its 'fair share'.
Mr Brown said some of the cash could be raised from international aviation and shipping, through taxes or by including these in carbon emissions trading markets.



So in other words after TAXING US TO THE FUCKING HILT, the BASTARDS are now going to charge us out of our meagre annual holidays, while they fly around the world in FIRST CLASS ON THEIR EXPENSES.

And how much do they think that our "ALLIES" the U.S.A. are going to pay towards this strategy? Well I can tell you now, FUCK ALL!

So as usual the country with the most ambitious targets for climate control, Scotland, will pay more in taxes than the WORLD'S BIGGEST POLLUTER, THE U.S.A.

I don't blame the Americans for this but everything in this country now is taxed to "HELP THE PLANET".

BUY A HOUSE ON A HILL AND GET SOME FISHING RODS!

LILY ALLAN SHOWS HER CLASS OVER JACKSON

LILY ALLAN, who I believe is some sort of junky singer, shows her class on TITTER with her reaction to the death of MICHAEL JACKSON.





I suppose we are going to get a load of SHITE for a week about how great JACKSON WAS.





So O.K. he had a few good hits 20 odd years ago, but he was a FUCKING NUTJOB! He was undoubtedly a PHAEDOPHILE and all the operations he had to turn himself white, Christ he must have really hated those BLACK BROTHERS!





Anyway never mind this JACKSON SHITE, what about FARRAH FAWCETT DYING from Cancer.

THAT IS THE REAL TRAGEDY TODAY!

BLEARS RESIGNS AS M.P.

In a shock announcement today HAZEL "Biker" BLEARS has announced she is resigning as an M.P. to join a HELL'S ANGELS CHAPTER in California called the BIG ASS MAMAS.

"I love to get the rush of cool air between my big butt cheeks" enthused Hazel "and there ain't nothing like getting a BIG HOG BETWEEN YOUR LEGS".

She will be divorcing her husband of 22 years after a disturbing incident at their all expenses paid home in her Constituency.

Hazel had been out to get her initials B B, (for Biker Blears), tattooed on her BUTT IN PINK, ONE "B" ON EACH CHEEK. When naked she bent over to show the result to her husband he said, "WHO THE FUCK IS B O B.".

A Labour Source is quoted as saying, "She won't be missed, she was an ANNOYING, LITTLE, GINGER, TWAT"!

I'M LOSING THE PLOT! OR AM I?

The TATE GALLERY IN LONDON has just purchased the art exhibit on the left for £30,000.

You are correct, Dear Reader, it is a SUPERMARKET RECEIPT.

What is worse is that because till receipt are light sensitive, it is knackered every time they take it down, SO THEY HAVE TO REPLACE IT WITH A NEW ONE!

The "ARTIST" a Miss Floyer, a lady born in Pakistan, states that it is VISUAL ART because the idea is you pick an item and IMAGINE WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!

I believe that if I want to imagine what a fucking CAULIFLOWER looks like, I can go to a shop and look at one!


Might I humbly suggest that whoever bought this exhibit and is responsible for spending all this taxpayers' dosh on THIS SHITE asks one of their other more conventional artistes, IE. ones that paint paintings, to paint him a picture of a BIG PRICK.

He should then be able to hang it above the fire in his house as a FUCKING POTRAIT!

SPEAKER VOTE IS TARNISHED ALREADY

The resignation of Michael Martin was supposed to be a catalyst for change, but the process of choosing his replacement has revealed how little politicians understand the scale of the problem that they face. While the voters are crying out for honesty and integrity, the election of the new Speaker has been all about petty politicking and party power games.

PERHAPS WE SHOULDN'T HAVE EXPECTED ANYTHING ELSE!

BERCOW-AN UNTRUSTWORTHY BASTARD?

SALARY : £146,000 PLUS GENEROUS EXPENSES

PENSION POT : £1,750,000

GRACE AND FAVOUR APARTMENT IN THE PALACE OF WESTMINSTER

FIRST CLASS TRAVEL FOR YOU AND THE WIFE

THEY WOULDN'T HAVE TO DRAG ME TO THE FUCKING CHAIR!

BUT SERIOUSLY, DOESN'T HE LOOK LIKE AN UNTRUSTWORTHY PERSON?

WOULD YOU GO OUT FOR A PINT WITH HIM?

I MIGHT BE WRONG BUT TIME WILL TELL.

YOUNG CHILDREN TAKEN FROM "HELLHOLE"

Three young children were taken from this SHITEHOUSE in YORK and their PARENTS WERE JAILED FOR THREE YEARS.

Their parents aged 22 and 24 CANNOT BE NAMED FOR LEGAL REASONS.

WHY THE FUCK NOT?

MADDI CRESSWELL'S LETTER TO HER DADDY

I print without comment seven year old Maddi's letter to her Dad, whose remains have been handed to the authorities in Iraq, two years after being kidnapped in which time there was little or no help from Milliband and the British Foreign Office.

BROWN WANTS BECKETT FOR SPEAKER

It is widely reported from WESTMINSTER that the Labour Whips are whipping the Labour Hordes, (that's hordes not whores), to vote for Margaret Beckett as the new Speaker, because she is the least likely to change the way MPs go about their duties.

The OLD ONE EYED LIAR IS BEHIND THIS PLAN OF COURSE. So much for MORE TRANSPARANCY, THE LYING BASTARD.


If they do vote for the TOOTHY, OLD, STUCK-UP FUCKER, then we will know that it has been nothing but a bigger pack of lies we have been asked to swallow since the EXPENSES SCANDAL BROKE 4 WEEKS AGO.

CALL AN ELECTION NOW, BROWN!

MANDELSON AND CABINET IN BONDING SESSION

LORD MANDELSON TAKES THE CABINET TO OUTDOOR PURSUITS CENTRE FOR A "BONDING SESSION"

"OOR WULLIE" FIGURINE FROM SUNDAY POST

ON OFFER FROM THE "SUNDAY POST", AN "OOR WULLIE" FIGURINE!

Great Oor Wullie figurine offer He's Oor Wullie, Your Wullie, A’body’s Wullie — and here’s a rare opportunity to buy another unique model of the wee rascal.
Over the past couple of years we’ve given you the chance to snap up collectible figurines of Oor Wullie and of Maw, Paw and The Bairn Broon. Now you can add to your collection by buying a super new colour Oor Wullie, sitting on his bucket.
As you can see, he’s pleased as punch, smiling cheerily in his blue dungarees, with his pet mouse Jeemy by his side. The model is about 24cm high and comes boxed, with a certificate.
Wullie himself says, “I’m fair tickled tae be immortalised again in a statue-thingy like a wee Rabbie Burns.

SORRY WULLIE-at £40 inc p&p, YE CAN AWA 'AN BILE YIR FUCKIN' HEID!

CHILD RAPIST'S BOOK IS BEST SELLER FOR FATHERS' DAY

High street chain WH Smith apologised today after promoting a book on cellar rapist Josef Fritzl as a Father's Day gift.
Shoppers at the Lewisham branch were shocked to see a non-fiction book on the Austrian, who kept his daughter captive for 24 years, in a “Top 50 Books for Dad” display.

YOU COULDN'T FUCKING MAKE IT UP!!!

DON'T VOTE FOR THIS TWAT!

IF THIS FUCKING, OLD, HAS BEEN, STANDS AS A PROSPECTIVE MP IN YOUR CONSTITUENCY, FOR FUCK'S SAKE DON'T VOTE FOR HER.

SHE IS A FUCKING MENACE!

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!

LIBERAL DEMOCRATS-A DISGRACE TO SCOTLAND!

On the "POLITICS SCOTLAND" programme today the man pictured, (because no-one will know him), THE LIBERAL DEMOCRAT SHADOW SECRETARY OF STATE FOR SCOTLAND AND NORTHERN IRELAND, ALISTAIR CARMICHAEL MP, answered the following question thus.

"Can the Calman commission's recommendations be introduced before the next General Election".

"BROWN AND MURPHY have to take it forward".
"THERE ARE ONLY SIX OR SEVEN SNP MPs, SO IT IS DIFFICULT TO SEE WHERE THE OPPOSITION WILL COME FROM".

Have you ever heard such an ARROGANT STATEMENT IN ALL YOUR LIFE!

Which part of DEMOCRAT, IN LIBERAL DEMOCRAT, IS THIS ARSEHOLE?

DO THESE WANKERS STILL NOT GET IT?

Who does he think SCOTLAND is to have some unworkable shitebag of reforms foisted on us by the UNIONIST PARTIES?

WE VOTED FOR A SCOTTISH PARLIAMENT and we DEMAND another referendum if there are CHANGES TO BE MADE!!!!!


And this is coming from the MP with the THIRD LARGEST EXPENSES IN THE WESTMINSTER PARLIAMENT!

DEVINE HAS HIS DAY IN THE "STAR CHAMBER"

JIM "PIZZA FACE" DEVINE, NOT AN HONOURABLE MAN

Devine will not be standing at the next election for Labour after having been found to have fiddled his expenses by submitting false invoices.

His predecessor ROBIN COOK ALTHOUGH A LITTLE TURD, was I believe a man of honour as he resigned after the start of the GULF WAR.

YOU SHOULD RESIGN NOW AND HAVE A BI-ELECTION YOU THIEVING BASTARD!

THE MOTHER OF ALL WHITEWASHES!

LEST WE FORGET

THE IRAQ WAR SO FAR:

CAUSE: Britain accused Iraq of failing to meet UN resolutions on weapons of mass destruction. Intelligence reports about Saddam's arsenal later found faulty.
RESPONSE: Britain contributed 43,000 troops to mainly-American 300,000-strong force. Claims that a UN resolution justified the invasion widely rejected.
DURATION: Iraqi resistance crushed within six weeks but power vacuum has led to six years of bloody insurgency. Longer than the second world war.
DEATH TOLL: 179 British servicemen and women. 4,310 Americans. Iraqi deaths put at 100,000.
WOUNDED: Likely to top 5,000. More than 3,500 British troops have been treated in field hospitals since 2006.
COST: Estimated £6.5billion, and rising, so that Blair could prove how MACHO he was.
VERDICT: Poor post-war planning allowed insurgency to take hold. UK forces lost control


GORDON BROWN'S SOLUTION

AN ENQUIRY IN SECRET

NO AUTHORITY TO CALL WITNESSES

NO BLAME TO BE APPORTIONED

NOT TO REPORT UNTIL AFTER NEXT GENERAL ELECTION


IS THIS THE TRANSPARENCY YOU PROMISED BROWN?

HANG YOUR HEAD IN SHAME YOU LYING BASTARD!

GORDON BROWN POSES IN HIS NEW "SPEEDOS"

GORDON BROWN SUPRISES LADY BATHERS BY POSING IN HIS NEW LOW-CUT SPEEDOS AT POOLSIDE

TO HELL WITH POLITICS-THE END OF THE WORLD IS NIGH!

"CROP CIRCLE" OF A PHOENIX RISING NEAR DEVIZES


The above "Crop Circle" has been interpreted as a sign that there will be a cataclysmic world disaster on the 21/12/12.

This date coincides with the end of the thirteenth MAYAN EARTH CYCLE of 144,000 days and the PHOENIX RISING signals the rebirth of Mankind.

SO YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED HERE FIRST!

Build a cellar and fill it with cans of food and water. Gather your family around you. YOU COULD BE A SURVIVOR!

AND IF YOU BELIEVE ANY OF THIS SHITE THEN HEAVEN HELP YOU!

WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE AMERICAN?

I was watching "Stephen Fry in America" tonight and he was doing the southern states, Georgia, Alabama, the Carolinas etc. When it struck me I would like to be American.

Yeh, I Know that we laugh at them and they do have a lot of problems, Guns, Health Care etc but they also have a lot going for them.

I am a very patriotic Scot and it strikes me the Americans are just as if not more patriotic than the Scots.

The thirteen stripes on the American flag represent the 13 states who broke away from Britain and fought the war of independence. Is this not what we celebrate with the wars of independence of Wallace and Bruce?

There is a "CAN DO" attitude in America. You really feel it at its best in New York, which I have been privileged to visit a few times. We sit back here and moan about our lives, instead of getting up and doing something about it, (followers of this blog apart!).

They have great holiday's like Thanksgiving Day, when families travel hundreds of miles to come together. Their sporting occasions are spectacular with none of the hatred and bitterness we see at our major football matches. Mind you I would still hate those KILLIE BASTARDS!

They have freedoms that we don't. They are not spied on from every vantage point. In this country you can't pick your nose in the street without some Bastard seeing it on CCTV.

I would like of course, to swap my white, middle class lifestyle for one in the States.

Well really I don't want to swap if you get my drift, but if I had been born a Yank, I think I would have been a model citizen!

MULTI-CULTURISM ISN'T WORKING

A CLASS AT AL-ISLAH SCHOOL IN BLACKBURN

This is proof, (if we needed it!), that SEGREGATION in modern Britain doesn't work.

A Secretary at this School, Shifa Patel, has been hounded out by PARENTS after a rumour went round that SHE WAS A MAN!

Despite undergoing a intrusive MEDICAL EXAMINATION to prove she was a woman she was not able to convince the BAYING MOB. Shifa wore the traditional Hijab and Jhaba robe, which because she had short hair started the malicious rumours.

MULTI-CULTURISM ISN'T WORKING. There has to be more INTEGRATION of other races.

They do not have to become fully fledged WESTERNERS, but I don't believe that setting up parallel civilisations within a traditional western country will work.

Sharia law and the subjugation of women ARE NOT for the TWENTY FIRST CENTURY.

WHEN YOUR LUCK'S OUT-IT'S OUT!

AIR FRANCE FLIGHT 477

JOHANNA GUNTHALER a Italian woman who missed the DISASTER FLIGHT 477 WHICH CRASHED INTO THE ATLANTIC WITH NO SURVIVORS after she was late getting to the Airport, HAS BEEN KILLED in a HEAD ON COLLISION IN HER CAR, one week later.

LUCKY WHITE HEATHER ANYONE!

BROWN IN SEX ROMP WITH LORD MANDELSON

GORDON BROWN AFTER SEX ROMP WITH LORD "MINCEY" MANDY

The Prime Minister was tonight left in an embarrassing position after taking part in a "gay" sex romp with Lord Mandelson.

He was last seen walking out a backdoor of NO 10,WITH A BLANKET OVER HIM!

It is thought the above position is one step more complex than the ROPE ROUND THE SCROTUM position, which recently put paid to DAVID CARRADINE.

An eminent NEURO-SURGEON was on call at the nearby ST BART'S HOSPITAL to put Mr Brown on a six month waiting list for A SPHINCTER TRANSPLANT as his old one will BE FUCKED, (literally).

It will mean that he will no longer be able to let out the NOISY RIPPING FARTS which have made him such a laugh AT CABINET.

However they will STILL FUCKING STINK.

His bouts of constipation will fortunately no longer be a problem.

NEW FARMING MINISTER A VEGETARIAN

The new FARMING MINISTER, Jim Fitzpatrick, is a VEGETARIAN.

So is his boss, HILLARY BENN.

YOU COULDN'T MAKE IT UP!

I HATE NOISY BASTARDS!

I thought as the sun was out and all seemed fair I would spend a pleasant couple of hours on my "Steamer" taking on board some rays.

I hadn't got my FAT ARSE ON THE FUCKING THING TWO MINUTES, when the twittering of birds and the gentle gurgle of my water feature, (very middle class!), were drowned out by some BASTARD CUTTING HIS FUCKING GRASS!

Do you remember before electric mowers HOW PLEASANT IT WAS TO HEAR the noise of an old fashioned manual mower as someone mowed his grass.

It got me thinking about the noises we have to put up with, traffic, planes, drunks, sobers, hedge cutters, loud music, fucking hip-hop, etc., I am sure you have plenty of your own. Why can't we have a grass cutting day so everyone does it the same time. A Tuesday would be good for me.

My next door neighbour's boys have a mate who has a supped up wee Peugeot thing with a fucking big hole in the exhaust. He roars past their house doing about 40 mph in a 20 limit and insists on peeping his FUCKING HORN to attract their attention. He then goes to the bottom of the road turns and roars back and peeps again just in case they haven't heard him the first time. Oh and he doesn't want to pick them up, he justs wants them to come out and talk to him. My wife stops me going and telling the TWAT what I think of him.

Oh and what about FUCKING ICE CREAM VANS. Why do they wait until you are on an important business call to sit outside your house with their stupid ring tone music!

I must be getting old.

THANK FUCK FOR I-PODS!

LABOUR MPS-THIS IS A BACKBONE!

ATTENTION LABOUR MPS- HERE'S THE BACKBONE YOU NEED!

For once in twelve years you have the chance TO DO THE RIGHT THING by voting against your Government or abstaining in the SNP motion of confidence tonight.

For once put THE COUNTRY AHEAD OF NARROW POLITICAL LOYALTIES and VOTE WITH YOUR CONCSIENCE. Your constituents will love you for it.

Let's get all the problems with expenses out of the way AND START AFRESH.

YOU KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!

DISASTER FOR SPL AS SANTANA BREAK UP

Disaster has struck Scottish Football and the SPL in particular with news that popular Latin beat combo, "SANTANA" have decided to go their separate ways.

Formed in 1966 on the East coast of the USA, SANTANA for many years held the rights to SPL games in Scotland.

Their BANDLEADER, CARLOS SANTANA, who once played a couple of trialist games at right-half for COWDENBEATH FC in the late sixties, said today"we tried our best to fulfill our contract with the "SOCCERMACS" but at the end of the day no-one wanted to watch it on SATELLITE because it was SHITE"!

"It's not our fault that the stupid BASTARDS built grounds with a 10,000 capacity so that they could fill it with BIGOTS FOUR TIMES A YEAR". Perhaps now the lazy BASTARDS who sit at home will have to get off their arses and go and see a game or actually leave the pub"!

Some of the group's surplus equipment will be sold off soon to help finance the SPL clubs' wage bills.

SCOTLAND BETTER OFF IN UK-MY ARSE AND I HAVE PROOF!

IS ANY PASSING UNIONIST ABLE TO EXPLAIN THE FOLOWING TO ME:


We are told SCOTLAND IS BETTER OFF IN THE UK because of the power it gives us in the EC.

Looking at other small EC COUNTRIES the following fact becomes apparent.

country population no of seats in parly

Czech Republic 10 Million 22
Austria 8.3 " 17
Bulgaria 7.6 " 17
Denmark 5.5 " 13
Finland 5.3 " 13
Ireland 4.5 " 12
FUCKING Malta 0.4 " 5

AND FINALLY

Scotland 5.1 " 6

and that is reduced from 7 last time.

WE ARE SUBMERGED IN THE UK with very little vote on issues that are important to us like Fisheries, Oil, Forestry etc.

WHY THE FUCK IS THAT?

NICOLA STURGEON SLAPS LABOUR BINT

NICOLA STURGEON TONIGHT SLAPPED IGNORANT LABOUR BITCH, ANNE McGUIRE AFTER THE ELECTION PROGRAMME ON BBC2.

McGUIRE, a typical yappy Labour Party APPARTECHIK, steadfastly refused to let Nicola glow in the ANNAHIALATION OF LABOUR IN SCOTLAND, after the SNP walloped them by a minimum of 8% with the Western Isles result to come, (they won't count on a Sunday. FUCK ME COULD THEY NOT HAVE FOUND HALF A DOZEN CATHOLICS TO DO IT).

McGUIRE also insisted in talking shite about the Scottish Government and Alec's food expenses. "I just lost it and stuck one on the fat bastard" a diminutive Nicola explained, "and if she wants to bring her GRUMPY ONE EYED GAFFER, I'LL SLAP HIM TOO".

"I'm no keen on her either" said co-presenter Catriona Renton as she KICKED HER ON THE FANNY, a particularly poor place to pick as she HAD LOST ANY FEELING THERE MANY YEARS AGO, AFTER AN INCIDENT WITH A ROTTWEILER.

At this point McGUIRE'S WIG CAME OFF AND SHE LEFT THE STUDIO.

MINCEY MANDY RIGHT BEHIND GORDY

Peter Mandelson-"I am firmly behind Gordon".

MASS SUICIDE PACT IN EDINBURGH

BROWN WAILS IN ANQUISH AFTER HEARING OF THE SUICIDE PACT

Some sad news is reported by Reuters tonight. After hearing that BROON AND LABOUR WERE DOOMED, (DOOMED I TELL YE!), ten people have flung themselves to their deaths off the "Scotsman" building in Edinburgh.


The ten were thought to include, TWO EDITORS, THREE SUB-EDITORS, FOUR JOURNALISTS and some Premium Content FUCKING TWAT who goes By the nom-de-plume of ROOFARSE!

Broon's choice of a bunch of HAS BEENS AND RETREADS in his much vaunted RESHUFFLE along with £1 million donor to the Labour Party, SIR ALAN SUGAR was thought to be the last straw.

An SNP spokesman told us, "FUCK EM"! "NOW WE MIGHT GET SOME BALANCED REPORTING FROM THEIR FUCKING RAG".

"GLASSHOPPER" ACCIDENTALLY DIES-MY ARSE

Kung Fu and Kill Bill star David Carradine found 'accidentally' hanged in Bangkok hotel wardrobe
By David GardnerLast updated at 1:44 AM on 05th June 2009
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David Carradine, star of the iconic Seventies TV show Kung Fu, has been found dead in a Bangkok hotel room in bizarre circumstances.
Thai police said the 72-year-old American actor had hanged himself, using cords from curtains in the room.
He was discovered yesterday by a chambermaid hanging naked in a wardrobe with a cord ROUND HIS NECK AND GENITALS.

I no understand GLASSHOPPER, HOW THE FLUCK YOU KILL YOURSELF ACCIDENTALLY BY TYING CHORD ROUND SCLOTUM?

Maybe you FLUCKY-FLUCKY WITH LADYBOY?

GORDY FINALLY LOSES IT WITH PIERS MORGAN

Gordon slevers, (Scottish word meaning to whisper using a lot of saliva), in Piers's ear, " Yes Piers, Britain has got talent AND YOU'RE IT YOU BIG HUNKY WELSH BOYO, Susan Boyle is not the only one who has never been kissed". "Let me feel your TOUNGE TICKLIN' MY TONSILS"! "OH PIERS, TAKE ME NOW"............

HAZEL "THE ASSASSIN"BLEARS-HANG HER HIGH

As regular readers of this pile of shite will know, I HATE THAT FUCKING, ONE-EYED TWAT IN DOWNING STREET with a vengeance.

However in one aspect of today's shenanigans, I felt a twinge of sympathy.

How typical of that LOATHSOME, CHIPMUNK-FACED, MIDGET FUCKER, BLEARS, to run about with the STUPID BROOCH at the top of the page with the logo, " ROCKING THE BOAT". FUCKING TWAT!

I bet BROON like me would love to see her scrawny neck in a TIGHT NOOSE, WITH HER LITTLE PIXIE TOUNGE, BLACKENED AND STICKING OUT TO THE SIDE.

I'D EVEN PULL THE FUCKING LEVER!

SUSAN PHONES GORDY

BREAKING NEWS

-SUSAN BOYLE has called GORDON BROWN from the PRIORY CLINIC to ask if, "HE IS O.K.".........

JACQUI SMITH-PORNO STAR

JACQUI SMITH- NO WONDER HER MAN WAS BUYING DO-IT-YOURSELF MOVIES!

My mate once told me he had a pornographic dream about MAGGIE THATCHER in the eighties, but this is FUCKING REVOLTING!

HERE'S YOUR TOAST RACK GORDY!

GORDY'S "TOAST" RACK

MR BROWN, or can I call you GORDY as you won't be PM much longer, here's a WEE TOAST RACK FOR FRIDAY MORNING.

As you will notice it's a six slice jobby for:

1. ALISTAIR DARLING, the twat with the dyed eyebrows, serial FLIPPER

2. JACQUI SMITH, PORNO HUSBAND, stays at SISTER'S HOUSE.

3. DAVID MILLIBAND, UGLY TWAT WITH A BANANA

4. HAZEL BLEARS, MIDGET AND THE MOST FUCKING ANNOYING TWAT ON THE PLANET.

5. TOM WATSON, MATE of yours

6. BEVERLY HUGHES, (whoever the FUCK she is).

And this comes two days before the EURO-ELECTIONS. I think your party are trying to tell you something...............

TAXI FOR BROON!

TWEETER IS TWAT!

Office worker Mr Coleman, 23, was 'tweeting' to his followers on his Blackberry while jogging to work when he cracked his head on a heavy low-hanging branch.
The force of the impact sent the dazed runner crashing to the pavement and left him with a badly bruised black eye.

FUCKING TWAT!

THE RED ARROWS-WHAT DO THEY COST?

THE RED ARROWS AEROBATIC TEAM

I was talking to my mate in Galway, Ireland this afternoon and he mentioned that the ROUND THE WORLD YACHT RACE was taking place in his fair city and they were expecting a £40 million boost to the local economy. He then told me that the RED ARROWS DISPLAY TEAM had been performing all afternoon.

That's fucking strange , I thought, do the Irish Air Force not have a display team, if indeed there is an IRISH AIR FORCE!

But the real point is, it must cost a bloody fortune to put nine fighter aircraft in the air with all their support crews etc. So why are they doing it in a foreign country to PROMOTE A FOREIGN EVENT?

After trawling through their website, I have discovered the following. They list ninety-nine events where they are participating, of which ninety two are in Britain.

However they are appearing at one event in Ireland, three in France, one in Poland, one in Holland and one in Germany. They also spend nearly a month in Cyprus preparing for the season.

Now I can see the need to do a show in Germany just to reiterate to THE HUN, WHO IS BOSS but the other foreign events.

It must be COSTING FUCKING MILLIONS!

IMO this is the type of thing we should be phasing out. THE COUNTRY CAN'T AFFORD IT and we are no longer A WORLD POWER.

WHEN SCOTLAND GETS INDEPENDENCE, one of the nine planes will be ours and we can fly it past the PARLIAMENT IN HOLYROOD now and again, just to keep the MSPs' minds on their WORK.